Insignificant Profile of the FOXY mama
Her name is Kajol.typo on da birth certificate so people ended up calling her Fadhillah.
18 yrs of age.
Innova Junior college.
occupation: Free HUG giving Cheerleader.
The Lady is..
hyper.
a bit of a loose cannon.(actuali a lot).
Perpetually smiling.
one hell of a joker.
simple behind all dat chaos.
You do the finding.
The Lady loves..
music.
dancing.
cheerleading.
old school songs.
making music.
performing.
HIGHPERRRNESS.
smiles.
stars.
Flowers!
chocolates.
breakwaters.
beach strolls.
parks.
CHILDREN.
a gentlemen(u hardly find any nowadays).
HUGS.
da smallest most simplest gestures.
the colour RED.
Romance.
MEN IN UNIFORM.SCDF,POLICE,SAF,SOCCERBOYS.(you know my favourite)its in the uniform.=)
The Lady dislikes..
insects.
cats.
darkness.
mean n nasty people.
baad baad people.grr.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
~i'd rather keep the trash and throw you out~its late so im gonna make dis a short one.a pigment of my thoughts.i detest jackasses,jerks,sweet talkers and everything dat goes with it.i find it hilarious how some people can carry themselves in a way that they dont realise is makin them look so pathetic.wat the hell.goin back to the karma.oh god im experiencing it now.but heck,shits will always happen to slap itself back on these morons.they tink they got everyting worked out.oh what fools.i may sound angry but hell im not.i dont intend to waste my life getting upset with shits that arent deserving of a single ounce of attention from me.the day will come love,until then hang in there.:)you dropped the ball and now the game is through..game over.~cuz u tried to play both sides~~you got caught up in your lies~~and now ur running,your running out of time~~you played yourself,game over~~and now your thinking you can get one by me~~you made your move your gonna lose~she sits there and watches him die.you did this to me.you made me like this.foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 2:07 AM
~i'd rather keep the trash and throw you out~its late so im gonna make dis a short one.a pigment of my thoughts.i detest jackasses,jerks,sweet talkers and everything dat goes with it.i find it hilarious how some people can carry themselves in a way that they dont realise is makin them look so pathetic.wat the hell.goin back to the karma.oh god im experiencing it now.but heck,shits will always happen to slap itself back on these morons.they tink they got everyting worked out.oh what fools.i may sound angry but hell im not.i dont intend to waste my life getting upset with shits that arent deserving of a single ounce of attention from me.the day will come love,until then hang in there.:)you dropped the ball and now the game is through..game over.~cuz u tried to play both sides~~you got caught up in your lies~~and now ur running,your running out of time~~you played yourself,game over~~and now your thinking you can get one by me~~you made your move your gonna lose~she sits there and watches him die.you did this to me.you made me like this.foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 2:07 AM
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
~im already half way out the door~
yet another splendid day!!!!!today the papers lyk started late soo i got to wake up at r more humane hour!!*grins*den den den.mugged a bit for econs.da 168!GOD bless the 168!dis is i juz HAF to HAF TO tel u!my blog so my pasal.weehee.minah rep boarded da bus.i tot it was gona b da usual "stone-on-da-bus" bus ride.oh well.i sooo tot wrong!!we were on dat long stretch of road.juz road only,no traffic lights.(expressway i dono which one)heehee.n she was lyk informating me on sum econs shit.she was lukin into our notes.but me.it was destined for me to luk out da window opp me.SUNDENLY,heaven passed by.*commercial break*
~i'd rather keep the trash and throw you out~
*end of commercial break*a god sent van passed by us.NOT JUST ANY VAN PEOPLE!it was an SCDF van carrying a BIG(not small)but BIG bunch of ultra-hot-super-nice-bodies SCDF MEN(not boys).i squealed partially softly n knudged minah rep lyk crazy.her reaction was lyk OH HOLY!n dey were lyk waving at us.quite disgusting dat part cuz dats lyk soo mat.but heck,dey were FINE!*wipes drool*but those r da boys i kol the only-to-look-at-boys.cuz u see,dese r da very jerks n players we gurls wud haf squashed if it wasnt 4 deir good looks.haha!oh YEAH WATEVA.
~IGNORANCE IS BLISS~
so anihoo's da econs paper let us not tok about it.da pisang hu set da 2nd qn shud be shot.pisang.da lit paper was alrite i guess.shant b over confident now.i mite get a big fat F.(oh dear)altogether we did SIX essays(not 5)but SIX in one day.well done dear 0643A POSSE!we sooo rawk.oh oh oh!i soo had plenty of funness during our 1 hr break!sharon"dun touch me",janice turning garang,yanni laser,shellyrah,minah rep,my hero n i were lyk chilling at da canteen.n we were larfin our asses off!over yet again NOTHING!haha!i love u guys plenty plenty!smooch smooch.iman is officially vacuum.*sniggers*
~did you think i'd crumble?did you think i'd lay down and die?oh no not i~
wen we were walkin to causeway pt it was oso fun fun fun.just us bein togede is juz plain fun.happening ah we all.oh,can sumone pls tell iman dat he is NOT INVINSIBLE!dat boy is gona gif me a hart attack i tel u.he kips standing n walking near da road where da cars r!n im lyk waaaat.wen ders da red man he sae green.colour blind ppl.sheesh.(pls iman,for my sake.dont do it anymore.people do care u fool.see,now u upset me.vacuum.*giggles*)
~would someone be and not pretend~
oh oh oh!anihoo's,my dear danial cut his hair n he was lyk soo freakin upset about it.poor boy.*no worries love,i tink u will look just as handsome or even more wif any hairdo.its in the confidence bebeh.trust me.i manage to make my punkrock-halle-berry-pixie haircut werk*.speaking of haircuts.i sooo wana go do sumtin to my hair!!anioh, n i haf a"date" wif sweet danny dis thurs.he got a new hp btw.stil in da process of findin nice names for our fones.heehee.weeee!!
~whatever happened boy get over it,you look so pathetic~
i FINALLY got to see SAYEEM today!!gave him a nice wave.i lyk soo miss dat boy..haha!den i saw hafiz too!!oh oh oh!n amin has got a new haircut!*lookin good now amin*n to top it all off.i saw my HOTNESS!he's gettin hotter n hotter i tel u.MENINGGAL!haha.
~this guilt trip you put me through wont mess me up i have done no wrong~
met an old friend yesterday,forgot to blog abt it.its been soo long.now we finali got to meet!!yay!!goin out together soon!!cant wait!!yay!!made my day to see him actuali wif all da shits dats goin on.haha.oh my god,b4 i forget,BIG apology to iman n dan for last nite.screw brothers n everyting dat goes wif it.
~i dont give a damn what you say about that,you leave me laughing on the floor~
its funny how some people are just so revolting and can be so freakin dumb n blind.they think they are ALL THAT.oh puh-lease.wait til karma slaps dem in da face n dey cum running back to you.karma ALWAYS justifies on the behalf of those deserving of it.you can go and die u shit.so irritating can.oh my god.im sooo not about to let shits lyk dis get to me.bleagh.
~you bleed,i sit here and watch you bleed~
anihoo's.math paper tomoro.gotta go try to understand sumtin so der will b sumtin for me to write on the paper tomorow.*gonna keep to my words to ma man!!*now all u beautiful blog orang-orang(people)*practising malay*keep dose ever so lovely smiles on!!im smiling now.theres nothing not to smile about now is there?: )
I spent oh so many nights just feeling oh so sorry for myself.
I used to cry,but now i hold my head up high.
Now you see me,somebody new,im not that chained up little person still inlove with you.
So you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free.
Well now im saving all my loving for someone who's loving me.
Go on now go.
you did this to me,you made me like this.
*oh i sooo love this song!!*
~bumped into an old friend yesterday~
~caught me by surprse when he called my name~
~he was a familiar face~
~from a chapter in my past~ :)
im surrounded by angels, i call them my friends. : )
foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 8:01 PM
Monday, June 26, 2006
~you had it all but you didnt know~OH HOLYNESS!!god knows y im soo freakishly hapi today!!so not anyone,not even you,can make me upset.try n you'll juz see how close to da moon i'll slap ur face to.weeheehee!lemme tell u about my day.here goes..~you will never miss anything until its gone~woke up.opened my eyes *first thought of the day : yan*.it was 5 am.wat an ungodly hour rite!!so i decided to knock myself out for anoder 15 mins.5.21 am n my maid woke me up.never,let me repeat myself,NEVER in an attempt to wake me up touch my ass,tickle any part of my body or OR OR continue shakin my ass despite seeing dat i haf woken up.(wats up wif dat aniwae?!)its a death wish.but she HAD to do it now din she.but nevamind.she IS da one hu does most of da cleaning n stuffs so i guess shes an acception.haha.*thank u bibik!*den made my wae to skul.~"come,give your heart away",he says~(OH HELL NO!)saw da crazy senior dude hu gifs me funky(in a weird way)stares doing wat he does best,staring.bleagh.den minah rep boarded.we were in boohoohooness i tell u.we haf been army-eye-candy-deprived for a whole month now!sheesh.oh wateva.i cant b bothered.all da same.haha.so den we went to skul n i FINALI got 2 see my dearly missed classmates!!0643A rawkingness bebeh!i sooo love all of u!!eee!*big BIG hug*yibin got dis totali new haircut which is sooo total retro-ness!!*diggin ur new do babe!*heehee.(note to self:get a haircut pisang,it has no shape now!gif it sum shape!!)den we had to sit for our history paper.bleagh.=(~the one you gave away will be the only one your wishing for~i did two very silly things out of nervousness-ess b4 da paper started.not ONE but TWO!i cud juz bury my head in sum shithole!silly thing no 1: forgot to leave my hp in my bag!thank god da teacher was a kind soul hu juz larfed it off.so embarassing daa!!heehee.silly thing no 2:i tot da embarassment ended der.but noooooo!i came back.2 secs b4 we began,da gurls bhind me asked for da qn paper.being da gundu-dumb-dumb dat i m i 4got it was wimme since i sat rite in front!!ish!n i heard iman let out a giggle frm where he sat.*flower's*pisang.~here in this moment im halfway out the door~den den den we finished da paper.oh!oh!oh!den da fun fun fun of it all began.yanni laser,shellyrah,minah rep,sharon"dun touch me!",my hero n i went lunching at causeway pt's long john's.frm da moment we stepped outta skul to da moment we wanted to go hm we were juz crackin disgustingly funi jokes i tell u!HILARIOUS!haha.iman n cummin.weeheehee!boobieeesss.leave em alone daa!!we were sooo high!high,high,high!!n i was lyk sooo crazy hypppeeeerrr!!i miss bein HYYPPPEEEERRR!!oh i soo totali love hyper-ing!!haha.so totali needed dis durin da hols..gona do dat more now dat i noe da ppl hu gets me hyper.weeheehee!n we r soo planning dis totali cool class outing for youth day.celebrate our youthness-ess-ess!!wwweeeeeeeee!:)~i watch u die i hear u cry every night in your sleep~den we went our separate ways.bus ride back wif minah rep was total niceness ah!!bitchingness-ess dat gurl..naughty naughty..heehee.so funi how dat gurl tels stories.haha!well den i came home.met didi wen i got off da bus.told him not to wait for me.but does he ever listen?nooooooo...haha..silly boy..den he was late for skul..haizz..thanks aniway for walkin dat 2 min walk to da lift wif me..my goodness u funi boy..haha..2 mins..wahahahha!~your joy ride just came down in flames~oh my god.can i tell u how much i just dislike people who treat others wrongly..n dey tink dey r ALL DAT..then when shit happens to them,they come running back to the very people they mistreated.sooner or later they always do!now dun u find dat juz plain annoying?!dose hu get mistreated alwaes get justified in the end.so no worrys.oh god.and the most revolting part is that sum of dem r so blinded by their dumbness dey dun even realise dat dey r mistreating sumone n juz cant accept it wen others sae they do!i just so feel lyk asking dem to lyk go piss off or sumtin u noe!the best part,those dey mistreat r da ones hu r most probably gona change dem for da beta wen da time cums.sheesh.DUMB RETARDS.~your playing the victim now,dont even begin to feel im the one to blame~i know all you have ever done was to take care of me.never forgetting da littlest details of my health.taking up responsibilities which no one told u too for my well-being.i neva rili said "thank u" too u for dat.n i guess i din show u da appreciation u deserve.now i will treat u much beta yeah.wif everyting u haf done,my gratitude i will show thru my actions.*i hope u do open ur head to realise dat dis is for u!haha.i can always slap ur head for u to make u realise:)*~ignorance is bliss~sundenly ppl,juz SUNDENLY i miss my classmates again!im weird i tel u.beware now.its contagious!!haha.miss dan n moran.been danny n iran deprived for a week now=( well,im off to go study now.urgh.:( cant wait til dis is over!!n my dumb a level orals r still nearing!n im sooo screwed.well aniway,gona go be happy happy now.be friends wif my notes.or at least TRY to befriend dem.worse cum to worse,i will just pretend to be their fren.weehee!HYPERNESS!til we meet again my sek kebabom knights n fair nightangales,keep smiling now.or just be lyk me n pretend n wait n see if sumone actuali can tel da difference.=)LOVE BIGNESS!she's just walking away from the thingthats unyielding and sacred to her so silently.~i can make it through the rain,i can stand up once again~~on my own and i know that im strong enough to mend~~and every time i feel afraid i hold on tighter to my faith~~and i' live one more day and i'll make it through the rain~he's just another player,playing in the name of love.i've seen enough.dont wanna be a fool for you,just another player in your game for two.i was once a fool its true.you made me like this.foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 6:38 PM
Sunday, June 25, 2006
yoohoo!!im back!didi just said sumting over the fone n im lyk soooooooooo true.not soooo true..but soooo true!!*thank u didi love.thank u so much*wat da hell.im a gurl hu gives hope to others!screw dat "dun haf ur hopes up,actuali dun haf hopes at all" nonsense!how dumb was i not to see it as rubbish n just let it get to me lyk dat.ridiculous i tel u.dun haf ur hopes up.yeah sure.i finally see.that the one hu said that to me,is the one hu needs to be given much hope.im not angry at dat person.hope i shall give.haf hope in EVERYTHING i say.lyk you said,the very gurl u fell in love with.but din u realise u killed her for a moment der?oh god.dat doesnt matter animore!i may not always be full of hope.but sweet heaven,im one who GIVES hope.dats y i made it dis far.so shut up all of u.dun u tel me not to haf my hopes up in anitin.contradiction to ur ownself if u sit down n think about it.believe in me when i say i will put a smile on ur face.hope is what i will give all of u.hope: )
ToRemainorLeave? 11:20 AM
~so tired of tears~im gonna fix all of dis even if it kills me.shut up you.shut up all of you.der is NOTHING dat i cant do.so dont you moder fucking bring me down.i noe no one is asking me to fix things.but u just dun get it now do u?its just me!hu i am!fuck it all man!im a freak.sheesh.~go on now go,walk out the door~i hate this u noe.feeling lyk this.i hate it sooo bad.y cant people just learn to forgive.it takes sumone wif a MATURED state of mind to b able to 4give.yes,dun forget.but hell,forgive.bless da heart dat forgives man.god bless dat heart.im so sick of dis.nonetheless,still hangin on til everything that needs to be fixed has been fixed.im gona die trying if i haf to.fix things with ur heart n love,not wif ur head and anger.(love the heart that loves,not the one that hurts)~dont underestimate me boy i'll make you sorry you were born~oh my god.something just hit me.oh my goodness.this is gonna end.all of this.i noe it will.oh my god.k,i cant put into werds wat juz hit me,but good heavens.my goodness.*thank u my love*im goin into my hapi-hapi-yeah-wateva mode now.SAC/MI fadhillah remember.hee!!:)~so done with wishing you were still here~saturday,iman,hadi,azli n i went to the marian day care centre.it was lyk soooo fun.da kids lyk sooo made me smile n u noe put my head at ease for just dat moment.created a posse der.der was lyk dis dude if forgot his name.he sang lyk an angel i tell u.i was lyk *melts*i dun get boys u noe.juz cuz u "melt" over sumones singin doesnt mean ur oogling over da guy n lyk is lyk interested in da guy or sumtin.for gods sake!but hell,i sooo tink he shud be in spore idol.him,his pretty justin timberlake curly hair n his oh so meltalable voice.haha!den yesterdae was nutin much.oh wait.speakin of fri.i had to do my malay oral in skul.oh god i dislike cikgu hani.so demoralising i tell u!!n screw innova jc.next time,y dun u tel us da dae b4 our a level orals dat we haf to sit for it da next dae.yeah.i juz found out my mt a level orals is next week!!oh god im soooo screwed.at least o levels i had time to lyk practise can.now.oh shittles.~for you and me,the sun will shine one day~i hate how ppl change u noe.sheesh.k random thought,haha,im pyscho i tell u.so aniwae,i'll be meeting dan to go lingerie shopping.haha!dun ask.then goin home to mugg sum more.oh i sooo hate this.i dono wat is up wif me.but i juz.urgh.shut up.all of u.randomness again.sori.pigmentations of my thoughts i guess.hehe.oh oh oh.yes.do u noe how ppl kip saying i dowan u to leave me n wat not.my goodness.if u dont want me to walk away,den stop me!its dat simple.but noooo.u see,sum guys,dey juz want everyting handed to dem.well listen up all of u.every single one of u,from izzuddin to keith to didi to just everyone of u.im not a toy.im not an object.u dowan me to leave den stop me.if u dun,as much as i dowan to,i will walk away.oh god.wat da hell.k k k.back to my yeah wateva-ness.haha!i wana smile i rili do.so yeah.im gona smile now.~"on my knees,i'll ask,last chance for one last dance,"he says.~i mite be goin out wif didi tonite.dono where da boy wana take me now.i shall see if im in da mood yeah.oh oh oh!he got me dis nice necklace tingy wif sum pendant ting.soo pretty i tell u.heehee.thank you love.oh oh oh.n now,my fone has got BLING BLING i tel u!soo pretty.funkadelicness to da highest level!iman gave it to me.so sweeet!*thanks hero!!*so anihoo's,next saturday.is THE day.dun ask wat day.u will soon cum to noe.i will make dat day happen even if it kills me.aniwae,skul starts tomoro.i m missing dear kristel so badly.yan is da oni one dats in my head.(live wif it all of u.u made me lyk dis)i cant wait to see dear crazy 0643A.iman!!miss u soo much.moran n danny too.oooh!moran is now one of my newfound lurb!hee!:)~if i should have stayed.....~dun haf ur hopes up actuali dun haf hopes at all.goes out to all of u.btw,apologies for da ultra long post yesterdae.oh heck,my blog so my pasal.haha.well den,i gotta hit da lecture notes now.bury myself deep deep in it.so deep dat...dat..erm.just noe dat its reaaaal deep ah.heehee.well den.til my next post,kip dose beautiful smiles on.smiling is good.dun be decieved by facades.hehe.im loving all of u plenty plenty now.=)im so tired of tears.im so sick of my thoughts of you.~when you want it the most,there's no easy way out~~when your ready to go but your heearts left in doubt~~dont give up on your faith,love comes to those who believe it~~and thats the way it is~so why surrender when you can win,in this thing called love?ask yourself what you did then maybe u will noe why..yeah whatever.foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 10:08 AM
Saturday, June 24, 2006
~all of our tears will be lost in the rain,when i find my way back to your arms again~hello there to one n all beautiful people.i noe i promised my next post wud be hapi hapi n wat not.im so sori i haf to go back on my werds.i am just so sorry.brace urself for da longestest-est-est post i haf eva put up.n ders so much more left unwritten.i dun gif a fuck if anione wans to say that im turning emo n wat not.fuck ur head.just go fuck ur head.i dono how da hell ur gona do dat,but just fuck ur head.*its not meant to be funi*~lost the will to love,like a broken arrow~let me begin.oh god.WHERE do i begin??all this while,i haf always just in everybody's eyes been fine,been alright.yes,maybe thats because i hide.yes,i blame myself for that.yes i do.but,wen i do show.no one see's.or if dey do.its oni for 5 seconds.for a day or two.den,dey juz assume everyting is fine.yes,maybe dats becoz i say im fine.but hell,use ur head.hu da hell becums "fine" overnight?i showed,so many times.my emotions,how i feel abt my health,my skool,my family,da events befalling me,my heart.hoping,juz hoping sumone wud see n wud let tings change n sumhow be beta for me.but no.dun sae i neva voiced out anitin.i haf.i haf n i had.so fuck it.fuck how i feel.~from this moment on~now everyone is gonna say dis is my own fault n dat i shudnt put da blame on others.well guess wat fuck.if u just sit down.just sit down n think.n reminisce.hopefully u WUD see dat i did open up.i did reveal.never haf i ever blamed anione but myself for anitin dat happens.never.n now u wana say dat im blaming everyone.my god.the two of u once cud see straight thru me.see right thru the "im fine" and "dont worry,everything is alright,there's nothing wrong".it all began a long time ago.stage by stage it "progressed".from sad to crushed to its-killing-me to now dying.(you never miss the water until its gone)~am i suppose to leave you now?~so fuck it.fuck all of it.sumone said u all made me lyk dis.maybe it applies to me too.i dono.wat da fuck.one by one it came.my dad.my family.my skool.my junior.kristel.him.my health.yan.yan.yan.i did tell.i din kip it in.but the both of u failed to see right thru me like how u once did.u all shud noe me by now.im not the type to just tel u my hurt cuz i dowan.i noe it wud sumhow one way or anoder make u sad.i cant live seeing anione upset or anitin but hapi.IT KILLS ME DUN U GET IT.im one person hu noes wat true sadness is.i noe da fuckin epitome of it.heck,kol me a freak-of-nature,kol me selfish,blame me for all i care.screw u.u wana tink assume dat i tink im sum kinda crazy big fuck just becoz i haf been thru alot.yeah hell i noe u all haf been thru a lot too.i din say otherwise.~forget everyone forget everything and start over with me~if u read my past posts.maybe u cud see dis emotions u guys din see.just maybe.amk park.everyting.if more den one person says der are changes.i wud disagree n sae no cuz dey r sum hu dun.if i were to just sit down n think as in rili think i wud see dat der is change.dun qn me anione.dun qn me on anitin im gona sae or haf said.sit down n think n u wud find da ans.i dun tink u wud survive a day as me.trust me on that one.yeah hell everyone is gona say,ur a strong gurl.yada yada ya.well fuck dat strength.everytin.from skul to family.to everyting.even to my memory of him is just goin wrong.just so wrong.thank u danial.i thank u for always telling me dat ur alwaes der for me.i thank u for alwaes hearing me out n neva once pushing me aside or treating me rong.i thank u for at.so much.it has helped gif me strength quite a lot of times.n i wat ur werds last nite rili helped so much.so much.yes.it did gif me strength.but i noe u haf her to deal wif n dats takin a lot out of u.n u shud noe me,da freak dat i m.i refuse to be anoder cloud.u deserve so much beta for all dat u haf done.so here i am.fixing dis for u.or at least helping u fix it.helping.dun sae i im not a freak.heck,now u tel me haf u eva met sumone lyk me?no rite.n me,myself,my differences.i sumtimes do see myself as a freak.n i bet my mum n sis agrees.dun say i din take,i did,i have taken.~i swore to you dat my love would remain~all of u r gona say.dis is not da strong gurl i noe.hell,ders so much strength one can haf.ders so much.dun u see?my god.if u just sit down n think.just sit down n think n u wud see.u will god damn see.i dun blame anione.cuz im one person hu will never be given dat "chance".cuz im only meant to blame myself.n i will die dat way.its just not in me to sit n let shit happen infront of me n not do anitin.just sink it in fuck.sink it in.sink da fuck in.im sori for my harshness.but dun u ever tink dat i actuali deserve bein able to blame sumone?or sumtin.just not me,for once.for once just bein deserving to get angry or upset or say harsh tings.u noe wat.dun even bother thinking abt dat.just dont.i haf da ans.just forget it.im sori if i haf failed all of u.im sori if i disappointed u.im so sori.~"dont have your hopes up.actually,dont have hopes at all",he says~well now i dun.for everyting.n dun u blame me for it.not dis.n dun explain.just dont.cuz sumhow i noe he meant it.he tinks i din see his arm.im just a mere "all of them".sumhow he seemed to forget dat i did see.i did qn.i did get upset.so upset it made me die a little more inside.if you can be whatever.so can i.its you hu din see.iman,danial,kristel,faizah dose of u i actuali revealed it to.u din fail me dun weri.i din expect anitin from anione.im dying now.n its too late.if u juz sit down n think.u wud actuali finally see y im dying.just sit down n think back.n u wud noe.ders is so much this freak can take.faizah dear,u noe every inch of it.everyting.i told u last nite.every bit of it.thank u for listening.all of u dun weri,the person u noe u will see.i willl stil be hyper n fun n wateva u noe.SAC/MI fadhillah.i noe im not alone.i noe.its just dat.urgh.nevermind.i will fix dis.all of dis wif wat i haf left.~i keep on searching but i cant find~or if not,at least help.dan n her.iman.moran.my family.kristel n shaun.help my new "sister".(u noe hu u r love)both of us togede yeah.then me.im last.cuz its me.sink da fuck in.never.NEVER will ME,MYSELF N I cum first.sink dat fuck in.im a freak im different.unless u can bring yan back to me.den oni wud i put myself before anitin or anione else.hes death made me dis way.SINK IT IN GOD DAMN IT.always haf hope in everyting.EVERYTING.he once said.dat line i hung on to all dis while til 2 nights ago.now da line has changed.so i hang on to a new line.no,im not blaming u.pls dun get me wrong.n dun blame urself.me.im here to be blamed.~too long to late,who was i to make you wait~im sori if if ever i haf wronged anione of u.im sori iman for hurting u.im sori dan if u tink dis is my fault n shud haf i taken ur hand,sit dwn n think n u wud noe dat i did.im sori if i disappointed u once again.im so sori for being the cloud in your life.you think i dun notice,i dun realise,trust me wen i say dat i do.i always have.its just dat my words cum out wrong or dey dun cum out at all.hoping dat u wud see it in my eyes dat i do noe.like how u once cud.dun anione qn me about dis.ani of dats been mentioned.just dun bother.just sit down n think on ur own n hopefully god will shine the light on u for u to see.i love all of u,every single one of u very much.more den u can think.more den u can imagine.right now,im just,numb.i dono.am i?i dono.i just dont animore.i dont.i will not blame u if u ppl wana gif up.i noe im very different,a freak,n its hard to handle wif ur own probs.so just go now.and be happy.and SMILE.i will smile,dun weri.~for your love,i would give my last breath~yan my love.im sori the cloth on ur tombstone has not been changed for so long now.yes,i noe i can tok to u just aniwhere.but its different wen im at ur grave.ur most nearest to me.somehow.but dat privilege has been selfishly taken away from me.right now my dear.ur the one i noe i can hang on to n never treat me wrong or push me aside.me dying i noe u hate it.i noe i will rise up once again.my hope.sumhow a pinch of hope.i noe i will.for you my one true love.for you i will.i nid sumone here wif me on earth.until den,i only haf u.i love you.i always haf and always will.~i gave to you my hand with all my heart~(gave)i will end dis excrutiatingly long post here.haha.dun u weri.i will be smiling as i always have wen we meet.i will.heehee.now al lof you just smile please.just smile.i can take care of myself.dun u all underestimate me.just dun.i just dont wana be the cloud animore.i love all of u.i rili do.i hearts u ppl much much.heehee.yes,im stil da crazy fool hu larfs at everytin.haha.i just.i refuse to get upset over anitin.i just refuse.so all of u muz be takin care n walkin slowly now.hahaha.til weneva,i miss u ppl loads.kip dose beautiful mile on or u can alwaes gimme a ring ring so i can fix it up for u.heehee.:)~i wanna just let go,with someone to help me survive~"everybody knows that i was such a fool to ever let go of you,i was lying to myself now im dying in this hell.i was running from the truth." he says.for you i will.foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 1:37 PM
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
~i see you die a little more inside~good afternoon to dis beautiful place called the world and to all the beautiful people in it!!*tilts head to the right n waves right hand frantically*here i am now.in dis hell of a shitass cold place.i haf noooo idea how to werk da air conditioning system here.yeah yeah yeah.shut up u crazy woman.from last nite u neva keep quiet.irritatingness-ess i tel u!poke here poke der.no life bodoh.haha.lemme tel u of today.=)~sometimes i run,sometimes i hide,sometimes im scared of you,but all i really want is to..~i had one of the most worst most horrible way of waking up this morning.was given a fone call.first words to hear in the morning,"what's your problem?".well,i cant blame that person either.yeah,she's still here.but today.i will put an end to all of this.once and for all to put a hush to sum ppl.so i dont have to make your life miserable anymore,as said by a friend.~im looking at a picture in my hand,trying my best to understand~at this point of time,i would know who knows me well enough to know the things i would do and the things i wouldnt.its amazing how u once tot sumone rili cared but actuali they dont.they never did.it was about themselves.their own safety or wat not.just so amazing.and the influence they can haf on other people so that others wud see things the way they do,and thru their eyes.my god.there's a reason why i have been in a girls skul for 10 years.and i think this is why.~totally unblue~hell ur rite no one understands.so god damn it,please dun judge me based on the events that befall me now.dun think i sum kind of crazy bitch desperate n obssessed over one person.im not.if you think im hanging on,think again.and please,im not jealous over anything,i dont see a need to.and please dont try to say things that you think wud make me jealous.sooo not happening babe.sooo not happening.there is so much i can tolerate k.hu r u to tell me wat to do?dun tink dat im not strong.dun underestimate me boy.i dowana do dis i dowana b so mean.but hell,i haf to get this off my chest.stop blaming me for everything that goes wrong.and do erase that thought of me being sad.because i am not.i am happy.it may sound surreal to you.well love,sink it in.i am happy.*and for the love of god.u may think that it is YOU im tokin about,it isnt.its someone else alright.i noe u understand.its just that some ppl dun.yes,NOW im tokin to u.yes you.thnx 4 wakin me up : )*~did you think i'd crumble?did you think i'd lay down and die?oh no not i.~so anihoo's,enough of the not niceness.just not my kinda ting.i dont like uh.well,met eugene yesterday.yay!never fail to hear new things from him.seeing him again today.tomoro too most probably.wif me through every prick and pain.god i hate everyting dat cums wif dis place.all the aspects of it.just so draining n all.thank u for listening and for all the help.i noe my reactions to the things you do for me may be nasty at times,but i do hope u understand.i AM only turning 17 to haf all dis happen.nonetheless,i dono where i wud be without u.so i show u my gratitude.thank u for pulling me out of this werckage.lyk u said,i need strength and ur gona gif it to me. : )~as long as i know how to love i know i will stay alive~well,dis shall be it for today.sori for da anger everyone.i dun mean to be so mean and nasty.but my blog,so my pasal.haha.oh god i crack myself up.k now for sum randomness.i miss hugs.nice pretty ones.u noe dose whereby the person ur hugging truly noes how to hug n is very much informed of the very ART of hugging.went to MI n tot a few.heehee.god i miss hugs.k randomness ends here.i can go on foreva.haha.oh crap da crazy wuman is back.shut up la pisang!sheesh!well then,til my next post which i promise wud be much more positive n hapi hapi hapi.kip smiling now beautiful blog ppl.weeheehee!!!!loving all of u many many n much much n oh so plenty plenty!*hugs*: )dont get it twisted,i want you to.but you got my heart to win before i let you in.~there's a girl in the mirror,i wonder who she is~~sometimes i think i know her,sometimes i really wish i did~~there's a story in her eyes,lullabies and goodbyes~~when she's looking back at me,i can tell her heart is broken easily~and i wish there was something,something i could do.i cant believe what i see,that the girl in the mirror is........foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 12:35 PM
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
~i used to cry but now i hold my head up high~hei hei hei!!im back back back!a very very good mornin to one n all!!heehee.slept rather late last nite.juz cudnt sleep.haha.i woke up to natasha jumpin on me n ain yelling "kakak fadhillah WAKE UP!".sigh.n der went my intended n much wanted 12 hours of sleep.dose gurls r my neighbours kids.heehee.always speakin in malay.HELLO!!language barrier!wats all dis suria channel man??!!channel 5 please.nickelodeon oso can.oh oh oh!n disney channel is quite lovely i tell u.k k k.*whacks head wif slipper*goin out of point here.basically,juz converse in english pls."fadhillah" and "bahasa melayu" shud neva b put in the same sentence.haha.im a retard cum freak-of-nature wen it cums to malay i tell u.nonetheless,im stil werkin on it.heeee!!!!:)~i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong and i grew strong~oh god!i dono y i haf been so hapi hapi hapi lately.but dat doesnt mean der wudnt be any negativity in dis post.since i'll be spending my dae at home today,soi shall blog abt yesterdae.*goes back in time* woke up.had my hr long bath.stoned n fell asleep in der.heehee.*blushes*found a nice dance outfit n made a move.we practised at da multi purpose hall at azhars place cuz da usual one was locked.bloody GRC ppl.but aniwae.thanks azhar for lending us the 2 pin plug n for dropping by yeah.oh,n thnx for offering to catch a ride to the east together.so sweet.sori we finished late.~now you see me somebody new,im not that chained up little person~we finished nearly da whole routine.heehee.n its rather lovely.oh n please.we DO come up wif ideas n steps together.not EVERYTING is me.so yeah.dun underestimate their originality.so anihoo's.i den made my way to khatib mac to grab a bite.met dan,azwan,moran,faizah,cheryl n azli.chilled,ate n made a move.heee!wish to spend more time next time.da eva so sweet moran gave me TWO(not one)but TWO,BIG(not small)but BIG bars of choc!!weeeeeheehee!~there must be another way,cause i believe in taking chances.so come what may~here cums da negativeness-ess of dis post.im aying al dis in general so i dun nid n want any comments.its amazing wat good actors sum ppl are.its REVOLTING how u gif others all the sensitivity u cud gif but ur slapped back wif a huge bag of insensitivity wen it cums to sumtings.been bitten before man.dey used to be sensitive n understanding but now dey tink its a mere joke n der is no need to be discreet.sumhow its amazing how ur darkest secrets is one in which people wana make known to the world wen u r expected to be silent to about theirs.now that i have gotten all dat off my chest.i dun see a need to tink or tok about it animore.im in the process of making myself numb to all dis.i dono if dats a good ting.but wat the heck.im happy.heeee!!:)~see i was on the verge of breaking down~(was)lemme take dis oppurtunity to make a shout out.hapi hapi time now.=)heehee.thank you sweets for making me smile.soo my type.haf no regrets getting to know you.heee!!we haf soo much in common n one aspect dat i guess we can say is most prominent.heehee.we wud haf soo much fun if eva we get da chance to go out together.(which i hope we do).n i noe our frenship wud blossom.heehee.joining forces to make dis world a beta place.bond to secrecy.*hugs*thank you...you noe hu u r n dat it is you im referring to.=)so aniwae,im stil missing my nice mean gurls of sec 4/5(SAC)n 0643A!!aaaah!i shall end here for today yeah.maybe i'll be staying in today maybe i'll be goin there.til my next post,kip dose beautiful smiles on blog ppl!!smiling is good.hahaha!rest assured,i'll be smiling here wif u.i dun see anitin not to be happy about: )they say.....didnt know just what i had.where was my head?where was my heart?now i WAS once a fool its true.i swore i'd never love again,i swore my heart would never mend.said love wasnt worth the pain.but then..............everybody knows that you are such a fool.every time i turn around,i think i've got it all figured out.~i was such a fool,i couldnt see it,just how good you were to me~~you confessed your love,undying devotion,i confessed my need to be free~~and now im left with all this pain~~i've only got myself to blame~he says........ever since u left me.da word sadness which u once made sure was non-existent was born into my life.nontheless,here i am,smiling,because and for you as always: )foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 11:30 AM
Sunday, June 18, 2006
~come what may.for you and me the sun will shine one day~lemme begin wif a big shout out to my dad.HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPA!although we din haf much of a celebration or wat not,i still remembered.though we go through lotsa hard times together n it may seem dat i dun love u.i do.ur my dad.no matter wat crap u put me thru,i wud neva switch u for another.i love you papa. :)~to love and to hold,where the skies are blue,where the fields are green,i'll see you once again~k now,enuf of da mushyness.heehee.im shy.*blushes*.n all dose hu noe me wud be lyk "fadhillah...shy?rrriiittteee..."i can b shy ok.n lately i kinda get shy easily.i dun rili noe y.well anihoo's,i spent much of my dae at hm.on my laptop.was tokin to JX aka jing xian.ex 4/5er.(SAC nice mean gurls)yeah.we planned a pretty outing to da beach for next thurs.hope dat happens.sooo totali miss gurls day out!!~at first i was afraid,i was petrified~so den dis tue i mite moz probably be catching up wif citra,fifi n KRISTEL!!god i miss dose ppl.citra is one of my SAC soulsista's.gosh i miss dem all.speaking of me missing people.let me say dis LOUD N CLEAR.I MISS ALL MY INNOVA JC CLASSMATES!!!!ALL OF U!yanni my dear laserness sweetie pie.amirah my hardcore minah rep.shellyrah my horse.aaaahh!!from deep down gurls n boys.all of u!!i miss u sooo bad.u guys haf kinda grown on me.juz to see u for 5 secs wud quench my thirst of wanting to see u ppl.~dont think that im not strong,im the one to take you on~moving on.tomoro gotta get up at 8 to go teach da dance gurls.maybe its my last prac wif dem.god im tired.so aniwae.tomoro is nearing or is here n i shud be sleeping.but nooooo.i wana go watch da brazil vs australia match.wana see MY hot,sexy n delicious brazilian n rather nice-to-look-at australian soccer players.heehee.well i shall run along now.staying happy about everything.heehee.til we meet again beautiful blog ppl.kip dose beautiful smiles on.beautiful!:)~so here we stand,in our secret place~~with the sound of the crowd,so far away~~and you take my hand,and it feels like home~~we both understand it's where we belong~~so how do i say,do i say goodbye?~~we both have our dreams,we both wanna fly~~so lets take tonight to carry us through the lonely times~~we shall treasure this moment til we meet again~and your're in my dreams,and there you will be until we meet...foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 11:04 PM
Saturday, June 17, 2006
~if i should have stayed~
not much today.just.heh.not much.made a new fren.found out new tings.n lyk yeah.yet again,im still a hapi gurl.just.i dono wat to do rite now.just.i just dont know.help me kristel.help me dear god.
~kept me in the dark,now let me show you the shape of my heart~
im still holding on to your words kristel.always have and always will.ur right,never gone wrong.juz beautiful.heehee.my time will come.hee.so yeah.im stil lyk yeah wateva.so..yeah wateva.i refuse to get upset.i guess.haha.so yeah wateva.
~he says,"on my knees,i'll ask,last chance for one last dance."~
im juz at da point of wat da fuck n i dono.haha.k not rili wat da fuck.i went past dat stage oready.haha.the end is not near she says.i guess.i dont know.yes yes.my 4 months of silence.well skool's gonna start soon.now DIS wud b a good one.he says the end will b fruitful.patience.shitass lots of it is wat i need.okaaaaaay.both blind,it will come,patience,test,destiny.yeah yeah yeah.haha.
she didnt wanna end up jaded,so by keeping her heart protected,she never ever feel rejected.
~why the hell did you have to make things so complicated,i see the way your acting like somebody else it gets me frustrated~
soooo aniway,i'll be scurrying off happily now.haha.so yeah.take care now buhbye then.til we meet again my sek kebabom knights n fair nitangales.brighten up someone's day wif dat beautiful smile!!=)
~opened up and let you in~
~now all thats left of me is what i pretend to be~
~so together but so broken up inside~
*my one true love,the one who will get me through all of this.til the day im back by your side,i know ur watching down on me.u always said "time will heal".i'll hold on to that.thank you my love..*
foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 7:35 PM
Friday, June 16, 2006
~i know i broke your heart,i didnt mean to break your heart~
today,was supposed to haf breakfast wif azli,dan n moran at khatib macs.suppose to haf a nice talk wif him but i was soo god damn tired i was late.den ended up der was no talk.(u said next week)hehe.but da boys gave me three bars of hersheys choc.FUH.beautiful.
~"i cant believe what i just gave away.now i cant take it back",he says~
den we went to AI to watch da talentime rehearsals.der was dis good drummer guy.n dis real good singer.dis gurl.juz beautiful!den den den,we hung out for quite sum time der.den made our wae for sum soocer match.da MANGO boys.so cute da name.heehee,mango.dey played against da "apples"(dey were in fashionable red)not sure of da score though.1-0 or 2-0.but it was fun to watch.
~once again,im thinking about taking the easy way out~
moran was da DA BOMB referee.all clad in black n merrily spewing vulgarities at those hu detest he's rules n words.*"got 2 offside players la fucker",says moran*heehee.den dan is a poweeeeer goalkeeper.lyk small boy he run.so cute.heehee.den iman.he ah.run lyk girl.kick ball lyk ballerina.haha.n azli.good skills.good everyting ah.good job boy.oh oh oh. he plays gracefully by the way.really.no shit.
*no,you din lose your touch.*
~you thought you had us fooled at your beckon call,but now who's the joke n who's laughing now~
den den den,my homie fadzli got hurt.poor boy.i hope he gets beta soon.oh den,da boys were oh so dirty.everyone made deir way back.moran,dan,azhar n iman made deir way to azli's place to wash up.they were gentlemanly enuf to wait til my bus came before makin a move.dat was rili sweet.heehee.
~dont turn back my one true love,you may see me cry~(yan)
its was really nice n sweet of you ah.thank you.
now my nieces came over.amira,insyira n nadhrah.oh god im sooo tired.nonetheless,gotta find sum energy frm god noes where for dem.i miss dem a lot.gosh.but im juz so dead tired.well,i wana go spend sum time wif dem b4 dey sleep now.til weneva,kip dose beautfiul smiles on blog ppl.beautiful!!heehee.hapi hapi hapi=)
~it's plain to see if you if you stick together,you're gonna find a way~
~so dont surrender when u can win,in this thing called love~
~when your're ready to go but your hearts left in doubt~
~dont give up on your faith~
~cause love comes to those who believe it~
~and that's the way it is~
foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 10:35 PM
~save the last dance for me~
imans bdae.gosh so many many tings.met iman n hadi in da mornin.no wait.12.30 is afternoon.dis boy ah.one big ball of super sweetness ah.can get diabetes.he ah.lemme tel u.hadi brought us to Candy Empire aka heaven.he say wana get chocs for dis chick he lyks.he got one bag.den he took anoder bag ask me to pick.tings i lyk.apparently we gt same taste.as in me n da gurl.
~just one chance,just one breath,just in case there's just one left~
den den den.bein da pisang dat i m.i take many many.heehee.fuh.happening bebeh.den dat iman sae my hair messy.cuz HE messed it up!so i went to da ladies.den den den.i came back.iman gave me da TWO(not one) but TWO bags of chocs.i tel u.i was shrieking lyk a mad hyena.oh god i was soooo hapi.lyk haiyo dei!i was lyk melting n shrieking.so i was basically shriek-elting!so sweet daa my best guy fren.b4 we met he actuali wana buy balloons for me cuz im sick,but he cudnt find any.but hei,I DUN SEE ANIONE COMPLAINING ABOUT DA CHOCOLATES BEBEH.den we ate at long johns.n he bought me cheese.woohoohoo!
*thnx iman,for everyting.happy bdae.thnx for understanding(u noe wat im tokin abt)oh,n i tink u luk ESPECIALLY hot today.i lyk ur top.hoohoo!*
~a walk to remember~
den den den.shit happened.*literally*den iman bunga.iman iman.face lyk gurl,body lyk boy,hart lyk baby.den he emo n emo.i tot he finish oready.but noooo.he wana emo n bunga.he wanted to emo-nga.heehee.den met dan n azli.went jamming at sum funky dudes place at arabs st.gosh he was in his man panties.*oh my eyes!*got a major shock man.lyk hello!ders a gurl here.cover ur hoohoo's man!(asf sounded particularly gd for da first two song btw)den met moran after jam n we headed for sum funky murtabak place.lovely food man.heehee.
~understanding,time,patience~
den we went to AMK park.she came.spoke to dan i tink.had a looong tok wif azli i tink.n iman.heh.da tings in me.da wake up kol she gave.hopefully tings r gona change for da beta dis time.yeah wateva.she slapped da future in my face real hard.n im lyk waaaat.so yeah.
im sorry for always putting da blame on u.da fault is on both sides.but still,im sori.for not seeing.wearing u out.tings will change.go for her if dats wat ur heart wans so badly.just go.i wish u all da best.
iman...........thank u i guess..sori for hurting u..if i did.today was suppose to b ur dae.n im sori.u still mean alot to me yeah.i'll make it up to u.
dan....u noe i love u....truck N bus loads..(now dats alot)haha..thnk u for yet again..bein der..inevitably,u alwaes r.n i thnk god for dat.for u.
now ppl ppl.dun tink im sad or wateva..cuz im not..haha.im a hapi gurl.heehee.so yeah.as i haf said in da past posts.so yeah.heehee.now smile wif me k.everytings gona be just fine.time will heal.so yeah.so anihoo's,i'll end it here yeah.kip dose beautiful smiles on now.heehee.til we meet again my sek kebabom knights n fair nitangales.heehee.
it is da girl in him that made me fall in love with him,how stupid i was to ask him to man up.hoping everday now that the same girl would return.she's in there sumwhere.da one everyone loved.
*her last words,"dont forget everything i said."*
~here i go,so dishonestly~
~leave a note,for you~
~but you see right through me~
time............
foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 12:19 AM
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
~i'll always look back as i walk away,to where we will last for eternity~
i juz got more news.about him n her.( dun get me wrong.i dun dislike her in aniwae)oh god.wen will dis ever stop.CHOOSE?!so now im juz a mere option to him.y dun i make it easier for him by walking away?then he oni has two to "choose" from.but it wun matter now wud it.cuz he still has two more.if he likes her,if he has a crush on her,if he wans to go for her,then go ahead.i m NOT sum multiple choice option.
~he once said,"hes juz anoder player,playing in the name of love."~
im not upset.trust me.its juz dat wateva he says to me,sumtimes it juz god damn contradicts wat ppl tel me.n dis r ppl hu dun haf areason to wana lie to me.n its so god damn hard.hes tired of me,tired of us.he has a crush on her,wana go for her,go on.my 4 months of silence.right now,im at the point of yeah whatever.so..yeah,wateva.
*holding on to your words kristel*
leave me for now, just go.
im gona go get myself smiling now.heehee.cuz im a hapi gurl rememba.SAC fadhillah.so yeah.heehee.take care now,buhbye then.kip smiling!!!!heehee.
choose.....hah.
~i dowana b a fool for u,just another player in your game for 2~
~well now im saving all my love for someone who's loving me.~
u want to be free, so i let you fly.
foxy mama, out.
ToRemainorLeave? 9:45 PM
~theres hope beyond the pain~
good morniiiiiiiiin!!!!!*tilts head to the right n waves right hand frantically* today i plan to stay at home n juz do stuff.haha.besides,im lyk still sick.even worse now.gosh.i rili hope i get better by tomoro so i can go see my hero on his 17th bdae.gona ask my mom to make sum funky get-better-fast-fast potion.haha.so here i m,stuck watchin hi-5 on nickelodeon.woopee.
~reaching for a love that seems so far~
had a dream about him last nite.woke up.wif tears welled up in my eyes.so here i am now wif thoughts of u flooding my mind.how we were.the happiness we shared.u dont know how badly i miss u.how i long to hold u.if dats too much to ask,at least juz to see u smile once again or hear u laugh.dose desires can neva be fulfilled.y did u haf to leave me here?da oni regret i haf was not telling u dat i love u enough.u r the one i love,haf always loved n will always love.the one person hu has neva made me feel aniting less den happy.
~dun pretend ur sori,i know ur not,cuz u noe u got the power to make me feel weak inside~
but now God has sent another him into my life.(i tink of him,n im reminded of u.i tink of u n im reminded of him)sumone not exactly da same,juz similar.i was given a chance.2 chances.many chances.but i was juz too scared.n i still am now.im too scared dat if i do open up wats left of my heart,history mite repeat itself once again.i dont noe if he understands.i dun blame him if he doesnt.i haf put him thru so much.tears n wat not.n im sori.now i tink back on wat i haf done n im so sori.to you.the one hu threw the lifeline juz in the nick of time.the person who created a real smile on my face.
~all of our tears will be lost in the rain,when i find my way back to your arms again~
i hear dat u r tired of us.tired of me.i dun blame u.if eva u gif up on wat we haf n wat we cud be,i dun blame u.i wont stop u.i reflect.n i realise all the test i haf put u thru.if u wan to go for another,juz go ahead.for hu m i to stop u.i once said,"we r perfect the way we r".n there u were hartbroken.i din understand y.i juz cudnt see wat u saw.wat u knew we cud be.how blind,how stupid i was.but tings keep flooding my head.people from ur past n present kip telling me tings about hu u once were.n hear i m struggling to stay afloat.struggling to not believe wat i hear.but sumtimes ur actions do send wrong signals.n u leave me confused.i noe u dun mean to.(i hope not)but u haf to understand dat its not easy to hear abt hu u once were n still b convinced dat u r not dat same person.prove it.u r doing so,bit by bit.
~isnt anyone trying to find me?~
now he has gone to a new place to start a new life.but it is hu he was wen i first met him dat captured my heart secretly.(im not saying u haf changed.)i juz dont noe how to say it.i take wat im goin thru now as a classic example of karma,of retribution.its scary how all dats happening is a mere reflection of jan-april.now its my turn.everything we r goin thru now is a test.i noe.he wans his time n i wan mine.dis fear of having my heart shattered is very much alive in me.if he walks away from me cuz of dis i dont know wat to say.if he walks away from me for another,i wish him all the best.
~in a world torn by change~
i take ur werd wen u said we r doin juz fine.im juz praying hard dat dis fear in me wud not werk us apart,dat it wun make me walk away.patience n understanding is wat i need.i guess it cud b too much.n now here i am tryin to resurrect jan-april,da part in which da word "argue" did not exist betwen us.it cud relive.but its up to us.he told me to haf faith in him.trust me,i do.everyone kips tellin me we r both blind.my sister,uztaz,kristel,juz nearly everyone.i dun understand wat dey r trying to say.maybe i wud sum day.
~the final test is yet to come~
how i feel now?happy.honestly i am.everything is juz fine.ur right.we shall keep each other smiling as we always haf.n everything will be juz fine.heehee.
*thank you,my box of hope.no,i haf not forgotten all this tings.*
~its so incredible the way things work themsleves out.~
so now i leave u all tinkin k.sumone important made me question myself wen i said i wana walk away.he said,"ask urself,if your not the one,then y does my hand fit yours this way?"im lyk waaaaaaaaat.yeah.heh.anihoo's im feeling quite fine now.haha.all happy happy but still sick.ahaha.n no.dis is not an emo post.its wat i kol HEMO-ing bebeh.(Happy Emo)heehee.kip smiling now.
~try again never stop believing~
~try again dun gif up on your love~
~stumble n fall is the heart of it all~
~when u fall down~
~just try again.~
foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 11:59 AM
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
~i wont let time erase one bit of yesterday cuz i haf learnt that nobody can take your place~woke up to my fone ringin today.it was my dear shahruhkh khan aka Vicky on the oder line.oh god i cud juz imagine his meltalable smile.MENINGGAL!heehee.dono y dat boy kolled my,brain was practically asleep.haha.so den i took my usual hour bath.went online chat abit.den i had sum major wardrobe issues.totali din noe wat to wear den i ended up wearing my bright green polo wif my black guess jeans cuz you lyk seeing me in it.~this experience too painful to talk about~den den den i made my wae to ma man's aka azhars place.returned him his ipod.thnx love.ur songs r sooo my type.all whitney h n mariah c.had a BLAST getting my groove on to ur songs!gotta find a slot to catch a movie wif dat boy.goodness noes wen dat wil happen.~"everybody knows that i was such a fool,to ever let go of you",he says.~me goin over to azhars place i guess made you uneasy or i dono wat da word is to describe dat feeling u felt.nuting happened n nuting will happen.trust me.=)~i'll hold it in til my heart can mend and be brave enough to love again~den i went to admiralty to meet filzah n da oder gurls.tot dem da bollywood dance.if dey do properly.i tel u.consperm damn nice kebabom!haha.den i was suppose to meet dan n goodness hu else at orchard or sumtin.den den den tak jadi.i guess i was a lil sad but hei at least i got hm early,made my mom hapi n i cud rest.im lyk sick.down wif da stinking flu.gosh my throat feels lyk a bus ran over it n my nose feels lyk a hose.oh god.*i miss u dan*~more than words is all i ever needed you to show you feel that your love for me is real~so now here i am blogging.tired.n sick.but yet smiling.heehee.so i guess im gona go end here for today.brighten up sumones day wif dat beautiful smile of urs all u lovely blog ppl!!*giggles n bounces off*(u dun miss the water until its gone.)i miss u too.yes you.(i juz dun understand,y your running from a good man.y ur running turn ur back on love.y you've already given up) ~im not gonna cry and i wont beg you to stay~~if your're determined to leave,i will not stand in your way~~but in evitably,you'll be back again~~cuz you know in your heart,our love will never end~foxy mama, out.
ToRemainorLeave? 10:33 PM
~dont put out the glow~woke up,got ready,left home,met faizah at admiralty.haha.sori for my sae weird intro.well well.den we met up wif filzah n company.da AI talentime dancers i helped.tot dem sum tango cum salsa.heehee.dat was fun.oh oh oh!den der was dis lyk grp of mats..n dey wif deir no lifeness asked dis small boy to get my no.HELLO!u no life bodoh!n i was lyk sayin im not malay n dat i wasnt frm singapore.wahahahha!we tot it wud end der.but nooo.it din.dey actuali came n walk walk around our area a few times.n everytime dey did i wud pretend im bz dancing or sumtin.den dey made stupid bird noises.retards.in da end i kolled moran n asked him to tok to me.poor boy was lost..sori babe.~her heart is cold n has lost the will to love,like a broken arrow~den i went over to my nieces place at yew tee.miss dose gurls.ameera dear made me a bracelet.so sweeet.den SUNDENLY i feel sick.damn it.so i dono how m i gona make it tomoro.sum more i got azhars i pod to return to ma man.how?*does funi hand ting*die.~u kept me in dark~now im at home..oh so tired...n oh so drained.wundering how im gona oh so make it thru tomoro..nonetheless,i still gotta smile.heehee.so ders not much to write.*cant hear from u tonite*~he realises n says,"u can save me from the man that i've becum."~weell..til fate brings us together..farethewell my sek kebabom knights n fair nitangales.kip thy smiles on yeah bebehs...~u can find love,if u reach into ur soul~~and the emptiness u felt will disappear~~and then a hero comes along~~i will make it through the rain.~foxy mama, out.
ToRemainorLeave? 12:06 AM
Sunday, June 11, 2006
~time cant erase a feeling this strong~went for imans bdae.i had a
BLAST!!made new frens!!woohoo!!nathan,sum rili funky(in a gd way)indian dude hu gifs iman massages,sum chinese malaysian dude,mimi,n dis cute afiq dude.i found
a new homie today!
FAZLI!he's one boy hu actuali does my beyonce victory dance n cat fight hand shake wimme!!heehee.well,da ppl hu were there was me,dan,moran,faizah,azli,hadi,irsyad,YUSMAR,azhar,nathan,hakim,FAZLI,mimi,cute afiq,n da chinese malaysian dude.we ate n ate.da food was scrumdiliumtious man!den we played games.
~what do u have to do to win this heart that's barely beating?luk in ur hart n u'll find the answer,if ur lucky.~we played murderer first.it was GREAT!i was lyk da freakin murderer soo many freakin times.hah!father police mah.heehee.den we played telephone line.shitass funi ah.sooooo havoc man.heehee.n we realised SUM ppl i shant sae hu,nids to dig deir ear wif a freakin SPOON!haha!den we played charades.urgh.chalte chalte.u die bodoh
smallfry-step-germany-tak-jadi boy.hoohoo.juz kiddin.den we had sum prayers for iman.i emo a bit
.(past memories).den den den.saw da boys solat.
~just wanted you to noe how i juz love to see u pray~(dun ask,its a fadhillah ting)*eh,u beta not action u dono hu u r ah.*den we ate yet again.den b4 we left,iman opened his gift.my hero cried at da end.i hope u lyk my gift dear iman.den den den.imans uncle sent us to tamp inter in a pretty LORRY!RADICAL bebeh!soo fun.heehee.den den den.den i went home n da northerneirs went back to where dey belong.heehee.
i guess everyting is going juz fine now.im hapi n all.i dowan get upset nimore ah.no point.let it all be.im gona stick to kristel's werds.lets juz see k.heehee.well kip smiling now all u beautiful blog ppl!til my next post then.kip smiling.
~i can make it thru the rain,i can stand up once again~~on my own n i noe dat im strong enuf to mend~~n everytime i feel afraid,i hold on tight onto my faith~~n i'll live one more day,n i'll make it thru the rain~(im sorry too for everything that we haf been through lately)foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 11:50 PM
Saturday, June 10, 2006
~once again im thinking about taking the easy way out~had my measurements for my cheerleading costume taken.da costume is not DAT bad.i guess its ok.heehee.den den den.i met up wif hadi to find my hero's bdae gift.we walk a bit.den we had lunch.such a gentleman dat boy.he paid for my lunch.not dat i cudnt pay myself.haha.so sweet of him.den we made our way to 2001.heh.touching back sunday.heehee.ma bad.went in dat shop for lyk a GAJABILLION times.~u never miss the water,until it's gone~der was a matchbook romance n TAKING back sunday jacket we wanted to get him.but der was no size.n i was lyk waaaat.so i ended gettin him a pretty pair of shoes n hadi got him sum drumming kit tingy.heehee.so sori dear iman.(promise u i'll get dat jacket yeah.)tomoro is his chalet ting.tomoro is HIS day!to b hapi.juz smiles.n everyone beta put aside wateva nonsense for him.he has had enuf of hurt,enuf of being da middle man.enuf ppl.n its sad how he is unappreciated n simply forgotten after every ting he has done.~she says,"dun say i love u if u dun mean it"~met up wif yusmar,irsyad n azhar.met dan,moran,faizah n azli too.bad start.but it ended alrite.SAC fad is back,no boy can take away dis "happiness".not even you.my heartfelt tears r made for my family,my gurlfrens,yan.wana go den go.gifts she gave.im not saying anitin.last nite.dear kristel gave me hell good advice as usual.heehee.i noe wat to do.i trust ur werds gurl.i hope ur right.my 4 months.den juz now,met up wif didi.heehee.i miss dat boy.had dinner.den he walked me home.no life ah he n his stupid lame jokes.retard.heehee.yes didi,da next person i get in2 a relatnshp wif wud b sumone i consider marrying.heh.its amazing how ppl change.den,dey galavent off.den dey cum back.now wat da hell m i sayin?k cut dat.haha.karma strikes back.haha.juz larf it off.da future is wat i luk forward to.i hold on to ur werds kristel.~"your far away for far too long",he says to me~so aniwae,i gotta write imans bdae leta now.heehee.hope everyting goes out well tomoro.for iman.til then,keep on smiling cuz i haf nothing not to smile abt.im always happy.=)~i was lying to myself,now im dying in this hell~~begging for a 2nd chance,r u gona let me in,i was running from da truth~~now im crawling back to u~(says them.yeah whatever.)~u wana be free,so i let u fly~foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 10:29 PM
Friday, June 09, 2006
~broken up,deep inside.but u wont see the tears i cried~today was suppose to accompany azli to TP budden he was stil sleeping..so yada yada ya.den,we met moran n dan,went to TP to hand in his stuff.den we met up wif jakin n cousin at tamp.wanted to play pool budden pavilion closed.boohoo.so went to amk to play pool.den wanted to go to AMK park.budden sum disagreed.oh.speakin of dis.i wana take dis chance to apologise to him for totali shutting him up wen he wanted to get a point across,point dat ppl care for me dats y dey sae no..but it doesnt matter animore..tired of me.tired of us.~"he'll turn back,dey always do,trust me",says her n da rest(yeah wateva)~went to haf dinner at khatib mc..sori again for my wat da hell ness..along da wae i had shitloads of stuff put in my head..heh.so yeah.its revolting how..k nevamind.aniwae..its amazing how retribution slaps u in da face in da form of de exact reflection of wat u once did.(regret).~sumhow i created sumwat a monster wen i told u to "man up a little".(regret)~SAC fadhillah is back..da one everyone prefers..even if it means i haf to kip tings in.its beat..furthermore,it doesnt matter if i do kip it in now does it?hes got her to werk hard for.wishing u all da best.ur passwerd wif a smiley.leave me,for now.just go.im sori for da expressionless n random post today.juz got a hell lot of tinkin to do tonite.yeah.woopee.heh.dis is now my 4 months of waiting n retribution,in silence.~dey dun see it,appreciate it,treasure it,til its gone.den dey realise,dey wan it back~da smiling begins tomoro for me.but da rest of u,pls keep dose beautiful smiles on.til weneva.~so together but so broken up inside~~running back to him,to da one person hu keeps me smiling,my first love~(n i dun gif two fucks abt wat u ppl r gona say)foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 11:20 PM
Thursday, June 08, 2006
~back in your arms where I belong~its lyk 1 sumtin in the mornin n i cant sleep..woopee.so bein da no life jc student i am,i shall blog..heehee..well well well...i had a rather pleasant but tiring week..lets start wif today den we go back n wateva shits yea..my blog so my pasal..well,today i had cheerleading at chong boon sec aka boon cheng sec
(kwang!kwang!kwang!).its lyk at amk.such a "delightful" place.wee.so den me n shellyrah den went our seperate ways.i went hm.cleaned up.den left to meet syahmi,moran,faiza,daniel n azli.shellyrah gt excited cuz she bumped into dem.silly child.den we chilled for awhile den every1 left except for dear dan.we went to chow dwn at long johns at marina square.den walk around to help me luk 4 a dress.den i went to da esplanade to watch sum dance show ting "shanghai beauty".dan joined us cuz gt xtra ticket.heehee.den den den!!oh..dis gurl..had sum wardobe malfuntion den
BAM her boobs were lyk.k nvm.den der was dis dude dat cum out in his
BOY PANTIES n started gettin his groove on.as usual i was crackin jokes so da gurls were larfin lyk crazy.haha.den went to da bay n rooftop n wat not.den went hm.sum random malaysian dude asked me out to sum bbq or wateva.lyk wat da hell.den i juz found out anoder IJC dude likes me.rriiitttteeeee.surrrrreeeeee.n my ass luks lyk britney.
~sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over~on monday i met up wif sweet kristel n we took PICTURES!!YAY!!beautiful.den went over to morans.heehee.lovely house he has.den den den.came tue.went to skul.den went back to SAC.had a BLAST!!yada yada ya.went to morans place again.(sum stupid cock bunch of mats hu wun leave me alone!urgh!)den he made sum crazy
iranian tom yam meets wasabe potion.gosh it was MENINGGAL hot!!my lungs hurt after dat.fuh.den da boy help me stretch n say tear a muscle or two.haha.den den den.ya.heehee.lost my thought.nvm.my blog,my pasal.heehee.
~i juz dun understand,y ur running frm a god man baybeh,y ur running turn ur back on love,y u've already given up~well, i got skul tomoro.n i feel lyk as though i haf a rhino sittin on my eyelids now. *ding!ding!*der goes da bell..time to sleep now.til we meet again blog people. kip smiling.
~i'll always luk back as i walk away,to where we wil last 4 eternity.~~where all of our tears wil be lost in da rain,wen i find my way back to ur arms again~~n until dat dae u noe u r, the Queen of my heart~foxy mama, out.
ToRemainorLeave? 1:05 AM
Sunday, June 04, 2006
~but i believe for u n me,the sun will shine one day~woke up to fikri's crying.n i was lyk waaaaaaaaaaat....haha.had a pretty much boring day..den i decided to get my ass up n to da KK hospital..see da kids.its heartening to see how balloons made dem soo hapi...gosh...one of da gurls are gone now.......da 5 yr old one i mentioned.dat was how long i din visit dem.n da part dat hurt da most.she was one of dose hu kept asking for me.seeing deir smiles rili made me realise how much i missed constantly smiling.be it real or not.i dun care.i saw how hapi dey kept demselves no matter how dim da circumstances were for dem.so its abt time for me to start smiling even tho tings may seem lyk crap around me.rememba?take deep breath..5 secs...put it aside.den smile.heehee.
k..dowana put in too many long posts.heehee.my sis n i were "bonding" over music videos.was watchin all da britney classics.saw dis american gurl make a home made "im a slave 4 u" video..wif da whole undies on da outside superman wannabe ting..gosh she luked retarded.heehee.hilarious!!hahahaha!
~theres no one lyk u to speak to speak to my heart~meeting my dearest sarah c..ex sac.one of my most funnest n most on gurlfren.gosh i miss her.my sweet kristel is cummin along too!!woohoo!!gurls day out!!criusly miss bein around gurls only everydae.hehe.ouch!(gosh stretching hurts nowadays)haha.randomness.oh!oh!oh!my neighbours kids came over.ain,tasha n oh so "soon to be super hot n sexy wen he grows up" fahmi.MENINGGAL!heehee.vicky btw tinks its funi dat my ass got stuck in da laundry basket yesterdae...soooooo not funi boy.sooooooo not funi.heehee.
~all of our tears will be lost in the rain,wen i find my way back to ur arms again~kip smiling now!Beautiful!!heehee.*giggles n bounces off*,*bounces back*,*closes eyes,blows a kiss*,*bounces off again*=)
~in places no one will find,all ur feelings so deep inside~-smiley SAC fadh is back again.woohoo=)see?heehee-
foxy mama,out.
ToRemainorLeave? 9:54 PM