we are strangers starting out on a journey

2007-05-26T14:54:00.000+08:00

~come please im falling~

hey all..

dont u find it sad wen things dun werk out but da momst minimal thing u ask for is frenship n yet u dun get it?well...i guess some ppl just need time..while others just wait..

while keeping their options open.

~show me what its like to be the last one standing~

perhaps going out for dinner n maybe a walk at pasiris park wif rahman(ite simei) athelete later.taking a short break before i go full steam for summer test..must pass!!!

~teach me wrong from right and i'll show you what i can be~

wif all dat im going thru..i broke down at the beginning.but wen i sat down n tot abt it.hey.

i got kristel.
i got vicky,syahir n haashir.
i got my classmates.
i got azi,nisa and aini.
i got the cheerleaders.
i got the jogging at ite simei.

what more can i ask for?i am a happy girl.=)

Where did i go wrong i lost a friend.
Somewhere along in this bitterness.
And i would have stayed with you all night.
Had i known how to save a life

~there is no guy devoid of Tebiat~

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*=)

2007-05-24T00:09:00.000+08:00

~welcome my love,dont you leave my side~

no word could explain what i am feeling right now.

the sound of your voice makes me want to cry.

yes you.

~you have inspired someone~
~i got the meaning what the meaning of what fills the heart~
~you're the one that i have been searching for all this while~
~one who is just a dream~

foxy mama,out.

cant manage a giggle.let alone bouncing off.sorry.

2007-05-22T10:20:00.000+08:00

~izinkanku mencuri bayangan wajahmu~

haha.melayu.

i miss him.
alot.

but he's missing now.

for more den a week.n its taking its toll.
i din expect myself to be so sad.i dun expect to cry.oh but i did.

~im standing on a bridge,waiting in the dark~

would he ever call again?

its hard for me to open my heart up again.n wen i do,the very thing i fear happens.

im open to all valued advice.i need it right now.

~here i go,scream my lungs out trying to get to you~

i wun show dis despondency wen im in skul.my frens deserve beta from me.

~there's nothing but the rain~

sumtin to smile about,my lovely adam dearest is back.i miss him so.
tot i would never see him again.i was patient n he came back.
perhaps i shud do the same wif fad?

im lost.

help me.

~we are strangers starting out on a journey~

cheer camp was great.
colgate is da shit man.
and i got to noe my juniors dat much beta.
especially those i once resent.

cheerleading will take my mind off u.but unfortunately cheer resumes on da 29th of june.

shit.

nevermind,mugg i shall.

~I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life~

thank you shahdan.

take care ppl.keep smiling.=)

~The scent of vasoline in the summertime~
~The feel of an icecube melting overtime~
~The world seems bigger than both of us~
~Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry~
~It's alright I'm OK~
~I think God can explain~
~I believe I'm the same I get carried away~
~It's alright I'm OK~
~I think God can explain~
~I'm relieved I'm relaxed I'll get over it yet.~

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-05-05T12:11:00.000+08:00

~you think you know me but you have no idea~

its amazing what joy and serenity the most oddest place can give you.

jogging in ite simei dose me wonders.

and mind you.i dont give two hoots about whoever out there hu wana make an unvalued judgement.cause i know my intentions for being there and so dose the guys.so if you wana go on saying its cause of other agenda's thats why i go there.GO RIGHT AHEAD.i dun care.i enjoy being there and its all that matters.

i used to think that these mats were just lyk every oder no life boob watching pervert.but dey proved me wrong uh.can actually have a decent conversation wif dem.and actually feel much better after that.

about wat i said once before abt these guys.i shud shove my foot down my throat.

its disgusting and revolting how guys make you wait.
i refuse to swallow and just smile anymore.yes,im referring to u.

im missing my kristel man..urgh...i need a dosage of kristel..yes,dats wat i need.

da slenge sisterhood has been emo-ing da pass few days.but i love dem more now more than i did before.yet anoder source of joy.=)

I know you're in there
You can make me wait
But I'm not going to wait
It's the least that I can do
Just to tell you face to face
I was lying to myself
Now I'm dying in this hell
Girl, I know you're mad
I can't blame you for being mad
But baby, here I am

lets see how it goes.

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-05-01T15:04:00.000+08:00

~i sit here all alone,looking at you over there~

it's labour day.and i feel like crying.

~you opened the doors to my heart~

never have i ever felt so neglected.never have i felt so ignored.you dont even tell me what kips u away all the time.u dun tell me anything.YET,u want me to understand n just be patient.

~do you know the meaning of what fills my heart?~

funny how u say u feel lyk as though ur da one who's doing all the chasing where i on the other hand couldnt care less..at this point of time,that is a J.O.K.E.

~im so far away from you love~

i hear those words u say alrite.i hear it loud and clear. but the thing is.i dun see it happening.i dun feel it.and funi how thats wat matters most.da seeing n feeling,not da listening.

~let me pull myself back~

dun blame me if i think that there is someone else.im not mad at u.its no biggy.really.

~yang selama ini ku cari~(something someone sang)

im made to feel as though u dun even make enuf effort to make time for me.how important i am to u?da size of my toe.dats how important i am.

~you changed everything~

im apparently demanding.so now i ask for nothing.u kip up lyk this,dun even expect anitin more from me.

~your presence lights everything in my heart~

i deserve everything i give u just as much as u do.so please,be back to how things were.dose times before.

when i actually mattered.

~you are everything that lights up my life~

ur being missed.

the question is,
does it matter?

sori for da emoness all.things haven been so great.medical wise.n wat not.needed someone there,but unfortunately that someone cud be there for everyone else but me.

oh well,live with it gurl.

i got to fly again yesterday.abit rusty.but hell.im gona gain back my confidence.thank u to my darlings lyk nisa,azi and aini for taking me away to happy land.i love u so much.oh!n i got to see my favourite firefighter jafni.hahahah!stupid pantat turning into a mat.NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!hahaha.derek looks cute.haha.justin oso boleh tahan.hahaha.my men in uniform.HAHA.den bumped into haoren.hu looks extra hot now dat hes in ns.haha.

so aniway,dis is it for today.i love kristel.i need her so.

i miss iman,oh yes i do.btw.he looked damn hot sia yesterday wen he came back frm da hockey match.hahaha.HOOOOTTTTTT..lyk da *melts* type.distracted me from stunts for a moment.hahahah.kay dah dah.

i need a dosage of baizura,slenge the dog and amrit,kecoh the setan.make me smile gurls.

ur voice rings in my head.

i like this song.=)

Share my life, take me for what I am
Cause I'll never change all my colours for you
Take my love, I'll never ask for too much
Just all that you are and everything that you do
I don't really need to look very much further
I don't want to have to go where you don't follow
I won't hold it back again, this passion inside
Can't run from myself
There's nowhere to hide
Well,don't make me close one more door
I don't wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there

foxy mama,out.

*giggles bounces off*

2007-04-29T13:24:00.000+08:00

deep from within me, love was twisted and pointed at You.

yes you.

2007-04-29T12:14:00.000+08:00

~its a damn cold nite~

Ever had that sick ass feeling that gets stuck in your throat and its so hard to swallow? Well,dats how i feel rite now. The paradox of being so angry and wanting to smash something yet you also just wanna sit down and just cry.

Lets blame it on circumstances.

~wont you take me by the hand take me somewhere new?~

Why does circumstances have to be this way week after week? Why does circumstance have to come between us like this? Why do u make me feel as though i am of little importance? You say so much but yet you don't show it. And when i voice it out,you get upset and you tell me im hurting you.it kills me to know that i hurt you. Cant you see?

Let's blame it on circumstances.

~i don't know who you are,but im with you~

I told you of my medical conditions. I told you not to be agressive in what you need to say or snap at me cuz i dun take it too well for i am actually Very soft hearted. But yet u still do. Maybe it's my fault. Well if it is,then i hope you accept my humble apologies.

Lets blame it on Cirsumstances.

~isnt anyone trying to find me~

But right now, i i dun feel what you say you feel for me through your actions. Mere words are being spoken. Im starting to get scared of telling you how i really feel abt certain tings cause i dont want to hurt you. Perhaps if you opened your eyes bigger,you might just realise that: hei,perhaps i am not showing her wat she rili means to me. Thats why she's like this.

Lets blame it on Circumstances.

~wont somebody come take me home~

I just wanna throw a bitchfit cause every weekend its the same ting. And dont you dare make me feel bad for feeling lyk as though i take meeting up as of more importance den u actuali do. Theres always sum circumstance dat forces me to kip it all in.but do u noe how hard it is for me to just be forced to throw away dat anger n frustration of u falling asleep on me or not answring my kols(makin me luk lyk a desperate ass for kolin so much)or just takin 2 mins to reply ONE sms cause u nid me to support u n console u.wat about me?

Lets blame it on Circumstances.

~i dont think you would be able to see what i feel inside~

cmon,i emptied my whole weekend for.i noe u din promise me anitin..but hell..u cud at least make sumtime for me.its to da point dat i feel a ball,two goal posts n a field is of more importance den being wif me.u cud skip religious lessons for dat.y not for me?

Lets blame it on Circumstances.

~trying to be so perfect~

u noe wat,screw this.kol me wen u want to.text me wen u want to.ask me out wen u want to.n dun u dare tel me dat u feel lyk as tho ur da oni one doing da chasing here.cuz wen i do make my move,u cant go on wif it cuz ur busy wif sumtin else,thus making me retreat into my shell.sink it in.

~there were nights when the sun was so cruel~

now u take da lead.n i will be the one seeing if i can make it or if i cant.u can make urself busy.so can i.n trust me.wen i immerse myself in work,even replying an sms wud b of little importance to me.i dowana do dat.lets not go there.

~im waiting in the dark,i though that u'd be here by now~

u can get mad at me if ever u cum across dis post.but i nid to let dis out sumwhere.so there.thank u blogger.patience u say?try being in my shoes for da past three weeks.den u cum n tok to me abt patience.

~trying to figure out this life~

perhaps tings wud be smooth sailing after u pass out from the academy.i pray it wud.u tel me i do haf to prove myself worth too,but how do i wen everytime i try,u make me retreat?u got alot to show me.da feelings u claim u haf.keeping to ur werds.being patient n not snapping at me.n being able to show me dat i do mean sumtin thru ur actions.cuz at dis point of time,ur werds dun hold anitin.dey used to.until u kept not keeping to dose very werds u said.

~when you hold me like this and i kiss you like that~

u haf no idea wat my feelings are towards u.i wanted to tell u.but i guess because of circumstances.now u'll possibly never noe.

i just realised dat he mite just be infuriated n die frm anger if he reads dis..but dis is wat he has conformed me to feel.im sorry.

~too long,too late~

i need Kristel.
i need Azi.
i need Nisa.
i need to jog.
i need Iman.
i need Bai.
i need Amrit.
i need Idham.
i need 0743A.

help me pls.

~im looking for a place~
~ searching for a face ~
~is anybody here i know~
~cause nothings going right~
~and everythings a mess~
~and no one likes to be alone~

foxy mama,out.

(sori ppl,cant bring myself to giggle n bounce off today.im at da verge of crying.)

2007-04-22T21:17:00.000+08:00

~No man,no cry~

im baaack...lotsa ppl telling me my blog quite dead..never post frequent entries..i busy mah..n lyk sumtimes haf to admit..a bit lazy..hahaha..aiyah..u all miss me just say la..no nid to hide hide n say "ur blog y never update"..hahahahhaha.cute la u all..hahahah..

~here you are by my side~

though it was a tinsy bit weird toking to him again,im whole hell glad.its gona take time.but its gona be worth it...cmon,gif us a break,its been more den 10 months since we last spoke..now dats the shit..haha..lunch sumtime perhaps?dat feeling of him tokin to me again..no wait,dat feeling wen i get wen he smiles at me,UNDESCRIBABLE.. =)

~when im lost in the rain,in your eyes i know i'll find the light to light my way~

kristel came over to chill the oder day...a dosage of kristel does wonders to my system...i miss her so..having her der wif me all the time..sigh...if only.

~too long,too late,who was I to make you wait?~

tings din go so well on saturday(yesterday).

suppose to be picked up at 9.
9am: i call n call n call n call n call.no ans.
930: thinks to self "I WAKE UP BEFORE DA FREAKIN SUN RISES N HE IS DEAD TO DA WERLD"
940am: one answers.(FINALLY!)find out one slept at 4am due to family problems.
945am: thinks to self, "damn i hate it wen we r so ready on being angry n throwing a bitch fit n den dey come along wif a good reason n then u haf to be oh so understanding cuz its written in the book"
946am: swallows plate of anger n says "its okay,just go get ready"
950am: one goes to quickly shower to fetch me.
1015am : gets a msg "im sori,my mum just collapsed in da toilet. i cant just leave her like this.but i will meet u today,i promise"
1016am: thinks to self "bessssssst."

~last chance for one last dance~

enuf of da schedule ting...budden at nite one took me out on a car ride..n sumhow made up for PART of the whole day...ders a make up next saturday.hopefully everyone breaths well.(i hope she's fine)never thought that i would wait..oh but i did..

~waiting for someone~

next week,going back to band to help out.hope dey do well for SYF.

oh good god..homework..homework n more homewerk...i wana kill da ppl hu invented ECONOMICS..wana noe how economics shud be spelt?its true spelling..heres how u spell economics E-V-I-L.all dose in favour say i.n u can sign up for membership in dis organization i started.we take part in meetings to plan out a SUPER GOOD plan to kill da ppl hu came up wif economics..n dose ppl hu actuali HELP economists.ppl lyk JOHN SLOMAN.

~when i find my way back,to your arms again~

well,here i am waiting once againwats new?take care ppl..

here's sum jokes to lighten up da craps in my post.

pick up lines n how a gurl shud ans dem:

guy:how do u wan ur eggs in da morning?
gurl: unfertilized.

yo momma's so fat,she fell in love and broke it.

keep smiling all.(no dats not a joke.)

~so here we stand in out secret place~
~with the sound of the crowd,so far away~
~you take my hand and it feels like home~
~while dancing we'll feel like theres no tomorrow~
~so how do i say,do i say "Goodbye"~
~we both have our dreams,we both wanna fly~
~so lets take tonight,to carry us through~
~the lonely times~

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-04-15T17:56:00.000+08:00

-kaulah segalanya-

malay intro..heeee....from the police officer wif da voice of angel.go figure.=)

-there can be miracles when you believe-

dear god.he's back.yes him.and because of him,im updating my blog.

-though hope is frail is hard to kill-

u haf no idea how long i've waited for dis moment..sumtimes wen everyone tels me i shud move on n just forget abt him cuz a fren wudnt put frens thru such hell, a small part of me stays behind n waits..n im ever so grateful for dat part dat waited.cuz now,my wait has ended n he's back.

-lying beside you,here in the dark-

it all began lyk dis..was on msn...sundenly,a window popped up..it was him..asking me for my hp number...cuz it got deleted...then i tried my luck..ask him how he was..USUALLY..i wud be slapped back wif a short blunt 'im fine' or sumtin sumwhere along dat line.but last nite.the angels opened the gates of heaven.n BAM.he poured his heart out..every second there was last nite..was pure bliss..at da verge of tears..

-so here we are-

he practically spilled his guts out...n wif everyting we shared abt in our lives recently,i relived every memory i had wif him.now more than ever..i cant wait to kick start the rebirth of our frenship..dis time around..i refuse to let anitin take him away from me..

-without you where do i belong?-

u shud haf seen the joy i was immersed in.n mind u,i still am.i cant wait to see him in skul.i cant wait to say hi..i cant wait to smile dat smile i haf locked away frm him..i just cant wait to be in his presence again..its been too long..

-you keep me warm-

he thought that perhaps i mite tink hes running back to me oni wen he nids me..wen he feels lyk he has nobody..even if he does feel dat way..i wud welcome him back with open arms..

-dont ever leave my side-

how precious he is to me.he doesnt noe.though he made me feel lyk a stranger..worse,a non existant being in his life,nevertheless,he was always a part of mine..i just had to wait patiently for him to come back..

just had to wait in the silence and in the shadows he plunged me in...

my hero......iman....he's back.

n now,begins a new chapter of our frenship..

thank you.

-so now i come to you,with open arms-
-nothing to hide,believe what i say-
-sp here i am,with open arms-
-hoping you'll see what your love means to me-
-open arms-

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-04-06T11:21:00.000+08:00

~its time to boogey~

ADASTRA.........................................
THIRD IN NATIONAL CHEERLEADING.

~three wishes,what would they be?~

THIRD IN SINGAPORE KINDNESS MOVEMENT CHEERLEADING COMPETITON....

~why surrender when you can win?~

MOST POPULAR SQUAD BY PUBLIC VOTING IN DA SAME COMPETITON.....

~time is precious and its slipping away~

go.fly.shine. people.......Go.Fly.Shine.

~i can read your mind and i know your story~

i miss flying so bad....=( sigh...i miss kristel shitloads...i so need to make time for her....haf not been living up to my status as her best gf now haf i?disappointment is me..

~i feel like i've been locked up tight for a century of lonely nights~

oh oh oh!!i loooove my new class!!!0743A CHAMPION CG during skul camp!!!!WOOOOOOOOOO!!!well done u guys...all our merepekness....paid off!!!hahhaha...da camp was great...u shud haf seen me..i was so paranoid abt getting burnt...was on a sunblock frenzy..everytime da instructor asks "any qns?" i will say "wen can we put on sunblock?"...hahhahaahah!!!retard.im soooo happy for baizura..shes soooo gona say yes to him la can...bloody pantat still wana deny.haha!

he was there.

~stupid cupid,stop pickin' on me~

i mite haf to take a leave from tings dat i put less priority on in my life at dis point of time such as relationships cuz i see a need for me to get my schedule back on track..my studies.its not fair for me to make ppl wait while i sort tings out...so yeah...the possibility is very much there....dun be mad..

priorities :

1.Family
2.Studies
3.Girlfriends(kristel)
4.Cheerleading
5.Music(sacss band)
6.Friends
7.relationships

yup....at dis point of time...anyone canstill take deir shot at me..if ur good,u get it...if ur not,u din capture it..dis is how my life goes at dis point of time..try to change if u may...but dun b too hopeful though...if u dun like it...then, Piss off....its My life...

~my heart is like an open highway~

Hakuna matata.

went to ite simei to run the other day...made new friends..hahaha..nice running place..takes my mind off things..yup..

well...it ends here for now...til i haf time to blog again...kip smiling lovelies..=)

~when you want it the most there's no easy way out~
~when you're ready to go but your hearts left in doubt~
~dont give up on your faith~
~love comes to those who believe it~
~and thats the way it is~

funny how i like this song and its lyrics..ironic dun u think?

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-03-25T10:19:00.000+08:00

~take my hand,take my whole life too~

ADASTRA WON THIRD IN NATIONAL CHEERLEADING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i cant believe it!!!!hahahhhahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~you're like a dream come true~

u shud haf seen us!!jumping,hugging,screaming lyk lunatics without a care about wat anyone has to say!!!hahaha!!though i wasnt part of cheerobics,i came down to support the squad.=)

(at da expense of my cousins wedding)

~sing to me the song of the stars~

and support i did.during the cheer segment,i was lyk screaming random "WOO!"s A.L.O.N.E. HAHAHHA!!den after dey finished performing,da MC kolled me out to the stage!oh my gawd,my boobs nearly fell off sia. MALUATION la can!da mc said "everyone look,she is da virus dats causing da birdflu" bloooooooody *&%#!*^%!!!!anyhow oni sia dat guy.still,hu cares.WE ARE 2ND RUNNER-UP!!*flashes a big big smile*

~sing to me of the plans that you have for me over again~

next up. Kindness Cheer Competition. viviocity. 2-6pm. we can do this.

~make you fall in love wif me~

mai says all guys are dickholes. i disagree. all guys CAN be dickholes. HAHA!n yes, one guy has proven himself to be one. i hate it wen a guy lyks u, den he threatens dat he will go jump off a building or return to his old evil ways or tings lyk dat tinking dat u will get scared n stick wif him. news flash : HELL NO! immaturity.

~i've never found someone as good for me as you~

i wana catch up on skool. next week j1 camp. weeeee!bonding bonding wif new classmates.=)
sum dude i noe is gona b one of da instructors. "perfect".just wat i need.

~you were my strength when i was weak~

KRISTEL IS BACK FROM INDIAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i miss u baby gurl!*hugs cutting off air supply*=)

i also got to see my beloved "part time lesbian partner" LISA GOH!my baby!i miss u so much!!!band was good.went back to conduct.LISAAAAAAAAAAA!!*loves*

dear cheerleaders, though i din perform wif u guys for cheerobics,u noe i haf ur back 1000000% of da way. we haf proved da skul teachers dat our cheer squad MEANS sumting! we showed innovians hu tot we suck dat we dun. (stupid asses) pe teacehrs hu tink we haf no future can eat our dust! hahaha! kindness cheer up next. come on u guys, WE CAN DO IT! love u all so much.

u noe i do.

to the pioneers, thank u so much for all da help,guidance n motivation u haf given us. God bless each one of u. =)

it ends here.til my next post then.

~could hardly believe that i coudnt see~
~you were always there beside me~
~thought i was alone til you came along~
~you were always right beside me~

foxy mama,out.

p.s:you can call me pom pom.=)

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-03-17T20:49:00.000+08:00

~there's a song that's inside of my soul~

assalamualaikum.(not sure how to spell)heehee.

no ppl,dats not african language.its arabic for may peace be upon u.getting in touch wif da muslim nun(uztazah)in me.kay dah dah.merepek.hoohoo.

~in my dreams i'll always see you soar above the sky~

im sick as ever.head pains ever persistent.dun tel me to go to da doctor.i noe i haf to.i want to.its just dat im tied down but sumone big in my life so i cant go.

~the moment i saw you cry~

no cheer for me.dono if i can resume.even for cheerobics.honestly,my heart has been shattered.im not emo-ing kay,but heck,my heart is shattered cuz i cant go back to cheerleading.sumting i love so much.i oready dun haf time for my music.dis was da oni outlet i had left to take away all da pain dat i hide from people.da one dat i camouflge behind my giggles,smiles and jokes.

teachers,i noe u mean well,and im ever grateful for your care and concern.but u have no idea what u haf just done.

~in places no one would find,all your feelings so deep inside~

da family?its lyk dat i guess.She slapped me.from dat time til now,i've not spoken a word.just mere glances.never has anyone slapped me.but She did,wen she was da one hu hurt me so terribly emotionally.oh well,NUS graduates.i can only leave my prayers for her success.i love her.but still, it hurts.

~forever was in your eyes~

on the bright side.

I am baby.(you noe wat i mean)hahaha!it feels good.thank you for forgoing sleep to provide comfort.i appreciate it more than u noe.=)

to my dearest,i miss u so.take care of urself out there.i rili miss spending time wif u.i miss everyting dat has to do wif u.cant wait for u to come back.=(

n ders dis mystery sumbody hu put up "there you'll be" the pearl habour soundtrack by faith hill on my blog for me.thank u.u made my day.teehee.=)
til next time,keep smiling everybody.=)

to reminisce once again on dat Boy who stole my heart 3 years ago.u'll always be in my heart.din say dis enuf wen u were around. I Love You.

when I think back on this times,and the dreams we left behind.
I'll be glad cuz I was blessed to get, to have you in my life.
When I look back on these days,I'll look and see your face.
Your were right there for me.

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*=)

2007-03-11T16:30:00.000+08:00

~everytime i look at you~

yoohoo.

gonna make this one short n sweet.

woke up to a msg from izzuddin.yes ppl.izzuddin the ex.brings back memories.good and bad.still.its izzuddin.haha.

~this is where I went to school~

things been going quite horrid lately..cheer teachers took me out of kindness cheer competition because of my head injury.Scalp contusion.Intracranial injury.i can oni resume training wen i get letters to varify me fit for cheerleading.

fuckness.

shoot me somebody.

then lovely firefighter fren comes along n takes me out for a day to take my mind off things.i had SINFUL ben n jerry's.bet it feels better den sex.not dat i noe wat sex feels lyk..haha..went for a movie.n i haf a new found love for da potatochips at long johns.

~music gets the best of me~

thank you friend.u noe hu u r.u did make a difference.dun beat urself too much abt it.thank u so much.cant wait for da fire station.it awaits my wrath.HAHA!

~i miss the faces~

to Adastra(my cheer squad): Im totally bummed out dat i cant perform wif u guys. nontheless,i noe u guys can do dis. make it for da finals n i can perform. wooo! u guys can do dis. RA-RA your ass off lovelies. loving you always, the vice captain.*hugs*

n im utterly depressed at da loss of my nano. im so sori syahir my lovely.=...(

to top it all off,she slapped me.yay.throw party.

okay maybe ur short n my short different.haha.but my blog so my pasal.

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

i shall dance the crap away now.
or maybe jog da crap away.

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

2007-02-20T19:11:00.000+08:00

-i@fun: captain n vice cap same hand gesture-

-dis is by far my most cheerleader performance-

-Boys,dis is y gurls take so long in da toilet-

-cheer captain,epok2 makcik,da flower HE gave me n me-

-aku anak metropolitan.-(minah reps b4 da show)HAHA!
-our soundman had such a sexy voice-

-we erotic dancers,me n da flower HE gave me-=)

-the cheerleader in us never dies even in contemporary.-

-RAAAR!go hydir our medusa!u shud haf seen us scream.-

-the Greek cloth fairies-

-we were da lovely start of da show-

-dis is how bored i was on da TEN hr bus ride home.yes ppl,10 long hrs- ----------->

-yes yes,im in a kebaya.dun get excited-

-my precious three nieces.plenty love-

-the children i spent 20ringgit on for icecream.(da ice cream man was da oni cute thing dey had in kedah,besides da kids)haha!-

~smack that~

HELLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO PPL!i wun b surprised if no one reads dis entry.i can oni blame myself for it.daaaaaaaaaaamn long i never blog..hahaha...daaaaaaamn no time sia..come come..today,i shall summarise wat has been goin on for da past few months yeah..basically new years resolution : 1.balance academics with cheer 2.pass all my subjects(ESPECIALLY math) 3.be a better daughter. 4.be a better friend. 5.be a better cheerleader/dancer/musician 6.LOSE AT LEAST 5KG! 7.help more people. 8.be a better muslim. 9.give more 10.learn to swallow crap thrown at me.

~if music be the food of love,play on.~

haha.yes basically that.n about da moronic taggers hu haf no godforsaken guts to own up.GROW UP.cant b bothered to entertain such nonsensical monkey bullcrap.anywhore,many many events happened.IJC Opening ceremony(i was one of da dancers),last yr go kedah for my cousins wedding,i@fun n lots more uh..(we let da posted pictures do the tokin yeah)=)pending ones r da cheerobics,kindness cheer competition and sum show for woodgrove sec.CANT WAIT.

randomness: i got new found fetish for SCDF guys.hoohoohoo!!!!paramedics=heaven,firefighters=delicious,paramedics+firefighters=a very VERY happy kajol aka fadhillah.

~here i am once again,im torn into peices.~

anyhoo,tings haf been da same i guess.except da teachers haf been an ass...at least sum of em.well,dis is where da swallowing begins.i wana take dis oppurtunity to say thank u to KRISTEL(my soulmate) for da best advice ever.to MAISARAH(my crime buddy) for da jogging sessions n being der at da werst times ever. to AZIZAH(the captain) for helping make gd decisions for the squad n for da smiles. to NISA(my minah rep(kidding))for da patience n assistance. to AINI(power base)for da lovely hairdo. to SYAFIQ(da eyecandy)for da smiles n laughter. to DANIAL(da bestie)for da understanding.and to

RAHMAN(my bitchy sister)for everyting dis past few months.i will miss you the most.

HAPPY belated birthday dear danny.i owe u one.

taking care all.

foxy mama,out.

*giggles n bounces off*

p.s:i give away free hugs.=)(it all began frm i@fun)

2006-11-15T13:43:00.000+08:00

after fish n co dinner wif coach,azi n willy.

~im still waiting here in the silence until you come and sit awhile with me~

and im back..=)physio is good..my knee quite on off..haha..one time it doesnt hurt...anoder time it hurts lyk crap..bleagh..nonetheless,im on the road to recovery..weee!but now,physio has been made rather interesting all thanks to a certain sumone..grrrrr..*clenches fist*

~aint no other man~

cheer has started again!!HOORAY!!happy happy...training is damn tough now though..haf to get over my fear of the "liberty". had a damn bad fall for dat stunt last time..gotta get dat one down b4 i can progress to oder harder stuffs..coach is teaching us pop cradle n twist cradle!!HOOHOO!=)killer training.save me.

~still believing you'll walk through my door~

promised my friend dat i'll shed da god forsaken 6-7kg before opening ceremony,which is in early febuary..can ooooone..hahaha..12 rounds i told my friend.hahahah...can be accomplished=)

~there's an angel starting next to me,reaching for my heart~

i haf made da decision to stay in jc..all thanks to my fren..thanx a whole lot..hopefully u noe hu u r..but i doubt it,ur one of "those"..hahhaha!im staying because of u..not FOR u..so note da difference,dun feeling..hahaha..

~remember the time~

haf u ever had dis feeling..dis weirdo shitty feeling?well,i had it lately..but thanks to beautiful ppl lyk maisarah..sumhow help me feel better...thanks a million gurl...i rili love u for always bein der..everyting will turn out just fine for u kay..hang in there..kol me or msg me soon yeah..*hugs*its funi how ppl can hurt u by not doin anitin..u just do cuz,dey arent doin anitin!argh..i dono how to put dis in werds.random tot.

~for a moment like this~

patience..dats wat everyone says...well,im learning...i wana get over dis fear...u noe..being scared..n cuz of dis fear..i run away from everyting..ESPECIALLY my own feelings...run away n hide in a box...just lyk wat kristel wans to do..haha..still,just put on a hapi front=)god,i nid to be around children..ah watever,im just gonna kip myself busy so i wont tink so i stay happy.=)

~some people wait a lifetime~

many many newbies in cheer now.a BIG WELCOME TO: FIFI,FADLY,BOBBY,JYASS,AINI.(raymond and jazimin coming soon)=)oh my god,opening ceremony,12 dance routines to learn!!madness i tell u.but i bet da cheerleaders lyk "wonderwoman"..rite shelly?*flashes a smile*

~cant we make this last forever~

one morning,on my way to suqun pri for training,on the train,i had SP SAILORS for breakfast.WOOHOOHOO!on my way home,i had a white foreign expatriot for dinner.n on anoder day on my way to skool for training,i had scrumptious SOLDIERS for breakfast..we love men in uniform,oh yes we do.*wipes drool*HAHAHA!=)

~young girl don't cry,i'll be right here when your world starts to fall~

i tink its dumb how ppl go for oder ppl based on looks..*random thought*hahah..my moods rite now..daaaaamn on off...one time happy goat..anoder time moody cow..hahhaa..den larf...wat da....hahah..kay anihoos..reconciled wif moran n azli..glad dats over..met danial..miss him so much..so gona make time for him...=)

~he's a beautiful disaster~

aniway..im in a weird mood again..haha.
i miss kristel..haha..wats new...i wana go back to SAC...childrens home...so many tings i wana do...you will be da last on my list...cuz i rili dono...i rili rili dono...i guess i wun b speaking up,at least not now..dat oso i dono..hahah..it ends here...take care everyone..kip dose beautiful smiles on..*hugs tight tight*=)

~if i could have one dance forever,i would take you by the hand~

i like this one.thanks for putting songs into my nano.appreciate it.i owe u one.haha.u noe hu u r.cant say.ur rite,ppl mite talk..ppl just frens oso dey wana tok.dono wat da hell dey wana tok about.haha.hope to hear frm u soon.take care.=)

~and if i lived a thousand years you know~
~I never could explain~
~The way i lost my heart to you that day~
~but if destiny decided i should look the other way~
~then the world never know the greatest story ever told~
~and did i tell you that i love you,just how much i really need you~

foxy mama,out.

2006-10-30T09:45:00.000+08:00

~just a smile and there's no way back~

im baaaccckk!hahaha.let me begin from say tuesday?haha.cant rili remember much of da stuffs dat happened back then though...so i suppose it was a normal day..hahaha..oh wait.tuesday was first day of hari raya.AHAH!well..dis year no biggy..same old same old..except dat my family n i had some fatherly madness in da morning n fatherly flowering da rest of da day..oh well...den met my oh so lovely nieces n nephews which i miss sooo dearlyy...cousins all.WOOHOO!haha..watching wat i eat though......in da name of cheer.hahaha..ash u better be grateful for dis..haha..

~both a little scared,neither one prepared~

so anihoo's, thursday we had to go back to skul!!its damn lame can!hari raya second day sumoorreee!!woke up late!AHAHAHAH!so i went to skul..den din realise dat wif da new timetable skul finish oready wen i reach skul..*bangs head on wall*ahaha..sooo i bumped into ricca..sat der wif her as she was "studying"..made frens wif her eyecandy dat was wif her..hahha..DINI!!!haha..nice boy=)..he pangseh ricca go play bola..haha.so den i accompany her to da futsal court..n der was a congregation of j2 boys..adeel,syafiq,khai,da chinese lukin taufik n many more..hahah..made frens wif deely's fren..ADIB!!hoohoo!make new frens day!ahahaha..got sum good advice from ricca about bein nice..thnx love,i shall take note.=)after da match,met sweet sylvia..den khai,adeel,syafiq n us gurls went to haf sum prata at kragg..da prata seemed oddly EXTRA nice cuz it was FREEE!!thnx adeel.u so sweet.=)

~i wanna know,who ever told you i was letting go~

moving on to friday cuz nutin much happened on thursday..hahah..friday..skul..appointment got cancelled..so go study wif da threesome..den makan makan at al ameen.nice food i must say..exchange ipod..haha..now i got sum samsung wif me..nano del piero takin a holiday in teck whye..haha...arts appreciation..im immersing myself to indie rock n oder musics which i dun usually listen to..used to tink da songs r lame n monotonic..but after awhile,it grows on u..hahaha..i agree wif dear adeel..its just a bad habit dat ppl haf..i always haf had dat perspective,but still..bad habit..oh well,nobody's perfect.=)i wun DIE from being around it..haha..its just not advisable for me to be around it so much..so yeah..go ahead,but PLS try to cut down..

~thank you for this moment~

saturday go out jalan raya again..tired beyond words..sunday go leea's open house wif vicky,haashir n syahir...hotness smelt EXTRA nice...syahir n him looked EXTRA2 nice too...long sleeves.WOOOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOO!got home quite late though..my coms bein an ass btw..cant download my op ppt..been trying since last nite..bleagh..now gotta make breakfast for my dad b4 i go for physio..training todaaayy!!hopefully my rosak k-nee wun gif problems..take care people2.next fri mt a levels..thurs j2s first paper.YOU CAN DO IT!=)*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~and if i lived a thousand years you know i never could explain~
~the way i lost my heart to you,that day~
~but if destiny decided i should look the other way~
~then the world will never know,the greatest story ever told~
~and did i tell you i love you,tonight~

sumting from my arts appreciation programme,i love dis number by olivier james.=)

foxy mama,out.

2006-10-23T20:41:00.000+08:00

~like a rock you waited so patiently~

HACHOO!!!!*wipes nose*woa woa woa...sound effect abit...hahhaha..if ur smart,yes im sick..my nose is lyk disgustingly running lyk a hose..im starting to burn up n my throat feels lyka bus just ran over it..boooooooo germs...do u tink its da NoRo virus?habis.die.haha.todas entry quite long.but just read.i noe u'll enjoy it cuz i will speak of da raving idiot i can be.haha.

~whatever makes me happy sets you free~

kay...lets start wif erm last friday...got my MRI test bacck.GOOD NEWS CHEERMATES!!!!!!!i can go for training!!!!except no squating for me la..hahah..no nid to da shoulder sit lunges.KWANG KWANG KWANG!haha.was so happy can.felt lyk running around lyk a crazed cheerleader.hahha.if only i wasnt fasting.hahahha.den da doctor told me dat i must go for physiotherapy 3 times a week.dude,u tink i no life ah.sheesh.hahaha.

~if you love something let it go,if it comes back its yours~

after da appointment i tot can go for physio awhile..wait for 30 mins den dey tel me canot go cuz too many ppl.alamaaaaaaak..so i made my way to skool.reach skul den stuffs happening in skul so i wait for syafiq(eyecandy) den we walk to skul.i as merrily sharing wif him da details of my appointment(wif much animation if i do recall rite syafiq?)haha.den den den.he took me thru da shortcut way.oh n speaking of da short cut..i tried it on my own before n i got lost.haha.actuali not rili.i went thru da blks n ended up at da bustop.waste my time oni!hahah.den we bumped into nazreen.haha.LET US SPEAK OF ISLAM!haha.

~while i got it together~

den reach skul.as usual.we did nothing.hahah.or we were pretending REAAAAL hard to do sumtin.(bet da j2s reading dis r ready to punch my face)haha.den after skul.met syafiq,deely n khairul in da library.hard at work dose boys.hahah.read sum cheerleadin books.niiiccceee.hahah.den we made a move.simple plan wana buke.budden deely needed to go home teman his ibu.den syafiq back out.n khai.he wanted to indulge in his free asam pedas at home.haha.so adeel invited me to join dem in deir overnite study da next nite (saturday nite fever).=)

~the music of my heart~

so den saturday came.morning til afternoon my family n i went to get our raya stuffs.wasnt a big deal fro me dis yr.got one new real pretty kebaya.i like it.=)all da indian baju same2 oni.boriing.haha.oh!n i got chased by dis tamalek fella in mustafa centre.stupid ass.cheeky smile n make dat fone hand gesture.idiot.my maid so cute.she tot da guy wana steal my hp.hahah!so aniway.nite came.=)

~somebody when the going gets tough~

buke-ed,showered n to bukit panjang plaza i went.my papa send me.so sweet he.hahah.i got a nice welcum frm dem."welcome to da west side *does da W hand motion*"..hahha..study2 at da macs..i did my OP speech tingy.in between many jokes cracked.was lost in sum inside jokes but da boys were nice enuf to explain to me.hahha.funiii.den i bought dis keropok ting at 7/11.haha.khai action oni dowana eat.hahaha.n syafiq.hahhaa.tried,i repeat TRIED to pull of a magic trick.haha.not wif me syafiq.da keropok he hide in his jacket,i crushed it.MUAHAHAH!*evil larf*haha.kay sori about dat.tomoro raya.n just now u oready said u maaf.so yeah.haha.david blaine HABIS!=)

~you keep me hanging around~

den...our attention got diverted away frm academics wen khairul wanted his nasi(rice)..n babi goreng came to mind..haha..so we went to luk for his nasi cuz we feared he mite "kHairul".haha.saw sum indian mats.but frm far luk lyk original mats.den SUMBODY said "eh jalan dalam ah"(walk inside)hahhaha!den wen he realised its indians.not scare nimore.AHAHA.dat was a joke man.

~you never miss da water until its gone~

den da coffeeshop closed so we walked to da kopitiam i tink..der...oso closed..mats paradei tell u.we made an entrance n as fast as lightning we made our exit.haha.we den walked to da macs at fajar.along da way syafiq n i were merrily throwing honey stars into da air trying to catch it wif our mouths.i got skill oso can!haha.n der we sahur-ed.sumbody was abt to say im FAT.syafiq la.haha.but he quickly changed it to BIG EATER.k no la.i bedek.joke oni dat one.but just wana mess wif his head.fun.haha.

~once again,im thinking about taking the easy way out~

den i go toilet ah.fat wat.so i needed 2 cubicles.came back.n der.on my bread,deely made a smiley out of jam.so sweet rite.but NOOOOOO.being da moron dat i am i go PMS n try to scrap da face off.SUNDENLY.god almighty came into da picture.he made da bread drop on my WHITE pants.perfect.juuuust perfect.so i haf specs of jam on my pants.thank god it was in between my legs so canot see.haha.dolat(retribution).haha.wait,god din haf his fill.i bent over to wipe da jam.den my WHITE top got chilli-fied.SYAFIQ AH!larf den neva tel me.haha.tel me AFTER it happened.haha.

~am i suppose to leave you now?~

den syafiq started on his work wile da rest stoned.hahaha.he chose to b productive.haha.its all an act i tell u.haha.den we tok tok.den erm i did malay.haha.i chose to b productive.den da sun came out.haha.

~when you want it the most there's no easy way out~

den we made our way to da LRT!!!!!!!!my first time!!!!!adeel had to fa*t.FUNIII.gentleman.neva let go in da lift.but neva take picturess on da lrt!!so sad.sumbody wana act shy.SHEEEEEESSSSSH!haha.i like da LRT so fun so cool.haha.we went to SENJA.stupid names ah dese lrt stops.haha.syafiq wana go see bicycle.shop closed.so we went to da nearby shopping centre.wait der.for lyk forever.we slept for say 2 hrs.felt good tho.my dear adeel he dro*ls.haha.cute but funiii.oh well,human nature.haha.den newspaper reading time wif syaf-i-q.den khai woke up lukin shagged.poor boy.

~glamour and rock n roll~

shop stil closed.den i guess sunday dats y not open.bleagh.so we went our separate ways.sori about da bus ride incident deely.haha.damn tired.hahah.den all four of us slept til buke.hahaha.setan.hahaha.thank u deely for da invite,da funii jokes n da POPPING!haha.thank u khairul for da cuteness,gurlish lafter,da loong walk n da "kHairul"..wats da link?hahha.n thank u syafiq for my box of honey stars,da popping tak jadi,ur hilarious antics da smiles n for implying dat i am fat(k bedek)haha.will der b more overnites?*flashes a smile*i hope u had as much fun as i did.i had a BLAST!=)den fast forward to today.i had my first ever physiotherapy session.i like my doctor.nice indian woman.haha.n she had dis nice big,buff n mus-clelar fren.WOOHOOOHOOOOO!!=)

~i am still waiting here in the silence~

well..da daaaamn long entry ends here.SELAMAT HARI RAYA to my beautiful muslim homies.someone tot me dat hari raya isnt all abt collecting money n extravagant new clothings n wat not.ders so much more behind it n dat wud probably cum in syawal.special thanks to syafiq for making sahur possible for me n my family.dun kembang boy.haha.da A's r nearing.u can do it j2s.i noe u can.=)kip dose smile on always.heeeeeeee.*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~i wanna thank you for giving me time to breath~
~like a rock you waited so patiently~
~while i got it together~
~while i figured it out~
~i only looked but i never touched~
~cause in my heart was a picture of us~
~holding hands,making plans~

i like dis song.learning to appreciate oder forms of music.=)

foxy mama,out.

2006-10-19T22:23:00.000+08:00

~the smile on your face~

back to blog.sum fella kips bugging me to update uh.hahha.i hate the haze can.urgh.disgusting pls.gif me damn bad sore throat n cough.sheesh.now i sound lyk sum dying old man.dissssssgusting.oh wait..today is my darling kristel heather joseph's bdae.u see,i din get to b da first to wish her cuz our fren wished her 2 days earlier den me.damn it.soooo..i decided.dat i wud b da one hu wishes her da most instead.hahha.so every 1 hr interval..i send her a lovely bdae msg.heheeee.HAPPY 17Th DAE sweethart!!one more year n rebel we shall!!hahhahahaha..oh n yes..not forgetting today is oso my sweet janice's n her twin sister(cheryl's) bdae!!happy 18TH BDAE TWINS!LOVE U MANY MANY N U NOE IT!=)

~he comes from a foreign place~

made a new fren today..hes got SPUNKY hair..hahaha..lyk japanese boy abit..hahha..nice fella he..a bit of a bibik(indonesian maid) though.hahha.oh well..duty calls..hahhaha!hes name is afnan(aka nan) hes fyra's bestie.yup.nice meeting u.=)

~my bodys' saying lets go, but my heart is saying no~

eh i tel u.dis mrs oh can rili get on my nerves.i noe she rili cares abt da suad.but wen ur overprotective,u hinder da squads movements!f.y.i,WE R DYING TO HAF CHEER!!!!!!!!sheesh!we want to play!!!!!!!!wen cheerleaders say we want to play dat means we wana do stunts!i miss da seniors.maisarah,justin n all.i miss cheerleading.=(

~theres a song thats inside of my soul~

lately,i've been feeling rather i dono wats da werd.urgh maybe?or jhagsdtrfvsadcfgausyfsakjhgskajdfg?or i tink its more to jasgfuyatrsfgvqwfjgwqgfwsg......yeah...i dono...just go wif da flow......time,patience..lots of it..HELL LOTS OF IT!hahahah..

~save the last dance for me~

dis will be it for today..i cant tel u how much im missing daniel.too much to decipher.i miss you so dear daniel.skul is a bore.but stil must go.cant wait for party time.haha.hari raya is nearing.mood not rili der.dono y.havent even smell geylang can.happy but sad raya is soon to cum.project sahur ends.=(well then,til we meet again.farethewell my fair nitangales n dear knights.kip smiling now.hang in there my dearest j2's.*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart~
~Without saying a word,you can light up the dark~
~Try as I may I could never explain~
~What I hear when you don't say a thing~

when we started baby we were frens,but dats not how dis fairytale is gonna end.

foxy mama,out.

2006-10-15T15:26:00.000+08:00

-stunting!dats me,middle flyer shoulder sit-

-i like this formation.Beautifulness!-

-squad's year book photo-

-mai n i working ADASTRA's signature pose~

-mai n i buke-ing at kragg.kiss kiss.heehee!-

~There's nothing that he's worthy of~

hello all...feeling rather sad now...da j2's r gone..its sad how u haf forged such close bonds only to haf da ppl u forged dese bonds wif go away..for example,i just had sum bonding2 time wif hanafie say 4 days ago..now hes gone..n adeel,just oni we gettin comfy..boooo..yes its true dat we can always meet up..go out...n do stuff..but heck..skul wun b da same animore..no more bumping into da seniors.cracking jokes..getting bullied...hugs..we cant msg dem knowing deir in skul n dat u can meet up anitime..to maisarah especially,da one senior im most close to: we bonded over da funniest ting,ur classmate.haha.as time went by,i realised we had so much in common.cheerleading vice-cap.Gp rep.hahaha.thank u for bein der for me on fri.was reali emo.REALI REALI emo.but u were der.i promise i'll always always b der for u weneva u nid me.im just a bole chudiya away darling n u noe it.anitime anywhere.love ya many many.=)

~every now and then,you find a special friend~

me n mai lesbian kissing in da pic..hahaha..we were buke-ing wif david,khai,syafiq n adeel(deely)..heehee..was soo fun can. speaking of buke.had buke wif syafiq,david,deely,hanafie n nizam..heee!!made a new fren!!haha..we buke-ed den had sum forum perdana(islamic debate) for lyk 2 hrs plus.hahah..david n nizam ah..hahahha..bottomline david..JOIN ISLAM..hahha..k k.beta stop der,mite end my butt up in jail for dis.haha..

~to remain or stay in expectation of~

yesterday we had our IJC openhouse.so little ppl came can..hahha..but thank god for da cheerleaders.we made sum lil name badges tingys in as our souvenoirs..k dono how to spell..haha..but still..i tink it was a job well done..squad effort..we got to perform quite a no of times.ppl cum,watch us n all..heehee..we rebelled against mrs oh n did stunts!!!woohoo!!got to do my favourite stunt..da one-eighty.WOOHOO!!willy came..yay!den we buke-ed wif willy n lea(his gf) at banquet..NICCEEE..den went to da nearby pasar malam..stupid disgusting mat..yeah we noe we r cheerleaders..no nid to kol out to us..stupid shits.u noe..its hard..how ur always da one hu gets picked on..den wen u get a leadership role..n u haf to sumwat handle dose hu pick on u..n dey sumhow haaf da perception dat dey r stil in control.but still..i love dem no less.so here u r..kipin ur emotions n check cuz u dowana hurt oders..oh well,patience fadhillah.=)

~once again im thinking about taking the easy way out~

stop saying my CT is very lenient to me.he isnt.so stop saying dat pls.

skul is drawing to a close soon..first time ever dat i actuali enjoy skul..BUT oni cuz of my frens..dats all.da moment da werds tutorial or homework crops up....boooooo to da max..haha.got to go home wif my darling jojo(kristel) da oder day!!!HAPPPPPPPPYYY!!sumones bdae cummin ah....hahahhahaha....i miss danny=(

~but if i let you go~

oh yes,few days back.ijc vs spore sports skul...happening man...i got a no9 in spore sports skul..azi got no 3..or sum guy named ali..hahha..we actuali din noe ij boys name..we had to delegate names to each cheerleader.hahaha...eh gurls...we LOUD ah..hahhaha..good job everyone..still room for improvement..but stilll..good job!!!=)cuz of dat day,now my voice macam man.gross.=(den stuff hapened,ppl came..lets not go der..im a happy gurl...saw faizah!!!miss dat lil gurl..gotta meet up n hang out soon yeah babe!buke-ed wif azi n sum cheermates..damn damn fun..haha.."abang..one burger izian n pls..n burger ... n burger ramly pls"hahha!azi say my burger need to ask for extra beef..hahahhaha!*rolls on floor*

~theres an angel standing next to me,reaching for my heart~

sori ah long post...hahha..eh.say sori for wat..my blog my pasal ah!hahah..oh my god...ders dis crazy 26 yr old banker frm pakistan on my frenster hu sends msgs such as "tel me abt ur family.good dat ur in college.I WILL B WAITING FOR U"..3 werds.WAT DA HELL!disgusting pls.FREAK!hahahaha..n its disgusting how guys flirt on msn..urgh..n dey tink dey r bein sweet..sori boys..im immune to sweet talk.hahah..

malam lailatuqadar..wana go solat togede gurls?

~just a smile and theres no way back~

sahur has been good..hahahha..dono y but dis year lyk not feeling very hari raya-ish..lyk da mood not der ah...haiz..havent even get my fav deng deng..no time..penat..bleagh..wana simple plan wif my MI sisters to go buke-ing at geylang soon!!perhaps next week?hahha..random tot..i miss mathilda..hahha..well,shall end here for today..study hard j2s..will b waiting for u at da end of ur journey so dat we can go PARTAAY!haha.kip dose beautiful smiles on now..*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

goodbye my dear putera muhammad ADAM khasyhful haq..kakak loves u.

~you gave me wings and made me fly~

~you touched my hand i could touch the sky~

~i lost my faith you gave it back to me~

~you said no storm was out of reach~

~you stood by me and i stood tall~

~i had your love i had it all~

~im grateful for each day you gave me~

~baby i dont know that muhc but i know this much is true~

~i was blessed because i was loved by you~

*giggles n bounces off*

foxy mama,out.

2006-10-08T15:36:00.000+08:00

~Nobody knows,i hide it inside~

ITS OVEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahahahah..im freeeeee..no more promo's.haha!yes..i sooooo miss cheerleading can.god so many tings happened.i dono where to start.i shant destroy da happinessessess of it all by speakin of my promos.hahaha.

~i deserve a try honey,just once,give me a chance~

we're gona get nice ever so lovely cheerbags.weeee!credits to mai n po!!oh oh.last nite.k no.dis morning.2am.my siblings n i were daaamn bored.n i mean daaaamn bored.so i took one of dose masks u wear wen got haze.den we took pics acting as tho we were suffocating..hahahha!den i ask dem dress up n pose lyk ninja turtles.(depicted on da pic on top)hahaha!yes yes,im da mad joker at home.haha.i dono wat dey wud do without me.HAHA!k kidding.

~your afraid it all might end~

i wana do so many tings.gosh.shall start wif cheerleading.haha.gona shake our booty for da soccer match against spore sports skul DIS TUESDAY.i help vicky promote.hahah!WERK DAT FIELD BOYS!!hahaha.den dis saturday got da IJC open house.cum one n all.hahaha.yes.

~you walked in you were so quick to judge~

i made a fren recently.dis fren has unknowingly helped made get a hold of myself in situations in which i wud go bezerk.dis frens composure is astounding.how impervious dis fren is.amazing.dis frens will to work hard has inspired me to study hard myself n finish up dis course i have taken no matter wat.n sumhow,my frens persona has made me want to be a better person.its great dat u get a fren lyk dis.Gods gift to me.thank u fren for everyting.but most importantly my fren,u have tot me n sis till teaching me to be Patient.=)eh ppl,dun anyhow assume hu dis fren is ah.can b gurl can b boy.haha.both oso can.haha.i dowan tel u.dun anyhow tink "CONSPERM its so and so caaan.so obvious!!" merepek bodoh dat one.haha.

~they say if you love something let it go,if it comes back its yours and thats how you know its for keeps~

now dat im free free free..i wana go out out out wif my ever so lovely gf kristel.i wana see my darling victoria..hang out wif my MI gurlfrens..go back to KK..help my sec skul band..aaaahhh..so many tings i wana do..i WANA TO SEE DANIAL!mulut berbuluh man say so many times..heehee.btw,project sahur has been good except for sum boo boo's here n der.nonetheless,i owe you one.haha!thanks!=)

~when we started baby we were friends,but thats not how this fairytale is gonna end~

oh yes,random thought.i haf recently been wanting sumtin simple to wear around my neck.a nice simple neacklace wif a pendant.shall i scavenge for it?hmm,lets see.hahaha!im so in my backstreetboys come britney mode.hahaha!oldies weee!hahaha.well,this is it for now.take care of urselves.everyones falling sick.jaz,didi,adam,eyecandy,victor..bleagh..stupid haze!hahaha.btw,go catch army daze.FUNI LYK CRAP CAN!haha.kip dose beautiful smiles on now.*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

*holding on to yesterday for far,far too long.*

today i gif u 3 songs k.i like.haha.my blog so my pasal ah!woa woa woa.fierce.hahaha.

to kristel n our alien:

~you'll never know what you've done for me~
~what your faith in me has done for my soul~
~you'll never know the gift you've given me~
~i carry it with me~
~through the days ahead i think of the days before~
~you made me hope for something better,search for something more~

~he'll eat you up from inside and then he doesnt wana know~
~listen i mean it,there's nothing that he's worthy of~
~he's just another player,playing in the name of love~
~i've seen enough now this must come to an end~
~get another boyfriend~

better yet,stay single.heehee..=)

~just hang around and you'll see there's nowhere i'd rather be~
~sometimes i run,sometimes i hide~
~sometimes im scared of you~
~but all i really want is to hold you tight,treat you right~
~be with you day and night~
~baby all I need is time~

nice song riiittteee.i like caaan.hahaha!

*it's such a shame we're worlds apart.
once again,im thinking about,taking the easy way out..*

foxy mama,out.

2006-09-26T00:19:00.001+08:00

im back...forgot to do dis for mathilda..hahaha.here goes.

7 random tings about myself:

1. i take one hour long baths cumming out of da loo lukin lyk a dried prune.
2.i tend to stone in da toilet wen i bath in da morning.
3.i haf not combed my hair in 3 years.
4.i have an imaginary friend,Yogi.
5. i haf a habit of giving objects a gender n name.(i sumhow enjoy dis mind u)
6.im da joker at home.
7.i've been told my farahdhillahs are BIG.(dun ask.haha.)

7 things dat scare me:
1.motorcycles.
2.cats
3.THE DARK
4.myself
5.relationships
6.momok
7.God

7 random songs at da moment:
1.there you'll be-faith hill
2.doing that thing you do-the wonders
3.stop-spice girls
4.the call-backstreet boys
5.aint no other man-christina aguilera
6.i dream-taufik batisah
7only one-yellow card

7 things i like most:
1.seeing people happy n smiling
2.CHILDREN
3.everyone of my SAC gurlfrens
4.going to innova n just havin fun
5.being able to find time to b wif my family
6.music making
7.cheerleading n dancing!!

7 people to do dis:
1.maisarah
2.minah rep
3.yanni laser
4.deebmon
5.shellyrah
6.janice sweets
7.iman

haf fun darlings!!!=)

2006-09-25T17:36:00.000+08:00

~whip my body so melodic~

ITS SOOOOO NEAR DA PROMO'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!maatiii maatii..tentu mati.haha!nevamind must mug mug mug!NO LIFE CAN!hahaha.im in da libraria now.haha.my new pc is bein g a moron can.i miss my lappy.away on holiday in japan!urgh...patience fadh patience.

~give me joy in my heart~

so aniway..nutin great happened.oh wait.i had a lovely birthday.went to skul wif my kristel!!!!HEEEE!!!had a bad start after dat.kristel was late btw.den wana take cab den tak menjadi cuz da bus came.haha!*bangs head on wall*raech skul late.den rush rush.had to walk a BIG round to da tennis court gate.reach skul n sum pamplo neva see in my life teacher cum catch me for my skirt n blatantly assumes i got caught da day b4.i din mind u.u see da skirt runs up.oh oh.den dis male a bit of hair teacher cum say i must buy a bigger skirt.HELLO!buy a bigger skirt n its loose.buy a smaller one n it either grabs ur butt or runs up ur freakin butt!SHEESH!pisang.study buddy 2 got me an IPOD NANO!!!0643A got me a disney princess bag n pencil case(WIF STATIONARY N CRAYONS) n an aladdin themed snow globe,emo buddy(yi bin) got me assorted perfumes frm body shop,study buddy(sylvia)got me a mug n pencil case,n VICKY,KUMAR,HAASHIR N SYAHIR took kristel n i for FREE lunch at pizzahut n dessert at swensens.I LOVE U ALL BIG BIG!THANK U FOR ALL DA GIFTS N WISHES N HUGS.i love dem all.=)

~let me lose my breath~

i miss him.but i detest who he has becum.feelingless.

~i don't know who you are~

im so scared of liking guys.soo sooo sooo scared of getting hurt.so da right ting to do,my plan,is to TAKE TINGS DAMN FREAKIN SLOW.im just...too scared.oh well.random thought: how do u noe wen its da truth or just an excuse?

~you said we wouldnt make it so far~

I HAF NOT SEEN DANIAL IN 173568347254237595683523643854845632673849034 DAYS!!!!!!!!!!I MISS U SO.DONO HOW MANY TIMES I HAF TO SAY DIS B4 I GET TO SEE U.well..vicky is complaining lyk a gurl now.want to go home.darn kunyang.

juz went for hospital appointment for my knee.one word to da appointment.chikadink.
btw,happy celebrating ramadhan all my lovely muslim darlings.ramadhan is GOOOOOOOD.project sahur yeah?*winks*=)

kip dose beautiful smiles on.*hugs big big,loves many mnay,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~don't think that im not strong~
~im the one to take you on~
~dont underestimate me boy,i'll make you sorry you were born~
~you dont know me,the way you really should~
~you sure misunderstood~
~so dont call me baby~

love does not happen if u just sit there, love is made.

foxy mama,out.

2006-09-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

~just a smile and the rain is gone~

holy madness..the exams r nearing.gosh. i can safely say i wasnt dis scared during the summer tests. relax oni.now.my goodness.somewhat done for econs. id un lyk forward to memorising da big disgusting chunks of history.lit will b unpredictable and maths. maths is no more hanyut,tenggelam is the word for it.haha.gosh,the year went by so quickly.n i can hardly believe i actually made it without Kristel.thank u to all innovians who made this journey just plain lovely for me tho i am defintiely discomforted without Kristel's presence.n yes,you are still inspiring me to study for my promo's n not just sit n wait to fail so can merrily go to poly.

~just another player~

n yes,at da beginning of this year,i wud haf die2 taken up any oppurtunity dat i got to go to poly.but now,i tink if i get retained(hopefully not),i wana stay at innova.i wana do dis for my parents.the many innovians i haf cum to noe haf all suprisingly grown on me. Janice,Amirah,Evelyn,YiBin,Deeben,Fifa,Iman,Hakim,Maisarah,the cheerleaders,The dancers n so many more. BUT,kristel wud b da one factor if id o go to poly.yeah.big decision cummin my way.

~every now and then,you find a special friend~

i miss u so.i try to make myself invisible to u.this is wat u want.me gone.just noe that i miss u.more then u can ever imagine.

~reaches out each time we fall~

starting a new book wif sayeem.n im glad.hope he is too.tho we may haf our differences,i still miss da fun we used to haf.n ppl hu try to destry me.three words to u, Get a life.oh n pls,n to YOU,dis is MY blog.so i am permitted to pen down my feelings n tots.so if u dun lyk.solution: DONT READ.

oh my god,last nite,dis fella from HWA CHONG wana act cool.can walk to his bus line ting he dowan.he wana jump over da bars.SHEESH!den da strap from his bag broke.BIG JOKE BODOH!hahaha!*rolls on floor*n i tot HWA CHONG was da skul for da elite.elite HABES!haha!

~what a girl wants,what a girl needs~

IM STILL MISSING DANIAL.so much.so so so so so so so so much.hope i can see him next thurs.evenif its for 15 mins.n KRISTEL,haiz.i rindu u big big caan.n i miss tokin to mat.haiz,but,sadly,no time.must haf no life for da next few weeks.mug mug mug.loser.haha!oh well.oh n yes,to my cheer senior,maisarah.im always here for u.stress or sad.cum find me.i'll be da clown dat i am n try to put dat beautiful smile back on ur face.I MISS CHEERLEADING!urgh.oh n thnx yibin for ur advice.my emo buddy.*plays violin*oh well.take care ppl.kip smiling.*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

he comes from a foreign place,an island far away.
intrigues me with every move til im helpless,i'm breathless cant keep my cool.
steals my heart when he takes my hand and we dance to the rythm of the band.
feel his fingertips grip myhips as i slip as we dip into a state of bliss.

my alien fren,we take it slow. =)

foxy mama,out.

2006-09-07T23:07:00.000+08:00

~you and me we have an oppurtunity~

7th.......our 4 year 2 months.could be.but God had other plans for u.nonetheless, i will make it through. i know that wud be wat u want. though sum day i wud gif my heart to anoder, u'll forever be a part of it.

HELLO TO ALL U CANTIK PPL!!heehee.k sori..i feel high.my blog so my pasal uh! k lemme update update. wait.cant remember wat happened da pass few days. *bangs head on wall* i'll just regugitate wateva dat pops in my head yah. here goes. oh yes, today went to return books n staudy at woodlands lib. ALONE. den bump into hafiz n ain. HOORAY for dem!! den BANQUET(i liikkkeee) den home.

~one last cry,before i leave it all behind~

oh!oh!oh!da oder day, went studying at bedek res macs wif eyecandy. den..hahahha..den..hahahhaha!HAAAAAAAAHAHAHHA!his temasek fren,hikam, played a prank on him. he took his wallet n hid it. poor eyecandy tot he lost it, ran back to da inter all da way up da bus. lyk a poor child he searched for his wallet. n der we were,larfing our butts off. hahaha!but i felt daaamn bad wen he squat n unpack his stuff uh.*sori*oh,but he added on to da joke. hahahahh!i asked him.hahah!how syafiq? hahah!cuz.hahahahha! we were hahaha!gona go 4 dinner u see.n he said wid dat big smile "i watch u eat ah" WAAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHA!!!*rolls on floor* now dats wat u get wen u disturb me.haha!nonetheless,he redeemed himself wen he waited for very long mind u for my bus.n it was getting late.(fadhillah,u gotta b less stubborn.)*thank u ever so much for helping me wif my econs.great help!n THANK U for teman-ing me til my bus came.much appreciated*

~take my hand~

holidays ending EXAMS CUMMING!aaaah!matiii matiii...tentu matii..k nvm..doa plenty plenty.i miss him.yes you.da one wif da hockey stick,brown eyes n wavy hair.da one wif da drumsticks.if u stil dono it is u im tokin abt,dose of u hu noe,pls,smack him REAL hard.

~this is what we dream about~

kristel needs to see dat her relationship is not goin forward.its in a cycle.seeing ppl i love,such as her go thru such tings makes me wana take it even slower wif any guy dat cud possibly be the next dude i date.yeah.he wud be sumone hu cud b a potential husband.must take it sloooow.no more break ups.break ups are stupid.agreed ppl? oh yes,CONGRATULATIONS to deeben son of erm...deeben son of gopalakrishna.sori dono ur surname.haha!u noe,ders a certain sumone hu has moved me to wana stay on in dis skul.i shant say hu dis person is.go ahead n assume,but u may very much be rong.he/she i dono la,sumhow is pushing me without even realising it.n i thank u for cummin into my life=)it is never too late.so yes.=)go ahead.make a guess.

~when i heard you say goodbye~

heres to my niceness syahir.hes a DAMN good guitarist.SUPERB!no im not suckin up.seriusly..its lyk he owns 18 fingers or sumtin..supppppper fast..n yeah....ders nutin more i can say..u gotta go see n hear him for urself.u get da oppurtunity,count it as a blessing.hes a GREAT guitarist=)

~stronger than i've ever been now~

DANIAL!R U READING DIS??I MISS U DEAR DANNYYYYYY!!!!!!shall end here today,penat.gona go study now.kip smiling ppl.TAG LA DEI!heee.toodles!*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~i guessed i've learnt,to quiestion is to grow~
~that you still have faith,is all i need to know~
~i've learnt to love,my selfish part of me~
~and i've learnt to walk,the road that i believe~

foxy mama,out.

2006-09-01T21:42:00.000+08:00

~recognise that i could be the one~

hello hello there ever so beautiful people!*flashes a smile* dono wats up wif me,but im lyk listening to sum techno..must be da killer headache i've got.yes,im sick.i sound lyk a man wif my sore throat.my nose lyk one funfair.so runny.bleagh.u shall be discreet wif regards to its contents.haha!boo too viruses.first n foremost, I WANA SAY A BIG THANK U TO DA 43A HOTTIES FOR A GREAT STOMP! PERFORMANCE FOR TEACHER'S DAY!WONDERFUL JOB GUYS!WE ROCKED INNOVA'S BOAT CAN!WOO!!love u ppl=)

~to where you are~

we did dis STOMP! ting for teacher's day.da boys were lukin daaamn HOT n da gurls luk freakin stylo sexy pls.SEK KEBABOM!haha!apologies u guys if i sorta snapped here n der.i hope u understand dat i dun mean to n i just feel so horrible for doing so. anihoo's, i wud lyk to wish syafiq (eyecandy) a belated HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!hope u honestly like ur gift n yeah..its to ur preference of "mat rep" wallets.n kip da 10 bucks.its YOURS.dun even tink of givin it back to me as a bdae gift. dun see it as cash,its lunch in da form of cash. due to circumstances ie,endless teasing we cant get da proper lunch.haha!understanding understooded yeah.dun feel uncomfy.its no biggy=)

~your apologies can never sooth this sting~

moving on. spoke to him dat time. im gona block out all of da negatives. all of it. just. whatever. just a BIG reminder to all of u out der hu's out to bring me down for god noes wat reason.DO NOT,lemme make dis clear DO NOT bring in yan. he has done NOTHING rong to any one of u. so BACK OFF!n ur reason being u were bored?oh go screw a stingray.

your 2 year 8 month death anniversary is soon to come. you still fill my thoughts wen im lonely. your still the first ting on my mind wen i wake up in da morning n da last ting b4 i sleep. though time has passed, i still love u. nontheless, i haf no expectations out of da next guy that cums my way. so that way,everyting he does,makes me smile. yes,i am slowly moving on. rest in peace.

~and you are watching me from up above~

exams r nearing..n i nid to mug. so loser can. but nevamind.im doin dis for them. lately, sumone said dis to me. n its stil ringing in my head. he asked wat do i get frm helping ppl all da time or sumtin lyk dat. i answered. n he said "then who'll help you..?". stil tinkin abt it.

~do not be afraid to take this chance~

well, dis is about all for now. im seriusly missing my DANIAL!thank u for sticking by me.stay hot as ever. kristel i love. mat love i miss u. SAC soulsista's ur always remebered cuz i soo totali miss u ppl. oh wait,b4 i forget,went to da sports clinic.i damage my cartillage n wateva tissue stuffs at my knee.*bangs head on wall* now 3 months he dun lemme dane or cheer. in oder words. im goin to die.haha!well den.take care yea. keep dose beautiful smiles on=)

if u cud hear me,know this.

in my dreams i'll always see you soar above the sky
in my heart there'll always be a place for you,for all my life
i'll keep a part of you with me
and everywhere i am,
There you'll be

foxy mama,out.

2006-08-23T16:28:00.000+08:00

~i'll make a wish for you~

hello blog people! here once again. lemme start off wif dis quiz tingy mathilda got me to do. thnx love! =) here goes.

1.Full name: Wan Nur Fadhillah bte Wan Othman
2.Name backwards:namhto naw etb hallihdaf run naw(my German name)=)
3.where you named after sumone: No
4.Meaning of name:i think aaaaah.it means....the FOXY one.=)
5.Nickname;faddie,fadh,FOXY MAMA,fairy princess,becok,air.
6.Screename:!!CHEERDANCER!!/!!FOXY MAMA!!
7.D.O.B:21ST SEPT 1989
8.Place of birth:KK hospital
9.Nationality: Sporean(Indian..heeeeeeee!)
10.Current location: Innova jc library
11. Star sign: Virgo
12. Religion: Islam
13. Height: 160cm
14. Weight: psssssst........secret........(48kg)....i hippo.
15. Shoe size: 7
16. Hair colour: blackish-dark mahogany brown(I WENT FOR A HAIR TEST PPL)
17. Eye colour: dark mahogany brown.
18. Who do you look like: Johnny,Orlando,Tom,Bradd,OWEN,n da list goes on.=)
19. Innie or outtie: outtie
20. Leftie or rightie: rightie
21. Gay, straight, bi or others: all of da above
22. Best friends: KRISTEL, DANIAL, IMAN
23. Best friend you trust most: KRISTEL HEATHER JOSEPH
24. Favourite pals: my SAC darlings(u noe hu u r),my national class,da cheerleaders=)
25. Best friend of opposite sex: DAN-IMAN
26. Best buddies: buddies n frens r da same stupid.
27. Boyfriend or girlfriend: none
28. Crush: no crush,eyecandy haaaave,lurb oso haf=)
29. Parents: Sofiah Bte Abdul Hamid n Wan Othman
30. Worst enemy: da boogey man
31. Favourite online guy: i love all of u
32. Favourite online girl: i love all of u too
33. Craziest friend: da 4.5ers (SAC)
34. Advice friend: KRISTEL,danial
35. Loudest friend: NURFAHRIYANNI
36. Person you cry with: my imaginary fren,YOGI(teehee)
37. Any sisters: farhani
38. Any brothers: farhan
39. Any pets: farhani n farhan..(goat n whale)
40. Any disease: my lungs pancet
41. Pagers: none
42. Personal phone line: none
43. Cell phone: haf laaaaa.
44. Lava lamp: ah okay.
45. Pool or hot tub: POOL
46. A car: FASHIONABLE RED FERRARI
47. Your personality: u tell me
48. Driving: yes. hot wheels.
49. Room: PURPLE N YELLOW.(my daddy like.i live in his house.so yeah)
50. Whatâ€™s missing: my drumset.
51. School: INNOVA JC =)
52. Bed colour: navy blue (air bed!!)
53. Relationship with parents: obide to dem n everyting wil b just fine.=)
54. Believe in yourself: YES YES YES
55. Believe in love at first sight: No. merepek.
56. Good listener: yup
57. Get along well with parents: oso can.
58. Save email conversations: for?
59. Pray: YES. i love GOD!=)
60. Believe in reincarnation: nope(my bro acception,hes gona turn into a pig after he dies)
61. Make fun of people: i think its da oder way around
62. Like to talk on the phone: Yup yup
63. Want to get married: yup yup. babieeeees!!
64. Like to drive: yes yes
65. Motion sickness: nope
66. Eat stem of broccoli: it taste funky (in a bad way)
67. Eat chicken with fork: yes. but im more old skool. hands lagi best.
68. Dream in colour: wait i check
69. Type with your fingers on home role: i tink so ah
70. Sleep with stuff animals: dey sleep wif me.
71. Next to you: YOGI n kumar.
72. On the walls of your room: a verse from da Quran
73. On your mousepad: i dun haf one
74. Dream car: RED FERRARI
75. Dream date: shahrukh khan n sexy amitabh bachan
76. Dream honeymoon spot: aniwhere my husband wans=)
77. Dream husband or wife: da one i marry
78. Bedtime: god noes
79. Under your bed: monsters
80. Single most important question: wats ure number
81. Bad time of a day: da moment da teacher starts tokin
82. Your worst fear: being alone
83. The weather is: cold in sunshine singapore
84. Time: 5pm
85. Date: 23
86. Best trick did on someone: so mannnyyyyy
87. Theme song: YEAH -usher, destiny's child songs, there you'll be-faith hill
88. Hardest thing about growing up: losing the one you love n havin to cope wif it
89. Funniest experience: mat rep fell down a stairs of da double decker bus wile trying to act hensem.(in your face,buttwipe)
90. Scariest experience: god noes.
91. Silliest thing you have ever said: too many *buries head in shithole*
92. Most desperate and funniest thing i have done to get the opposite sex: im not desperate.
93. Scariest thing while you are with your friends: many many
94. Worst feeling: boys.
95. Best feeling in the world: Men and GURLFRENS
96. AND NOW THE SABOTAGING BEGINS!!! CHOOSE EIGHT TO DO THE QUIZ!!! - laser,horsehair,minah rep,my hero,janice,sharon dont touch me,vicky,YOGI.(heehee)=)

~reach for the sky~

so aniwaaay...im now at innova library wif sexy colourless amin n CUTE n HENSEM SYAHIIIR! everytings been gooood. I just met a NEWWWWW fren whos real good in drummin!!hes known as da best drummer in IJC.WOO!haha!updates on teh pass few days. first n formost, I MET KRISTEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! finally!!!after 238764987347652387036594739 days!!!!!!hahaha!she looks as beautiful as ever. met up, watched CLICK!!!! oh god, we cried lyk as though our dog died during one of da parts during da movie!!we soooi had such a great great great time maaaan..except for da crying bit. haha!*buries head in shithole* den we went gift hunting. weeeee!fyi, i din noe its so god damn freakin hard to get a suitable gift for A DUDE so as to not send da wring msg. AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! oh well,shall find a way. heeeeee!*flashes a smile*=)den after dat her momma SUNDENLY ask her to go home. minus 1847456457845893489378978 points frm kristels mum! i flower. *flowers* cant wait til our next date love.. n i DIE DIE MUST see u on my bdae! *hugs til kristel turns blue* i love u n u noe it.=)

~it's all coming back to me now~

moving on, my national class(43A) had a day full of old skul songs such as stuffs frm bsb,nsync,a1,mandy moore,toybox.hahaha!calcutta i am a taxi drivering.....quit playing games wif my hart..tarzan is hensem tarzan is strong..im a barbie gurl in a barbie werld.....hahahahahah!!FUUUUN!we were all lyk damn high caaan!hahahahah!to add on to dat,da next day janice showed us sum crazy video on youtube..sum american boys made sum video on da Pokemon theme song. HILARIOUS SHITS!hahahhaahhah!still larf lyk a fool everytime i tink abt it!heeeee!hahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!u teach me n i teach u.POOOOKEEEMOOOON!!gotta catch em all!!!i lurv u ppl many many many many!!=)

~it's all coming back to me now~

random tot..........there were nites wen da wind was so cold.....*brr brr*.....hahah!so anihoo's..yes..i haf to blog bout dis..i was sooooo shocked man...hahhaha..yesterday,23 aug 2006..a certain SOMEONE gave me a short fone kol...never tot i wud ever see his no flashed on my fone as an incoming kol.hahah!cuz u see...(here da BIG hint) hes DAAAAAAAAAMN shy!hahahah!good job fren=) (yes it is u im tokin about)hahahha! well,i shall be goin now. basically,everytings just fine. takin up sum good advice to see evry ting bad dat befalls me as "shit happens".except for da fact dat im missing DANIAL!!!!its been 3749406364957487390302734784948 DAAAAAAAAYYYYSSS!!!!til then,take care yeah.kip smiling now!*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*

I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true,
if life will just be kind,to such a gentle mind,
and if you lose your way
think back on yesturday
remember me this way

I banished every memory you and I had ever made

foxy mama,out.

2006-08-14T20:03:00.000+08:00

~give me joy in my heart keep me sharing~

helloooooo....back back back.i can sense u ppl missing me.so i just HAD to blog.ahah!k,enuf of self-indulgence. everyting has been good so far. sort of. haha! but first, i haf da sudden need to kick a certain sumone in my family right smack in da head for god noes wat he did resuting in all my documents being deleted. fuckernabe u. now,i haf to be a no life poopbag n redo ALL my hardwerk(methodoly,lit essay,karagan n MANY MORE)not dat i dun haf enuf werk already.

~if you dont know me by now,you will never never never know me~

next,last thursday,i had a farewell party for da senior cheerleaders.so gona miss dem.got fried in da sun!but shall untan myself since im off pe for sum time due to my worn out left kneen right ligament n sprained back.(thnx to dose hu cared=))we gave dem pretty g-strings as gdbye gifts n guess wat.dey gave us pretty cheer panties!!haha!it was sad thouhg,cuz i came to noe my dear wilson is leaving.dun u agree shelly?im missing him already.he bought me a pretty blue headband wich i wi b wearing soon!thanks sweethart=) den dat nite,i was suppose to go fetch my niece hu cudnt make it in da end. BUT, eyecandy invited me to dinner wif his frens(hu later on left us both). he surprised me by not shying away. good for him. entertaining fella he. haha! has any one of u had a guy ASK u for PERMISSION to leave to go get sumtin? *"MAY I go n buy bread for my mum awhile?MAY I pls?"* I DID!I DID!haha!gentleman kebabom! had a pleasant time. guess he shys away in skul cuz lotsa ppl noe n tease us. same goes for me. hee!=)

~now i know i can shine the light to find my way back home~

nontheless,shall take tings ultra super slow. i m just too scared to open my heart up again due to sum unforseen circumstances. speaking of which. i m just too busy, too happy n too tired to haf to entertain shits lyk dis. go believe wat u wana believe. i dun gif two fucks animore. u TINK u noe stuffs,but u noe shits. dun u agree wif me dear vicky n one more guy whom i shall not name cuz i dowan dem to go attack him?its ok, as long as da super important ppl hu NOE ME WELL ENOUGH noes,im fine. so here i am,numb to u. so be happy now. im gone.
*stop telling ppl hu noe me dat u wana tok to me. u tink u noe everyting wen u dun. u tink ur so big. pls,u dono how silly n WEAK u luk wen all u can do is shoot crude remarks,endless threats,overused vulgarities n lame insults. im sick of tolerating dis bullshit. until u haf sumtin more den dat to say, den wil i consider. cuz rite now, i rili dun haf time for dis. dun do to oders wat u dowan done to u. dun demand respect,earn it. wen ppl do shit to u,instead of gettin mad,go reflect. u wil realise dat u did da same shit to sum1 else b4. it is kolled "retribution".if u tink im afraid of u. tink again."*

~all the things that we've been through,you should understand me ike i understand u~

moving on wif life. i had a cheerleading workshop wif MAGNUM FORCE recently. da boys der r not oni SUPER STRONG. dey r oso super gentlemanly. WE LIKE.heehee. i loved flying wif dem.=)oh yes. horsehair n i aspire to to be TUMBLERS. WE WILL FULFIL DAT DREAM! right horsehair? i like flying,but tumbling. is a dream.

~memories killed~

im missing my kristel n danial so bad. just so so so so bad, i cant describe dis sumwat emptiness. haiz. im so sori for neglecting my sunshine boys. ever so concerned syahir. haiz. i miss u all so. dis shall b it den. n im missing my hero's company,more den wat i show and anione noes.oh yes. lemme state how bloody stupid sum guys can b. dey FLIRT wif one of ur closest frens. HOW BODOH CAN DEY GET?!to actuali tink we wun find out. please. plain pathetic. oh well, dats da ife dey choose to lead,so be it.kip smiling all.*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~at first i was afraid i was petrified~

~kept thinking i could never live without you by my side~

~but then i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong~

~and i grew strong,and i learnt how to carry on~

give me oil in my lamp keep me burning.

to smile til its time.staying hopeful.

foxy mama,out.

2006-08-09T23:54:00.000+08:00

~just as soon as i belong,then it's time i disappear~

HIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE one n all!!back after my loooooong vacation to busy busy land..now i noe u miss me..so let us move on wif life yeah..heehee!so much has happened..potpourri went GREAT!we were splendid..so proud of da gurls!!all da hard werk..guuud!*thank u iman,hadi n faz for cummin.u never fail not to dosappoint me.hee!n da chocs r FANTABULOUS!thank u once again.*n if anione has a problem wif me mentioning faz in my blog,as wat laser wud say,"go fuck a stingray"*

~sunshine and rainbows~

i just had nationa performance for skul.WOO!exhilirating i tel u!3 items in one show!pancet!!da last one was cheerleading which i sorta partially screwed up da last stunt..my knee sorta gave way..den was tryin to kip my blance..i basically luked lyk a fool up der..haiyo!sori if i disappointed anione..my knees were in too much pain...scared ear yanni n evelyn..haha!dey tot i was gona fall!hahha!haf no fear..fadhillahh=strong..rite...yes..i shall thank my squad for doin good!azi...superb cheer face..n yes...horsehair(shellyrah) n nisa..POWER BASES!!=)

~eyes that captured my heart~

i got sooo much werk now i tel u..can die..but it helps wen tings around me r doin way way WAY beta..he's back btw..i miss him so..but tank u God for bringing him back to me..i dun tink i cud live tokin to my hp wallpaper...hahha..im such a mental case.heehee..me n her..we r also doin good..i love her more den ever now..(u noe its u love)=)

~my whole heart,please don't throw that away~

met da MI ppl yest..we watched da firewerks display..sooo many ppl i tel u!we were lyk packed sardines..gosh...
here cums a random tot..now i can safely say God doesnt want him to exist in my life animore..not even in da form of anoder person..goodbye forever now..noe dat i loved,i stil do n always will.

~sing to me the song of the stars~

its sad how wen u tink a bunch of ppl noe u..but actuali dey dun..k k...anoder random tot...hahha...oh well...heehee..my blog so my pasal..oh yes,i nid my frens to pls take care of demselves..PLS..horsehair sick...azli sick...danny sick..eyecandy sick....minah rep sick.....I DUN LIKE!!!aaaaaaahhhh!oh n btw,eyecandy has been guuud..haha,,nice bugga he.crapping is sumtin we both enjoy doing...so clicking well..yay!RAINBOWS ROCK!sunshine oso rawk rite janice?k laa..nicky rawks bigger la k.=)

~sing a song of hope~

im missins sum VERY IMPORTANT ppl in my life..no 1...KRISTEL!babe!!we sooooo gotta meet!!no 2..DANIAL LOVE!!!!aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!we nid to nid to nid to hang out!!my SAC darlings...my juniors...gosh...sori if i haf been neglecting u gurls..i will make it up to u..promise.da sunshine boys!!sori haf nit been able to hang out.i soo miss u guys..more den u noe.n yes..my NS gang in MI!!gurls!we gotta meet up soon n go havocing again!!n im missing my darling nieces n nephews..n yes gurl,im missing u too LOVE(u noe hu u r)karma strikes back=)
well,dis is it for now..mite b awhile til my next post..i'll try blogging more k..taking care now all of ufair nitangles n sek kebabom knights..study hard,dun take drugs ya.weehee!!kip smiling always*hugs big big,love many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~there's a song that's inside of my soul~
~it's the one that i've tried to write over and over again~
~im awake in the infinte cold~
~but you sing to me over and over again~
~so i lay my head back down~

*giggles n bounces off*

foxy mama,out.

2006-07-25T21:03:00.000+08:00

~nobody warned me about your smile~

hei hei hei one n all beautiful blog people!!!heehee!well,i had a pretty much tiresome week.skool and all.yes,i stil look forward to morning assembly.my new motivating factor to cum to skool.haha!in da process of getting to noe da bugga beta.nice fella.heehee.but stil status remains as eye candy.SINK IT IN PEOPLE!haha.it takes time.=)

~your alive when i close my eyes~

been damn hyper..damn CRAZY HIGHper lately..dats good...i prefer being highper..haha..oh oh oh..during pe yesterday..we played hockey..i scored!!hooray for me!!but it was soo funi how i was soo engrossed n wud stick da stick in between anyones egs just to get to da ball..haha..after dat..i pancet..heart pain,irregular heartbeat*wont u just take me away from all dis pain so i wun haf to lead a life wif so much sadness*..

~your alive when i close my eyes~

do u noe wat it feels lyk to haf ur very own bestfren treat u lyk u haf no meaning in his/her life?haf u ever haf dat fear of even goin near ur bestfren cuz u feel dat ur mere presence disgust him/her?u understand wat he/she has to go thru,but y go back on ones werds?imagine if u hold on to da werds "i will make sure u are always smiling" n all u cud eva do now is to try not to cry wen u see deir face.

go ahead.go to her.dun get me rong,im far from jealous.im pissed.im hurt.im angry.im disappointed.i love her,she means a lot to me.so i dun mind.if dats wat u wan,go.leave me.forget me for i am a nobody to u.u needed to see tears flow out of my eyes uncontrollably b4 u changed A BIT.maybe u nid me to die den u realise uh.u make me hate cummin to skul,u make me hate goin to klass.is this wat u want?you pushed me to this state.to you i am a stranger.thank u for killing me.u noe how sick i am,yet...nevermind.if i were to die,i dont want you there.(u pushed me to this state.think of ursef n ur own hart.wat abt my feelings?my heart?oh wait,it has no worth no meaning to u)

~its sad,so sad,its a sad sad situation and its getting more and more absurd~

i haf lost the very perosn i am in jc for.i haf lost him.now more then ever,i need him.no one else but him.i haf soo many ppl hu r here for me.but all i nid is him.but he chooses to do dis.if i were to die.dun bother cumming.

~how crude and selfish this world has become~

there i let it all out.den now cuteness oso anoder one.people pls..dun speak shits about ppl hu haf lotsa meaning in my life.its da dumbest ting u can do.its a death wish.oh well,i wana go hit da books now.looking forward to tomoro.to see eyecandy.weehee!oh well,da 8 am bell awaits me.oh my god im such a joker.hahah!at least he perks up my day.so yeah.shut up.i don wana hear it.dun rob me of dis lil happiness i salvage.til then,take care all.i love u many many.hugs big big.sunshine plenty plenty.kip dose beautiful smiles on now!=)

~you taught me to run~
~you taught me to fly~
~help me to free the me inside~
~help me hear the music of my heart~
~you opened my eyes~
~you opened the door to something i've never known before~
~and your love is the music of my Heart~

he knows.

i fear.

foxy mama,out.

2006-07-16T13:27:00.000+08:00

~save the last dance for me~

YOOHOOO!!people!people!im baaacccck.heehee.did u miss me?i noe u did.dun b in denial yeah.haha.oh im crapping again.heehee.everyting has been goin at such a hectic pace now.soo soo cepat i tell u.i dono how im keeping up.but all of it is starting to get to me.sori to all of u if eva i snap at u.i sincerely am sori.i hope all of u wud bare wif this trying time for me.

~until the end of time,your all i need my love,my valentine~

ders soo much dat has happened recently.been so long since i blogged so i kinda forgot most of it.well,i shall just note dose dat recently happened.wait,lemme start wif da sad shits den end wif hapi stuffs yeah.beautiful.here goes.

~inevitably,you'll be back again~

public apology to all teachers n fellow innovians.never in my life haf i ever been irresponsible,not handing in werk n wat not.now,i seem to reciprocate my werk.my responsibilities thrown aside.right now,i shall try to explain myself.n i do hope u understand.at dis point of my life,i can safely say,tings r just falling apart.ders so much a gurl can take.my father.he mite be going for a sleep he will not wake up from soon.we all dont know wen.skul is goin at such a hectic pace.all dis performances pop outta nowhere one after anoder.n sum of dem is not by choice at all.i dun even haf time for myself.n im so tired i can forget to eat.i barely haf time to sleep.need to study n wat not.

~i watch you die i hear you cry every night in your sleep~

all these haf an adverse effect on my health.me fainting during cheer prac yesterday was just a mere sign.im tired everyone n all i ask is for ur understanding.u may say dis isnt an excuse.i dun blame u.but is compassion too much to ask for?my father,my only priority rite now.if u cant understand wat it means to haf a sickly father hu's oni getting sicker,u can go fuck ur head.he needs me.u dun noe how hard it is to haf to stay strong wen inside ur falling apart.dis happy facade i hold up for all of u,its ever so hard.dis fake smile once again.

~i dont really need to look very much further~

dear yanni,im ever so sorry for not being da best dat i can be for PW.im so sorry.beyond werds.u duno how much it hurt for me to see u so upset n hearing dose werds of anger being said by u.thank u so much for everyting u haf done.ur undeniably a great leader.one of da best i haf seen.its an honour for me to even be able to werk wif u.but im ashamed for not being able to currently offer da best dat i can at dis point of time.i hope u understand.im pushing myself beyond wat my own health can take.i havent even been takin my medication for so long now.i dun haf time.dats how bad it has gotten.if u dun understand dear,its ok.i dun blame u.ders so much u can take to as a leader.n now i offer u da sincerest of apologies cummin straight friom da heart.

~where are you now?~

n its even worse wen ur bestfren throws u away.kicks u wen ur down.

im sorry everyone.do bare with me.im not like this.this is not hu i am.n i haf not seen kristel in sae a month now.it breaks my hart uh.my no 1 gf.n danny n i barely get to meet nimore.yeah.n ders sumone i seem to miss to.he-who-shall-not-be-named.(no,its nto lord voldemort.sheesh.)

~we are strangers starting out on a journey~

now on a lighter note.I MADE NEW J2 FRENS!!!thank u mai.now i can barely bring myself to look at him cuz i feel lyk burying my head in a shithole.so embarassing!!haha!but stil.at least now we noe each oder.haha!n thanks to you,now david noes i tink hes hot!sheesh!wat da.oh well.der r many hot ppl in dis werld.haha!yeah,thnx for tolerating my nonsensication thru triple S.n your 8 am bell plan.hahah!i SUNDENLY luk forward to morning assemblys tho i get kinda scared sumhow.to indulge in "the one wif da ever so big smile".party animal habis!hahah!

~who is that gurl i see,staring straight back at me?~

well then,til my next post which is god noes wen.kip missing me cuz i'll defintely miss u.love al of u many many.stay sexy all u huchi mama's n kip dose beautiful smiles on.*hugs tight tight,kiss many many,sunshine plenty plenty*=)

~well you showed me how it feels,to feel the sky within my reach~

~and i always will remember all the strength u gave to me~

~in my dreams i'll always see you soar above the sky~

~in my heart there'll always be a place for you,for all my life~

~i'll keep a part of you with me and everywhere i am~

~There you'll be~

*happy belated 22nd birthday sweet yan.2 years have gone now.hope your happy by Gods side.i love you.i always will.=)*

foxy mama,out.

2006-07-11T22:34:00.000+08:00

~dying a painful death~

guess who's back?back again..heehee..apologies for not posting..wanted ppl to read da recent post..haha..n oso..i was just sooo damn freakin tired..haha..well..so many many tings haf happened n i cant rili recall much of it..

~you might regret what you let slip away~

been dancing my butt off for da past few days,weeks...sheesh..one after anoder..summer test?well,lets not go der..had a nice lil picnic sum bbq tingy a few daes back wif azli,azhar,dan,moran,azwan,faizah n i..many din turn up..but stil we had fun..hooray for iilegal picnics!!haha..den yesterday i din go to skul cuz i had to attend my sisters NUS graduation..smart potato sack..

~this could be the start~

da ceremony ting was lyk DAAAAMN boring...however....da perks came about just as i was about to dose off...HOT SMART UNI GRADUATE MALES!!!oh my holy goodness...just...*wipes drool*..den den den...after da ting der was dis buffet ting n al...n SUNDENLY super cute dude appeared lukin eva so hot n sexy n undeniably smart in his robe ting......*gets bucket to collect drool*

~its gonna burn for me to say this~

skool..its fine...tiring lyk crazy but fine.my classmates r just sooo happening i just soo love dem so much.LOVE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF U ANTI-STINGRAY FUCKERS!!im getting much much much closer to da sunshine boys now.totali enjoy their company.oh speaking of da sunshine boys.cuteness n i fought yesterday.cuteness being dear sayeem.well,he din noe wat he shud not haf said,but nonetheless,it was sweet of him to apologise n email n wateva.apparently he din sleep til 3 am n wat not cuz he was tinkin abt how i wud feel n wat not.(hes sooo gona kill me if he noes im broadcasting hes niceness n apparent emoness on da net)he days he wud neva emo....yeah sayeem.suuurrreee.haha.whatever it is,sensitivity yeah cuteness.=)

~more than words is all you have to do to make it real~

now everyting is just not here nor there.actuali,i dono.im happy.smiling.but somehow.a part of me is already missing n has been missing for da past two years.however,now,ders anoder part dat seems to be missing.i now the ans to dat.but,i sumhow dowana tink about it.whatever for.apologies for da harshness.all of u can say whatever u want.say all u want til ur mouth feels lyk da sahara desert.it has cum to a point whereby promises n wat not is an overrated werd for all of u.i haf been hurt enuf.just enuf.i noe a lot more about wats goin on n wat u do more than u think i do.n i dowana get hurt animore.i hands down refuse to allow anione to bring me down.no one.proof to me ppl.reassurance n proof is all i need.n u can get der if u constantly remind urself dat wen it cums to me.5 werds shud be remembered.actions speak louder than werds.

~what would you do if my heart was torn in two~

only a lameass werthless loser would give up.i dun mean to be mean or nasty to anione of u guys.remember..you did this to me.you made me like this.

~you took my hand you showed me how~

im missing danial ever so bad.moran too.n kristel.da amount i miss dat gurl.no werd can describe.and yes.him.i miss him.i miss you stranger.well then,til my next post which is goodness noes when.please do kip dose beautiful smiles on.*many many hugs n kisses n big bear hugs n smiles n sunshine n rainbows!!!* =)

more than words.

~saying i love you,is not the words i want to hear from you~
~its not that i want you not to say,but if you only knew~
~how easy it would be to show me how you feel~
~more than words to show me~

foxy mama,out.

2006-07-06T14:01:00.000+08:00

~got myself together and now im ready to sing~

good 2.01pm everybody.im suppose to be in skool but im at home now.im not feeling well.bleagh.realised dat i nid to cut down on my bad werds n wat not.i shall kip it for anger,so ders more impact.please,im lyk so not in the mood rite now=(

1.i have dis crazy headache dat has been irritating the crap out of me lately.seriusly,my head feels lyk its constantly being banged on sum wall!horribleful.and the lower half of my boy is currently non-existent.i cant feel it.
2.im missing kristel so bad.
3.im missing danial so bad.
4.i want this "holiday" im on to quickly be over.
5.jerks that prey on gurls.(the minah rep ting)
6.cant be in skool with my innova darlings.
7.boys who just wont stop irritating the fucking crap out of me n love.

~soon you will be back again,returning to win the very heart that you locked up and threw away~

i shall stop at 7 since its my favourite number.dun mind me while i vent out my frustration. here goes.

~i dowana be a fool for you,just another player in this game for two~

think.isnt it funny how some guys just wont stop till they get what they want cuz they haf always gotten or captured every girl they wanted?i personally find it hilarious how they just wun stop.even wen we show our lack of interest in them or just plain ignorance to deir meer presence.they sumhow think that constant persistance would eventually capture our hearts n wateva shits.oh how stupid could they get?

its sad that they cant see how bloody pathetic they look.just plain pathetic.they wana talk about hope.please,sumtimes wen the gurl gives u a big fat "you are just not my type" do get the hint n back off.how lame can they get?some gurls are nice enuf to just ignore wateva they are doing n not blow up at their sickening acts dat just increase our level of disgust in them.but still,they dont stop.testing our patience.n wen we do blow off.we r seen as bitches n da blame is put on us by those who support them.dey wana sae they are not da type to gif up or gif in.fools.the werds "not my type" says that hu u r is not wat i want n wat i wud eva want.if dey r dumb enuf,dey wud actuali go change themselves to suit the bill.plain stupidity.u r what u r.fool.

i find it just plain hilarious how some guys use the same god damn tactics over and over again.its revolting how they pretend to be sincere n mean wateva dey sae.but please,eventually da gurl will cum to realise it was all empty werds.enough lies told please.enough empty promises n meaningless words.if there is any guy out there hu is doing shits lyk this,hopefully this wud b an eye opener.

but somehow,its rili seriously crazy shitass funny how dese guys can tink dat wat dey r doin is just hu dey r n not flirting or sweet toking.dey tink dat dey rili mean wat they say n they just assume it cums from the heart.one werd to that.bullshit.in actual fact,this are the very guys hu just dont know what they want.they think they do,but its only at that particular point of time.u see,people tend to let go of tings tinkin its da right ting n its wats best for them.but as moments linger n time heals,they realise that what they threw away was the very thing they haf been searching and longing for.which is sad.a sad sad situation.agreed?

it disgust me how sum guys play "the victim".just to win the support and get votes frm da ppl around him.he may think otherwise,but sumwhere deep inside,if ever he gets da time to reflect,he would realise dat he did wana win support.with this very support,these guys think that they wud be able to capture that very gurl so it would be yet another "one down" for them.it may not seem that way to dem cuz most of dis idiots are in plain denial.understanding abit gurls,dun forget da ego they own.

dis may seem lyk a big fat assumption and misinterpretation to these very guys i m referring to.oh please.just shut your piehole n listen cuz u noe wat im saying is sumhow true in many ways.da saddest part of this is that due to da fucked upness of these guys,it just tarnishes our perception of guys on the whole.there are good guys out there,we know.but its due to those of their very own species that just makes us haf such perceptions.so dun u blame us.blame ur own kind.cuz u did this to us.you made us like this.

to the assholes im reffering to.plases sink this in.do realise how pathetic u r.please do.its just plain pathetic it becomes a big disgust.ur sheer act of apparent "sincerity" we all noe is just plain bullshit.u dont know wat u want.n u noe it urself.u think u do,but in actual fact u dont.your empty a thousand and one promises and million empty sweet words just dun werk animore.it is our refusal to fall for dat type of shits anymore.its lame how just a small werd or kind gesture cud make u suddenly haf ur hart stolen by that particular gurl.pls noe wat u want.and wen u do,think over wat ur going after again.cuz u see,u may THINK dat is wat u wan but in actual fact it isnt but u r just dumb enuf to be blinded by the present n not realise it.sumhow u allow the apparent werds of support of the ppl around to sumhow gif u hope.3 words.get a grip.u if you think u can get every gurl u wan,think again.just see how pathetic u look.u tink its sweet,romantic,sincere,and wat not.think again.we may not show it or say it.sum gurls r just being nice with much hope that u stop wateva ur doing n the chase u kip persisting on nwud see how pathetic u look and are to them.sori for da harshness,but just WAKE UP!sum guys need da big bang to wake up.fools.

if these guys sumhow still think that wat they r doin is rite n wateva n shits.on behalf of us gurls hu wish to just eradicate assholes lyk u.u can go fuck a stingray.

~unworthy pretenders full of empty promises and meaningless words should be eradicated~

dis one is for prominently amirah(minah rep),sweet love,kristel,saedah.and many many many MANY MANY more out there hu wud agree wif me.

~go on now go,walk out the door~
~just turn around now,cause your not welcome anymore~
~werent you the one who tried to break me with goodbye~
~did you think i'd crumble?~
~did you think i'd lay down and die?~

oh no not i.

foxy mama,out. :)

death would be my excuse to forget.

2006-07-05T21:57:00.000+08:00

~now i know i can shine the light to find my way back home~

today was a day full of HOT AND CUTE GUYS!!thank u innova jc for finally doing sumting just so ever so nice for us.(but still,dat doest not excuse ur stupidity for making our uniforms bloody fireproof wen da skul is situated at a sickeningly hot area!pisang.)JC 1's had to go on a skool trip to SAFTI.for those of u hu dono wat in gids name dat is.its an ARMY TRAINING PLACE TINGY FULL OF NICE-TO-LOOK-AT ARMY GUYS.=)

~the tide is high but im holding on~

lemme begin.first we met our two ever so nice n damn on guides.cadet sumting sumting ariff n cadet sumting sumting hazwan.dey were sooo ON.i was just lyk YEAH!!!heehee.da place is just soo full of symbolisms n wat not!!its just sooo cool.n being der wif my classmates made it cooler.we were cam whoring n all.its was just soo fun.seeing all da big gigantor guns n wat not.den,as time passed,we were getting soo extremely tired.gosh.all of us started getting real grumpy n wat not.*apologies for blowing up a few times*

~i've loved you forever,in lifetimes before~

budden,der was dis super hot ultra cute cadet sumting sumting person tingy!!minah rep n i were lyk *wipes drool* HOLY FUCK!hes name is ismael.oh wateva.cant be bothered.haha.so aniwae.den we had sum activities n wat not.which was rather fun n interesting in a way.den den den.oh heck!der was dis obstacle course route tingy we had to take(it had a beware of snakes sign which totali scared da shit outta me).we got to da middle or sumtin.SUNDENLY!shots were lyk being fired at us by dese crazy funky camouflaged rifle carrying men!!i tell u i was soo freaking scared!i seriusly tot we were gona die or sumtin.my fear immensified wen i saw sparks n wat not.my god i cud haf just peed!n it din help to be surrounded by a bunch of screaming malay gurls(fyra n co).my gaawwd!!i was soo freakin scared i started waving my white towel in the air as a sign of surrendering.everyone burst out larfing!i cud just bury my head in sum shithole!!haha!oh how silly i feel rite now.but gosh.i was just soo freakin scared.haha.but still,we took PICS!!!hooray fro the crazy funky camouflaged rifle carrying men!!!:)

~a thousand lights had made me colder and i dont think i can look at this the same~

yada yada yada ya.den it was time to go back.all of us were more den glad to go back though we enjoyed da visit.surprisingly for me,it wasnt oni about da hot mama's der.but heck,i learnt quite alot n all.just so interesting u noe.den minah rep,yanni laser n i went to consume sum food at Long Johns where i got to see dear FADZLI!!yay!!=)

~this is what we dream about~

da day before today which is basically yesterday wasnt much.skul than dance.but i did a silly ting wen i was larfing uncontrollably at goodness noes wat.(whats new?)i was holding an empty bootle.i was intending to hit da bottle on da railing.but being a ding ding,i happily whcked my hand on da damn railing instead.dis is wat i kol,bodoh-nak-mampus.haha.i got to meet my new cikgu,cikgu ali.nice teacher,teaches well,HOWEVER,he soo does not undertsand my plight in malay.sigh.but its ok.im trying my best:)

~my heart is full of endless gratitude.you were the one to guide me through~

sum guys r just so screwed up and dumb dat deir plain stupidity just does not amaze me.same tactics?!oh for gods sake give me a break!u soo picked da rong gurl to fuck around wif.sum guys tink dey r soooo hot,oh puh-lease!i haf seen soo many more guys hu makes dem look lyk nose shit.sum guys just soo tink dey can get any gurl dey wan cuz dey apparently haf da looks.n dese r da very guys dat do will sumday probably strip them of their only weapon,their physical being.hopefully god takes away their other only weapon,SWEET-TALKING.dats just plain revolting!i noe im not da type to do dis kinda shits,but for you minah rep,i will go on wif dis.i will soo jack him til he pancet kebabom.sorry for brusing your ever bloating ego alvin.but get this,not every gurl u meet is dumb enuf to fall for ur lame BULLSHIT.ur calibre of bodohness is juz sooo HIGH UP THERE i tel u!wif all da oder gundubums.hello stupid,amirah are lyk sista's n u stil can blatantly hit on me.how disgusting.cuz u see,sum of us,we noe wat good-looking is and u r oni da epitome of dat from the first look.but the more i look at u,the more amirah luks at u.my goodness.shit looks better then dat.u luk lyk as though u got run over by a truck carrying a big pile of cow shit,a big pile of YOU.im sori if i sound mean or anitin,but hell,im so sick of guys n deir moder fucking bullshit.n u picked da rong time to hit on me.so right now u can go fuck a stingray for all i care.i dono how da hell ur gona fuck a stingray or where ur gona find one,just go fuck a bloody stingray.

~i believe its only just beginning~

basically i haf been having a greattime n wat not.just ever so tired.haizz.well,im sooo missing my dear kristel.2 weeks polus of not seeing her.sheesh.no wunder i feel so bleagh.n DANIAL!!oh i sooo miss him!!soo soo sooo much!even more den he can tink of.heehee.and yes.i miss him.hush now for he somehow cant read my posts.well,i shall end here for now.heehee.all of u beautiful ppl just remember to just keep on smiling.loves big big n many many n whole tray of hugs.heehee.smiling is good.to smile and only smile =)

~everything i know and anywhere i go~
~it gets harder but it wont take away my love~
~and when the last one falls,when it's all said and done~
~it gets hard but it wont take away my love~

got myself together and now im ready to sing.

foxy mama,out.

2006-07-03T23:45:00.000+08:00

~i can see what's happening,but they dont have a clue~

helloooooooooo!!!!im soooo freakin exhausted rite now!!just got back from da outing.suppose to be class.den many din turn up.so we merged wif vicky n cuteness n all.n minah rep brought her thai mix fren,alvin hu brought anoder fren,apit.(i will get back to dose two sumwhere later on.bleagh.)so basically there was yanni laser,sharon dun touch me,jannice cina dancer,minah rep,alvin,apit,vicky my shahrukh khan,haashir hotness,hafiz sweetness,syahir niceness,sayeem cuteness n amin whiteness.i love being out in BIG groups.heehee.YAY!=)

~she's holding back she's hiding~

we were all daaaamn late...sum overslept n wat not..(sori yanni dear)haha.so deeeen..we made our way der..basically,we played games n tanned.minah rep stil luks lyk flour..not much of a difference.haha.tanned for god noes how long but stil da same colour.haha.our gurls got BOOBIES!!HOORAY FOR NICE BOOBS!haha.sori for da randomness.but stil.my blog,my pasal.heehee.we played rugby(yanni dear im soo soo sori for accidentally snapping ur bikini strap.sooo sori) n soccer(in which I,wan nur fadhillah bte wan othman,the fairy princess,the foxy mama,scored A GOAL!!)woohee!!!i was soo hapi!!just beautiful!dun underestimate me ah.haha.we also played volleyball.which was just FANTABULOUS!beautiful!had soooo much fun.so much fun.den we headed to harbour front to haf dinner cuz mr mahmood cancelled dinner plans.den we went off cuz we were dead tired.just pooped out.

~there's a story in her eyes~

i just despise sweet talkers and flirts.its sickening how dey tink deir dumb shallow tactics werk on every gurl.oh get a grip!some of us gurls,are just plain immune t o dat kinda crap.n winking repeatedly?sheesh.u gotta be fuckin me.n its just da most annoying n rigiculous wen dese idiots dun tink dat dey r sweet tokin n flirting.dey dun see deir actions as such.oh wat fools.so sink dis in boy.YOUR BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE.(minah rep n love,we kill dis kinda boys one by one yeah)

~to learn what to fall in love with each other all over again means~

so i shud be sleeping now.b4 dat.my "miss list".im missing KRISTEL!!argh..its been soo long.TOO long!missing dear danial(get well soon).faizah!!soo miss dat lovely girl.SHELLYRAH HORSEHAIR!!!sooo miss her!dats abt all my brain can tink of rite now.oh n not forgetting my iman.til weneva it is i blog again,keep smiling always.=)

~when the visions aroud you,bring tears to your eyes~
~and all that surround you are secrets and lies~
~i'll be your strength,i'll give you hope~
~keeping you faith when it's gone~
~the one you should call~
~was standing here all along~

they know you'll save the last dance for me.

foxy mama,out.

2006-07-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

~isnt anyone trying to find me~

BAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCK from my mini holiday!!!haha.sori for not blogging.i noe u miss me dun pretend u dun.lets not be in denial now okay.weehee!!im high!haha.dis is gona be a long one.so enjoy da ride.or read.oh shut up fadhillah n get on wif it.

~lemme figure out this life,wont u take me by the hand take me somewhere new~

lemme begin wif thurs.i had no skool.so i had a hot "date" wif my dear danial!so much fun we had just the two of us.we had a pretty long wait at da yishun polyclinic cuz dan was sick u see.so poor thing dat boy.got me so worried.*sori i was late love*so then we made our way to marina square n we caught Scary Movie 4.beautiful!sum scary funi shits i tel u!haha.dat crazy ju-on kid.sumhow i was scared.haha.yes yes yes,kol me retarded.yes.i just get shitass scare of dis kinda stuffs.den my wedges(a form of shoe) was bitchin on me n danny went into his cobler mode.*thanks sweetie*den we got our beautiful BLACK AND WHITE LURB/BESTIES BANDS.its beautiful i tel u.n i got iman n i beautiful BLUE ones cuz he lyks blue.im wearin dem both now.so prettyful!!den we got sum real nice chocolate biscuits n went down to esplanade's bay to HEMO!beautiful!!n it soo werked.i was HIGHPER n danny was just danny.heee!but it helped cuz dat nite.we shone THE light.haha.i basically had a BEAUTIFUL time!:)

~would you forget everyone,forget everything~

den it was friday..ooooh.i had skool.LAST PAPER!!yay!let us not spoil da post by speakin of it yeah?heehee.beautiful.so den.it was yanni laser,janice cina dancer,sharon dun touch me,deeben squirrel boy,ee chin toast,nicky fire starter n i.we went breakfasting at macs.soo fun!beautiful!den den den.da boys n eechin left.den we waited for lyk FOREVA for my hotness n vicky to cum frm skul.dey were renovating IJC.haha.den den den,hotness went hm awhile.da rest of us den made our way to town.played pool.kumar came.den EVELYN appeared!yay!den sayeem,hafiz,syahir n amin came.YAY!!BEAUTIFUL!den we hung out.ate.played n all.sayeem n his nonsensication.so funi!heehee.den a few left.n it was left wif me,sharon,sayeem,hafiz,syahir n amin.oh n den jullian(sharons bf)came.I LOVE HIM.he soo rawks.sharons got a gd n freakin shitass smart bf!(RJC)so anihoo's,it was all late n all n my ass was abt to get fried n all if i din take a cab home.sharon,sayeem,hafiz,syahir n jullian did da most sweetest ting eva.dey gathered cab fare for me n all..it was just soo sweet n touching u noe.just plain beautiful.*thank u ever so much for dat beautiful gesture dat i will most definitely not forget.im very grateful for ur thoughtfulness n wat not.i had an undeniably GREAT time!n im very much hoping to be able to spend more time wif u people,my sunshine boys.heehee.*oh n b4 i forget,ders sum new additions to my collection of boys.hee!!sayeem is my cuteness,hafiz is my sweetness n syahir is my niceness.hooray for dem!!:)
(den my hp aka kaka had to bitch up me oh so SUNDENLY n had to spoil my beautiful day.so horrible i tell u.dono wat possessed it to be lyk dat.no it wasnt her.sheesh.)

~its sad so sad,its a sad sad situation and its getting more and more absurd~

den after dat came saturday.the reunion of sweet moran n azli dat i haf been planning for da past week or so.dress code was foraml but sumhow oni danny n i looked formal.well i apparently looked lyk an american kindergarten teacher.haha.but it was a BEAUTIFUL outfit i wud love to wear again.heehee.we went to da esplanade.spent most of our time der.der was basically azli,moran,dan,cheryl,azwan,faiza n i.it was lovely.im glad i fixed it for u boys.i said i would now didnt i?=)

~what i gotta do to be heard,what do i do when lightning strikes me~

den den den,sunday which is today.woke up.wore my blue punjabi.dolled myself up.made my way to chuachukang(amira,insyira,nadrah n mirza's place).my nieces n nephews were all there to attend sum thanksgiving function.i basically had a FANTABULOUS time wif da kids.just GREAT.plain BEAUTIFUL.heehee.but im dead tired.n now im at hoome bloggin after sumtime of not doing so.sori about dat yeah.

~if you want me to leave just say,if you want me to stay than show me~

anihoo's,i 'll be meeting sum of my dear calssmates tomoro.,togede wif cuteness n vicky dey all.we r goin to sentosa!!!hooray!heehee.cant wait for that!heehee.oh yes.i will be marrying haashir my hotness in awhile.my cuteness suggested n so we took it up.yay!gona haf hot children wen i grow up!haha!cant believe dat boy sis polaying along wif my madness.heehee.right now im taking things as it comes.one by one i shall fix it.my english im gona werk on it.im basically gona go recharge myself now.heehee.goin on a mini holiday from some people.its a good thing by the way.everytng about me now is good good good.heehe.bneautiful!so i shal end my post here.thnx for stickin around.oh wait.forgot my "i miss" list.here goes.i sooo miss IMAN caaan.oh!i miss my SAC gurlfrens.im missing dear horsehair shellyrah.oh oh oh!i soooo miss my long lost rebel sista(u noe it is YOU (evol teews)im referring to)i miss yan yan yan n yan.n yeah.i miss didi!!dats basically it i tink.oh wait.KRISTEL I MISS U BEYOND WERDS N U NOE IT.til whenever it is,keep those beautiful smiles on now.many many hugs,plenty plenty kisses n beautiful sunhiney smiles :)

here i go,so dishonestly leave a note for you.

~if your determined to leave boy~
~i will not stand in your way~
~but inevitably,we'll be back again~
~cause you know in your heart babe~
~our love will never end~

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-29T02:07:00.001+08:00

~i'd rather keep the trash and throw you out~

its late so im gonna make dis a short one.a pigment of my thoughts.

i detest jackasses,jerks,sweet talkers and everything dat goes with it.i find it hilarious how some people can carry themselves in a way that they dont realise is makin them look so pathetic.wat the hell.goin back to the karma.oh god im experiencing it now.but heck,shits will always happen to slap itself back on these morons.they tink they got everyting worked out.oh what fools.i may sound angry but hell im not.i dont intend to waste my life getting upset with shits that arent deserving of a single ounce of attention from me.the day will come love,until then hang in there.:)

you dropped the ball and now the game is through..game over.

~cuz u tried to play both sides~
~you got caught up in your lies~
~and now ur running,your running out of time~
~you played yourself,game over~
~and now your thinking you can get one by me~
~you made your move your gonna lose~

she sits there and watches him die.

you did this to me.you made me like this.

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-29T02:07:00.000+08:00

2006-06-27T20:01:00.001+08:00

~im already half way out the door~

yet another splendid day!!!!!today the papers lyk started late soo i got to wake up at r more humane hour!!*grins*den den den.mugged a bit for econs.da 168!GOD bless the 168!dis is i juz HAF to HAF TO tel u!my blog so my pasal.weehee.minah rep boarded da bus.i tot it was gona b da usual "stone-on-da-bus" bus ride.oh well.i sooo tot wrong!!we were on dat long stretch of road.juz road only,no traffic lights.(expressway i dono which one)heehee.n she was lyk informating me on sum econs shit.she was lukin into our notes.but me.it was destined for me to luk out da window opp me.SUNDENLY,heaven passed by.*commercial break*

~i'd rather keep the trash and throw you out~

*end of commercial break*a god sent van passed by us.NOT JUST ANY VAN PEOPLE!it was an SCDF van carrying a BIG(not small)but BIG bunch of ultra-hot-super-nice-bodies SCDF MEN(not boys).i squealed partially softly n knudged minah rep lyk crazy.her reaction was lyk OH HOLY!n dey were lyk waving at us.quite disgusting dat part cuz dats lyk soo mat.but heck,dey were FINE!*wipes drool*but those r da boys i kol the only-to-look-at-boys.cuz u see,dese r da very jerks n players we gurls wud haf squashed if it wasnt 4 deir good looks.haha!oh YEAH WATEVA.

~IGNORANCE IS BLISS~

so anihoo's da econs paper let us not tok about it.da pisang hu set da 2nd qn shud be shot.pisang.da lit paper was alrite i guess.shant b over confident now.i mite get a big fat F.(oh dear)altogether we did SIX essays(not 5)but SIX in one day.well done dear 0643A POSSE!we sooo rawk.oh oh oh!i soo had plenty of funness during our 1 hr break!sharon"dun touch me",janice turning garang,yanni laser,shellyrah,minah rep,my hero n i were lyk chilling at da canteen.n we were larfin our asses off!over yet again NOTHING!haha!i love u guys plenty plenty!smooch smooch.iman is officially vacuum.*sniggers*

~did you think i'd crumble?did you think i'd lay down and die?oh no not i~

wen we were walkin to causeway pt it was oso fun fun fun.just us bein togede is juz plain fun.happening ah we all.oh,can sumone pls tell iman dat he is NOT INVINSIBLE!dat boy is gona gif me a hart attack i tel u.he kips standing n walking near da road where da cars r!n im lyk waaaat.wen ders da red man he sae green.colour blind ppl.sheesh.(pls iman,for my sake.dont do it anymore.people do care u fool.see,now u upset me.vacuum.*giggles*)

~would someone be and not pretend~

oh oh oh!anihoo's,my dear danial cut his hair n he was lyk soo freakin upset about it.poor boy.*no worries love,i tink u will look just as handsome or even more wif any hairdo.its in the confidence bebeh.trust me.i manage to make my punkrock-halle-berry-pixie haircut werk*.speaking of haircuts.i sooo wana go do sumtin to my hair!!anioh, n i haf a"date" wif sweet danny dis thurs.he got a new hp btw.stil in da process of findin nice names for our fones.heehee.weeee!!

~whatever happened boy get over it,you look so pathetic~

i FINALLY got to see SAYEEM today!!gave him a nice wave.i lyk soo miss dat boy..haha!den i saw hafiz too!!oh oh oh!n amin has got a new haircut!*lookin good now amin*n to top it all off.i saw my HOTNESS!he's gettin hotter n hotter i tel u.MENINGGAL!haha.

~this guilt trip you put me through wont mess me up i have done no wrong~

met an old friend yesterday,forgot to blog abt it.its been soo long.now we finali got to meet!!yay!!goin out together soon!!cant wait!!yay!!made my day to see him actuali wif all da shits dats goin on.haha.oh my god,b4 i forget,BIG apology to iman n dan for last nite.screw brothers n everyting dat goes wif it.

~i dont give a damn what you say about that,you leave me laughing on the floor~

its funny how some people are just so revolting and can be so freakin dumb n blind.they think they are ALL THAT.oh puh-lease.wait til karma slaps dem in da face n dey cum running back to you.karma ALWAYS justifies on the behalf of those deserving of it.you can go and die u shit.so irritating can.oh my god.im sooo not about to let shits lyk dis get to me.bleagh.

~you bleed,i sit here and watch you bleed~

anihoo's.math paper tomoro.gotta go try to understand sumtin so der will b sumtin for me to write on the paper tomorow.*gonna keep to my words to ma man!!*now all u beautiful blog orang-orang(people)*practising malay*keep dose ever so lovely smiles on!!im smiling now.theres nothing not to smile about now is there?: )

I spent oh so many nights just feeling oh so sorry for myself.
I used to cry,but now i hold my head up high.
Now you see me,somebody new,im not that chained up little person still inlove with you.
So you felt like dropping in and just expect me to be free.
Well now im saving all my loving for someone who's loving me.
Go on now go.

you did this to me,you made me like this.

*oh i sooo love this song!!*

~bumped into an old friend yesterday~
~caught me by surprse when he called my name~
~he was a familiar face~
~from a chapter in my past~ :)

im surrounded by angels, i call them my friends. : )

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-26T18:38:00.000+08:00

~you had it all but you didnt know~

OH HOLYNESS!!god knows y im soo freakishly hapi today!!so not anyone,not even you,can make me upset.try n you'll juz see how close to da moon i'll slap ur face to.weeheehee!lemme tell u about my day.here goes..

~you will never miss anything until its gone~

woke up.opened my eyes *first thought of the day : yan*.it was 5 am.wat an ungodly hour rite!!so i decided to knock myself out for anoder 15 mins.5.21 am n my maid woke me up.never,let me repeat myself,NEVER in an attempt to wake me up touch my ass,tickle any part of my body or OR OR continue shakin my ass despite seeing dat i haf woken up.(wats up wif dat aniwae?!)its a death wish.but she HAD to do it now din she.but nevamind.she IS da one hu does most of da cleaning n stuffs so i guess shes an acception.haha.*thank u bibik!*den made my wae to skul.

~"come,give your heart away",he says~(OH HELL NO!)

saw da crazy senior dude hu gifs me funky(in a weird way)stares doing wat he does best,staring.bleagh.den minah rep boarded.we were in boohoohooness i tell u.we haf been army-eye-candy-deprived for a whole month now!sheesh.oh wateva.i cant b bothered.all da same.haha.so den we went to skul n i FINALI got 2 see my dearly missed classmates!!0643A rawkingness bebeh!i sooo love all of u!!eee!*big BIG hug*yibin got dis totali new haircut which is sooo total retro-ness!!*diggin ur new do babe!*heehee.(note to self:get a haircut pisang,it has no shape now!gif it sum shape!!)den we had to sit for our history paper.bleagh.=(

~the one you gave away will be the only one your wishing for~

i did two very silly things out of nervousness-ess b4 da paper started.not ONE but TWO!i cud juz bury my head in sum shithole!silly thing no 1: forgot to leave my hp in my bag!thank god da teacher was a kind soul hu juz larfed it off.so embarassing daa!!heehee.silly thing no 2:i tot da embarassment ended der.but noooooo!i came back.2 secs b4 we began,da gurls bhind me asked for da qn paper.being da gundu-dumb-dumb dat i m i 4got it was wimme since i sat rite in front!!ish!n i heard iman let out a giggle frm where he sat.*flower's*pisang.

~here in this moment im halfway out the door~

den den den we finished da paper.oh!oh!oh!den da fun fun fun of it all began.yanni laser,shellyrah,minah rep,sharon"dun touch me!",my hero n i went lunching at causeway pt's long john's.frm da moment we stepped outta skul to da moment we wanted to go hm we were juz crackin disgustingly funi jokes i tell u!HILARIOUS!haha.iman n cummin.weeheehee!boobieeesss.leave em alone daa!!we were sooo high!high,high,high!!n i was lyk sooo crazy hypppeeeerrr!!i miss bein HYYPPPEEEERRR!!oh i soo totali love hyper-ing!!haha.so totali needed dis durin da hols..gona do dat more now dat i noe da ppl hu gets me hyper.weeheehee!n we r soo planning dis totali cool class outing for youth day.celebrate our youthness-ess-ess!!wwweeeeeeeee!:)

~i watch u die i hear u cry every night in your sleep~

den we went our separate ways.bus ride back wif minah rep was total niceness ah!!bitchingness-ess dat gurl..naughty naughty..heehee.so funi how dat gurl tels stories.haha!well den i came home.met didi wen i got off da bus.told him not to wait for me.but does he ever listen?nooooooo...haha..silly boy..den he was late for skul..haizz..
thanks aniway for walkin dat 2 min walk to da lift wif me..my goodness u funi boy..haha..2 mins..wahahahha!

~your joy ride just came down in flames~

oh my god.can i tell u how much i just dislike people who treat others wrongly..n dey tink dey r ALL DAT..then when shit happens to them,they come running back to the very people they mistreated.sooner or later they always do!now dun u find dat juz plain annoying?!dose hu get mistreated alwaes get justified in the end.so no worrys.oh god.and the most revolting part is that sum of dem r so blinded by their dumbness dey dun even realise dat dey r mistreating sumone n juz cant accept it wen others sae they do!i just so feel lyk asking dem to lyk go piss off or sumtin u noe!the best part,those dey mistreat r da ones hu r most probably gona change dem for da beta wen da time cums.sheesh.DUMB RETARDS.

~your playing the victim now,dont even begin to feel im the one to blame~

i know all you have ever done was to take care of me.never forgetting da littlest details of my health.taking up responsibilities which no one told u too for my well-being.i neva rili said "thank u" too u for dat.n i guess i din show u da appreciation u deserve.now i will treat u much beta yeah.wif everyting u haf done,my gratitude i will show thru my actions.*i hope u do open ur head to realise dat dis is for u!haha.i can always slap ur head for u to make u realise:)*

~ignorance is bliss~

sundenly ppl,juz SUNDENLY i miss my classmates again!im weird i tel u.beware now.its contagious!!haha.miss dan n moran.been danny n iran deprived for a week now=( well,im off to go study now.urgh.:( cant wait til dis is over!!n my dumb a level orals r still nearing!n im sooo screwed.well aniway,gona go be happy happy now.be friends wif my notes.or at least TRY to befriend dem.worse cum to worse,i will just pretend to be their fren.weehee!HYPERNESS!til we meet again my sek kebabom knights n fair nightangales,keep smiling now.or just be lyk me n pretend n wait n see if sumone actuali can tel da difference.=)LOVE BIGNESS!

she's just walking away from the thing
thats unyielding and sacred to her so silently.

~i can make it through the rain,i can stand up once again~
~on my own and i know that im strong enough to mend~
~and every time i feel afraid i hold on tighter to my faith~
~and i' live one more day and i'll make it through the rain~

he's just another player,playing in the name of love.
i've seen enough.
dont wanna be a fool for you,just another player in your game for two.i was once a fool its true.

you made me like this.

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-25T11:20:00.000+08:00

yoohoo!!im back!
didi just said sumting over the fone n im lyk soooooooooo true.not soooo true..but soooo true!!*thank u didi love.thank u so much*wat da hell.im a gurl hu gives hope to others!screw dat "dun haf ur hopes up,actuali dun haf hopes at all" nonsense!how dumb was i not to see it as rubbish n just let it get to me lyk dat.ridiculous i tel u.dun haf ur hopes up.yeah sure.i finally see.that the one hu said that to me,is the one hu needs to be given much hope.im not angry at dat person.hope i shall give.haf hope in EVERYTHING i say.lyk you said,the very gurl u fell in love with.but din u realise u killed her for a moment der?oh god.dat doesnt matter animore!i may not always be full of hope.but sweet heaven,im one who GIVES hope.dats y i made it dis far.so shut up all of u.dun u tel me not to haf my hopes up in anitin.contradiction to ur ownself if u sit down n think about it.believe in me when i say i will put a smile on ur face.hope is what i will give all of u.hope: )

2006-06-25T10:08:00.000+08:00

~so tired of tears~

im gonna fix all of dis even if it kills me.shut up you.shut up all of you.der is NOTHING dat i cant do.so dont you moder fucking bring me down.i noe no one is asking me to fix things.but u just dun get it now do u?its just me!hu i am!fuck it all man!im a freak.sheesh.

~go on now go,walk out the door~

i hate this u noe.feeling lyk this.i hate it sooo bad.y cant people just learn to forgive.it takes sumone wif a MATURED state of mind to b able to 4give.yes,dun forget.but hell,forgive.bless da heart dat forgives man.god bless dat heart.im so sick of dis.nonetheless,still hangin on til everything that needs to be fixed has been fixed.im gona die trying if i haf to.fix things with ur heart n love,not wif ur head and anger.(love the heart that loves,not the one that hurts)

~dont underestimate me boy i'll make you sorry you were born~

oh my god.something just hit me.oh my goodness.this is gonna end.all of this.i noe it will.oh my god.k,i cant put into werds wat juz hit me,but good heavens.my goodness.*thank u my love*im goin into my hapi-hapi-yeah-wateva mode now.SAC/MI fadhillah remember.hee!!:)

~so done with wishing you were still here~

saturday,iman,hadi,azli n i went to the marian day care centre.it was lyk soooo fun.da kids lyk sooo made me smile n u noe put my head at ease for just dat moment.created a posse der.der was lyk dis dude if forgot his name.he sang lyk an angel i tell u.i was lyk *melts*i dun get boys u noe.juz cuz u "melt" over sumones singin doesnt mean ur oogling over da guy n lyk is lyk interested in da guy or sumtin.for gods sake!but hell,i sooo tink he shud be in spore idol.him,his pretty justin timberlake curly hair n his oh so meltalable voice.haha!den yesterdae was nutin much.oh wait.speakin of fri.i had to do my malay oral in skul.oh god i dislike cikgu hani.so demoralising i tell u!!n screw innova jc.next time,y dun u tel us da dae b4 our a level orals dat we haf to sit for it da next dae.yeah.i juz found out my mt a level orals is next week!!oh god im soooo screwed.at least o levels i had time to lyk practise can.now.oh shittles.

~for you and me,the sun will shine one day~

i hate how ppl change u noe.sheesh.k random thought,haha,im pyscho i tell u.so aniwae,i'll be meeting dan to go lingerie shopping.haha!dun ask.then goin home to mugg sum more.oh i sooo hate this.i dono wat is up wif me.but i juz.urgh.shut up.all of u.randomness again.sori.pigmentations of my thoughts i guess.hehe.oh oh oh.yes.do u noe how ppl kip saying i dowan u to leave me n wat not.my goodness.if u dont want me to walk away,den stop me!its dat simple.but noooo.u see,sum guys,dey juz want everyting handed to dem.well listen up all of u.every single one of u,from izzuddin to keith to didi to just everyone of u.im not a toy.im not an object.u dowan me to leave den stop me.if u dun,as much as i dowan to,i will walk away.oh god.wat da hell.k k k.back to my yeah wateva-ness.haha!i wana smile i rili do.so yeah.im gona smile now.

~"on my knees,i'll ask,last chance for one last dance,"he says.~

i mite be goin out wif didi tonite.dono where da boy wana take me now.i shall see if im in da mood yeah.oh oh oh!he got me dis nice necklace tingy wif sum pendant ting.soo pretty i tell u.heehee.thank you love.oh oh oh.n now,my fone has got BLING BLING i tel u!soo pretty.funkadelicness to da highest level!iman gave it to me.so sweeet!*thanks hero!!*so anihoo's,next saturday.is THE day.dun ask wat day.u will soon cum to noe.i will make dat day happen even if it kills me.aniwae,skul starts tomoro.i m missing dear kristel so badly.yan is da oni one dats in my head.(live wif it all of u.u made me lyk dis)i cant wait to see dear crazy 0643A.iman!!miss u soo much.moran n danny too.oooh!moran is now one of my newfound lurb!hee!:)

~if i should have stayed.....~

dun haf ur hopes up actuali dun haf hopes at all.goes out to all of u.btw,apologies for da ultra long post yesterdae.oh heck,my blog so my pasal.haha.well den,i gotta hit da lecture notes now.bury myself deep deep in it.so deep dat...dat..erm.just noe dat its reaaaal deep ah.heehee.well den.til my next post,kip dose beautiful smiles on.smiling is good.dun be decieved by facades.hehe.im loving all of u plenty plenty now.=)

im so tired of tears.im so sick of my thoughts of you.

~when you want it the most,there's no easy way out~
~when your ready to go but your heearts left in doubt~
~dont give up on your faith,love comes to those who believe it~
~and thats the way it is~
so why surrender when you can win,in this thing called love?
ask yourself what you did then maybe u will noe why..
yeah whatever.

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-24T13:37:00.000+08:00

~all of our tears will be lost in the rain,when i find my way back to your arms again~

hello there to one n all beautiful people.i noe i promised my next post wud be hapi hapi n wat not.im so sori i haf to go back on my werds.i am just so sorry.brace urself for da longestest-est-est post i haf eva put up.n ders so much more left unwritten.i dun gif a fuck if anione wans to say that im turning emo n wat not.fuck ur head.just go fuck ur head.i dono how da hell ur gona do dat,but just fuck ur head.
*its not meant to be funi*

~lost the will to love,like a broken arrow~

let me begin.oh god.WHERE do i begin??all this while,i haf always just in everybody's eyes been fine,been alright.yes,maybe thats because i hide.yes,i blame myself for that.yes i do.but,wen i do show.no one see's.or if dey do.its oni for 5 seconds.for a day or two.den,dey juz assume everyting is fine.yes,maybe dats becoz i say im fine.but hell,use ur head.hu da hell becums "fine" overnight?i showed,so many times.my emotions,how i feel abt my health,my skool,my family,da events befalling me,my heart.hoping,juz hoping sumone wud see n wud let tings change n sumhow be beta for me.but no.dun sae i neva voiced out anitin.i haf.i haf n i had.so fuck it.fuck how i feel.

~from this moment on~

now everyone is gonna say dis is my own fault n dat i shudnt put da blame on others.well guess wat fuck.if u just sit down.just sit down n think.n reminisce.hopefully u WUD see dat i did open up.i did reveal.never haf i ever blamed anione but myself for anitin dat happens.never.n now u wana say dat im blaming everyone.my god.the two of u once cud see straight thru me.see right thru the "im fine" and "dont worry,everything is alright,there's nothing wrong".it all began a long time ago.stage by stage it "progressed".from sad to crushed to its-killing-me to now dying.(you never miss the water until its gone)

~am i suppose to leave you now?~

so fuck it.fuck all of it.sumone said u all made me lyk dis.maybe it applies to me too.i dono.wat da fuck.one by one it came.my dad.my family.my skool.my junior.kristel.him.my health.yan.yan.yan.i did tell.i din kip it in.but the both of u failed to see right thru me like how u once did.u all shud noe me by now.im not the type to just tel u my hurt cuz i dowan.i noe it wud sumhow one way or anoder make u sad.i cant live seeing anione upset or anitin but hapi.IT KILLS ME DUN U GET IT.im one person hu noes wat true sadness is.i noe da fuckin epitome of it.heck,kol me a freak-of-nature,kol me selfish,blame me for all i care.screw u.u wana tink assume dat i tink im sum kinda crazy big fuck just becoz i haf been thru alot.yeah hell i noe u all haf been thru a lot too.i din say otherwise.

~forget everyone forget everything and start over with me~

if u read my past posts.maybe u cud see dis emotions u guys din see.just maybe.amk park.everyting.if more den one person says der are changes.i wud disagree n sae no cuz dey r sum hu dun.if i were to just sit down n think as in rili think i wud see dat der is change.dun qn me anione.dun qn me on anitin im gona sae or haf said.sit down n think n u wud find da ans.i dun tink u wud survive a day as me.trust me on that one.yeah hell everyone is gona say,ur a strong gurl.yada yada ya.well fuck dat strength.everytin.from skul to family.to everyting.even to my memory of him is just goin wrong.just so wrong.thank u danial.i thank u for always telling me dat ur alwaes der for me.i thank u for alwaes hearing me out n neva once pushing me aside or treating me rong.i thank u for at.so much.it has helped gif me strength quite a lot of times.n i wat ur werds last nite rili helped so much.so much.yes.it did gif me strength.but i noe u haf her to deal wif n dats takin a lot out of u.n u shud noe me,da freak dat i m.i refuse to be anoder cloud.u deserve so much beta for all dat u haf done.so here i am.fixing dis for u.or at least helping u fix it.helping.dun sae i im not a freak.heck,now u tel me haf u eva met sumone lyk me?no rite.n me,myself,my differences.i sumtimes do see myself as a freak.n i bet my mum n sis agrees.dun say i din take,i did,i have taken.

~i swore to you dat my love would remain~

all of u r gona say.dis is not da strong gurl i noe.hell,ders so much strength one can haf.ders so much.dun u see?my god.if u just sit down n think.just sit down n think n u wud see.u will god damn see.i dun blame anione.cuz im one person hu will never be given dat "chance".cuz im only meant to blame myself.n i will die dat way.its just not in me to sit n let shit happen infront of me n not do anitin.just sink it in fuck.sink it in.sink da fuck in.im sori for my harshness.but dun u ever tink dat i actuali deserve bein able to blame sumone?or sumtin.just not me,for once.for once just bein deserving to get angry or upset or say harsh tings.u noe wat.dun even bother thinking abt dat.just dont.i haf da ans.just forget it.im sori if i haf failed all of u.im sori if i disappointed u.im so sori.

~"dont have your hopes up.actually,dont have hopes at all",he says~

well now i dun.for everyting.n dun u blame me for it.not dis.n dun explain.just dont.cuz sumhow i noe he meant it.he tinks i din see his arm.im just a mere "all of them".sumhow he seemed to forget dat i did see.i did qn.i did get upset.so upset it made me die a little more inside.if you can be whatever.so can i.its you hu din see.iman,danial,kristel,faizah dose of u i actuali revealed it to.u din fail me dun weri.i din expect anitin from anione.im dying now.n its too late.if u juz sit down n think.u wud actuali finally see y im dying.just sit down n think back.n u wud noe.ders is so much this freak can take.faizah dear,u noe every inch of it.everyting.i told u last nite.every bit of it.thank u for listening.all of u dun weri,the person u noe u will see.i willl stil be hyper n fun n wateva u noe.SAC/MI fadhillah.i noe im not alone.i noe.its just dat.urgh.nevermind.i will fix dis.all of dis wif wat i haf left.

~i keep on searching but i cant find~

or if not,at least help.dan n her.iman.moran.my family.kristel n shaun.help my new "sister".(u noe hu u r love)both of us togede yeah.then me.im last.cuz its me.sink da fuck in.never.NEVER will ME,MYSELF N I cum first.sink dat fuck in.im a freak im different.unless u can bring yan back to me.den oni wud i put myself before anitin or anione else.hes death made me dis way.SINK IT IN GOD DAMN IT.always haf hope in everyting.EVERYTING.he once said.dat line i hung on to all dis while til 2 nights ago.now da line has changed.so i hang on to a new line.no,im not blaming u.pls dun get me wrong.n dun blame urself.me.im here to be blamed.

~too long to late,who was i to make you wait~

im sori if if ever i haf wronged anione of u.im sori iman for hurting u.im sori dan if u tink dis is my fault n shud haf i taken ur hand,sit dwn n think n u wud noe dat i did.im sori if i disappointed u once again.im so sori for being the cloud in your life.you think i dun notice,i dun realise,trust me wen i say dat i do.i always have.its just dat my words cum out wrong or dey dun cum out at all.hoping dat u wud see it in my eyes dat i do noe.like how u once cud.dun anione qn me about dis.ani of dats been mentioned.just dun bother.just sit down n think on ur own n hopefully god will shine the light on u for u to see.i love all of u,every single one of u very much.more den u can think.more den u can imagine.right now,im just,numb.i dono.am i?i dono.i just dont animore.i dont.i will not blame u if u ppl wana gif up.i noe im very different,a freak,n its hard to handle wif ur own probs.so just go now.and be happy.and SMILE.i will smile,dun weri.

~for your love,i would give my last breath~

yan my love.im sori the cloth on ur tombstone has not been changed for so long now.yes,i noe i can tok to u just aniwhere.but its different wen im at ur grave.ur most nearest to me.somehow.but dat privilege has been selfishly taken away from me.right now my dear.ur the one i noe i can hang on to n never treat me wrong or push me aside.me dying i noe u hate it.i noe i will rise up once again.my hope.sumhow a pinch of hope.i noe i will.for you my one true love.for you i will.i nid sumone here wif me on earth.until den,i only haf u.i love you.i always haf and always will.

~i gave to you my hand with all my heart~(gave)

i will end dis excrutiatingly long post here.haha.dun u weri.i will be smiling as i always have wen we meet.i will.heehee.now al lof you just smile please.just smile.i can take care of myself.dun u all underestimate me.just dun.i just dont wana be the cloud animore.i love all of u.i rili do.i hearts u ppl much much.heehee.yes,im stil da crazy fool hu larfs at everytin.haha.i just.i refuse to get upset over anitin.i just refuse.so all of u muz be takin care n walkin slowly now.hahaha.til weneva,i miss u ppl loads.kip dose beautiful mile on or u can alwaes gimme a ring ring so i can fix it up for u.heehee.:)

~i wanna just let go,with someone to help me survive~

"everybody knows that i was such a fool to ever let go of you,i was lying to myself now im dying in this hell.i was running from the truth." he says.

for you i will.

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-21T12:35:00.000+08:00

~i see you die a little more inside~

good afternoon to dis beautiful place called the world and to all the beautiful people in it!!*tilts head to the right n waves right hand frantically*here i am now.in dis hell of a shitass cold place.i haf noooo idea how to werk da air conditioning system here.yeah yeah yeah.shut up u crazy woman.from last nite u neva keep quiet.irritatingness-ess i tel u!poke here poke der.no life bodoh.haha.lemme tel u of today.=)

~sometimes i run,sometimes i hide,sometimes im scared of you,but all i really want is to..~

i had one of the most worst most horrible way of waking up this morning.was given a fone call.first words to hear in the morning,"what's your problem?".well,i cant blame that person either.yeah,she's still here.but today.i will put an end to all of this.once and for all to put a hush to sum ppl.so i dont have to make your life miserable anymore,as said by a friend.

~im looking at a picture in my hand,trying my best to understand~

at this point of time,i would know who knows me well enough to know the things i would do and the things i wouldnt.its amazing how u once tot sumone rili cared but actuali they dont.they never did.it was about themselves.their own safety or wat not.just so amazing.and the influence they can haf on other people so that others wud see things the way they do,and thru their eyes.my god.there's a reason why i have been in a girls skul for 10 years.and i think this is why.

~totally unblue~

hell ur rite no one understands.so god damn it,please dun judge me based on the events that befall me now.dun think i sum kind of crazy bitch desperate n obssessed over one person.im not.if you think im hanging on,think again.and please,im not jealous over anything,i dont see a need to.and please dont try to say things that you think wud make me jealous.sooo not happening babe.sooo not happening.there is so much i can tolerate k.hu r u to tell me wat to do?dun tink dat im not strong.dun underestimate me boy.i dowana do dis i dowana b so mean.but hell,i haf to get this off my chest.stop blaming me for everything that goes wrong.and do erase that thought of me being sad.because i am not.i am happy.it may sound surreal to you.well love,sink it in.i am happy.

*and for the love of god.u may think that it is YOU im tokin about,it isnt.its someone else alright.i noe u understand.its just that some ppl dun.yes,NOW im tokin to u.yes you.thnx 4 wakin me up : )*

~did you think i'd crumble?did you think i'd lay down and die?oh no not i.~

so anihoo's,enough of the not niceness.just not my kinda ting.i dont like uh.well,met eugene yesterday.yay!never fail to hear new things from him.seeing him again today.tomoro too most probably.wif me through every prick and pain.god i hate everyting dat cums wif dis place.all the aspects of it.just so draining n all.thank u for listening and for all the help.i noe my reactions to the things you do for me may be nasty at times,but i do hope u understand.i AM only turning 17 to haf all dis happen.nonetheless,i dono where i wud be without u.so i show u my gratitude.thank u for pulling me out of this werckage.lyk u said,i need strength and ur gona gif it to me. : )

~as long as i know how to love i know i will stay alive~

well,dis shall be it for today.sori for da anger everyone.i dun mean to be so mean and nasty.but my blog,so my pasal.haha.oh god i crack myself up.k now for sum randomness.i miss hugs.nice pretty ones.u noe dose whereby the person ur hugging truly noes how to hug n is very much informed of the very ART of hugging.went to MI n tot a few.heehee.god i miss hugs.k randomness ends here.i can go on foreva.haha.oh crap da crazy wuman is back.shut up la pisang!sheesh!well then,til my next post which i promise wud be much more positive n hapi hapi hapi.kip smiling now beautiful blog ppl.weeheehee!!!!loving all of u many many n much much n oh so plenty plenty!*hugs*: )

dont get it twisted,i want you to.
but you got my heart to win before i let you in.

~there's a girl in the mirror,i wonder who she is~
~sometimes i think i know her,sometimes i really wish i did~
~there's a story in her eyes,lullabies and goodbyes~
~when she's looking back at me,i can tell her heart is broken easily~

and i wish there was something,something i could do.
i cant believe what i see,that the girl in the mirror is........

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-20T11:30:00.000+08:00

~i used to cry but now i hold my head up high~

hei hei hei!!im back back back!a very very good mornin to one n all!!heehee.slept rather late last nite.juz cudnt sleep.haha.i woke up to natasha jumpin on me n ain yelling "kakak fadhillah WAKE UP!".sigh.n der went my intended n much wanted 12 hours of sleep.dose gurls r my neighbours kids.heehee.always speakin in malay.HELLO!!language barrier!wats all dis suria channel man??!!channel 5 please.nickelodeon oso can.oh oh oh!n disney channel is quite lovely i tell u.k k k.*whacks head wif slipper*goin out of point here.basically,juz converse in english pls."fadhillah" and "bahasa melayu" shud neva b put in the same sentence.haha.im a retard cum freak-of-nature wen it cums to malay i tell u.nonetheless,im stil werkin on it.heeee!!!!:)

~i spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong and i grew strong~

oh god!i dono y i haf been so hapi hapi hapi lately.but dat doesnt mean der wudnt be any negativity in dis post.since i'll be spending my dae at home today,soi shall blog abt yesterdae.*goes back in time* woke up.had my hr long bath.stoned n fell asleep in der.heehee.*blushes*found a nice dance outfit n made a move.we practised at da multi purpose hall at azhars place cuz da usual one was locked.bloody GRC ppl.but aniwae.thanks azhar for lending us the 2 pin plug n for dropping by yeah.oh,n thnx for offering to catch a ride to the east together.so sweet.sori we finished late.

~now you see me somebody new,im not that chained up little person~

we finished nearly da whole routine.heehee.n its rather lovely.oh n please.we DO come up wif ideas n steps together.not EVERYTING is me.so yeah.dun underestimate their originality.so anihoo's.i den made my way to khatib mac to grab a bite.met dan,azwan,moran,faizah,cheryl n azli.chilled,ate n made a move.heee!wish to spend more time next time.da eva so sweet moran gave me TWO(not one)but TWO,BIG(not small)but BIG bars of choc!!weeeeeheehee!

~there must be another way,cause i believe in taking chances.so come what may~

here cums da negativeness-ess of dis post.im aying al dis in general so i dun nid n want any comments.its amazing wat good actors sum ppl are.its REVOLTING how u gif others all the sensitivity u cud gif but ur slapped back wif a huge bag of insensitivity wen it cums to sumtings.been bitten before man.dey used to be sensitive n understanding but now dey tink its a mere joke n der is no need to be discreet.sumhow its amazing how ur darkest secrets is one in which people wana make known to the world wen u r expected to be silent to about theirs.now that i have gotten all dat off my chest.i dun see a need to tink or tok about it animore.im in the process of making myself numb to all dis.i dono if dats a good ting.but wat the heck.im happy.heeee!!:)

~see i was on the verge of breaking down~(was)

lemme take dis oppurtunity to make a shout out.hapi hapi time now.=)heehee.thank you sweets for making me smile.soo my type.haf no regrets getting to know you.heee!!we haf soo much in common n one aspect dat i guess we can say is most prominent.heehee.we wud haf soo much fun if eva we get da chance to go out together.(which i hope we do).n i noe our frenship wud blossom.heehee.joining forces to make dis world a beta place.bond to secrecy.*hugs*thank you...you noe hu u r n dat it is you im referring to.=)

so aniwae,im stil missing my nice mean gurls of sec 4/5(SAC)n 0643A!!aaaah!i shall end here for today yeah.maybe i'll be staying in today maybe i'll be goin there.til my next post,kip dose beautiful smiles on blog ppl!!smiling is good.hahaha!rest assured,i'll be smiling here wif u.i dun see anitin not to be happy about: )

they say.....didnt know just what i had.where was my head?where was my heart?

now i WAS once a fool its true.
i swore i'd never love again,i swore my heart would never mend.
said love wasnt worth the pain.
but then..............everybody knows that you are such a fool.
every time i turn around,i think i've got it all figured out.

~i was such a fool,i couldnt see it,just how good you were to me~
~you confessed your love,undying devotion,i confessed my need to be free~
~and now im left with all this pain~
~i've only got myself to blame~
he says........

ever since u left me.da word sadness which u once made sure was non-existent was born into my life.nontheless,here i am,smiling,because and for you as always: )

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-18T23:04:00.000+08:00

~come what may.for you and me the sun will shine one day~

lemme begin wif a big shout out to my dad.HAPPY FATHER'S DAY PAPA!although we din haf much of a celebration or wat not,i still remembered.though we go through lotsa hard times together n it may seem dat i dun love u.i do.ur my dad.no matter wat crap u put me thru,i wud neva switch u for another.i love you papa. :)

~to love and to hold,where the skies are blue,where the fields are green,i'll see you once again~

k now,enuf of da mushyness.heehee.im shy.*blushes*.n all dose hu noe me wud be lyk "fadhillah...shy?rrriiittteee..."i can b shy ok.n lately i kinda get shy easily.i dun rili noe y.well anihoo's,i spent much of my dae at hm.on my laptop.was tokin to JX aka jing xian.ex 4/5er.(SAC nice mean gurls)yeah.we planned a pretty outing to da beach for next thurs.hope dat happens.sooo totali miss gurls day out!!

~at first i was afraid,i was petrified~

so den dis tue i mite moz probably be catching up wif citra,fifi n KRISTEL!!god i miss dose ppl.citra is one of my SAC soulsista's.gosh i miss dem all.speaking of me missing people.let me say dis LOUD N CLEAR.
I MISS ALL MY INNOVA JC CLASSMATES!!!!ALL OF U!yanni my dear laserness sweetie pie.amirah my hardcore minah rep.shellyrah my horse.aaaahh!!from deep down gurls n boys.all of u!!i miss u sooo bad.u guys haf kinda grown on me.juz to see u for 5 secs wud quench my thirst of wanting to see u ppl.

~dont think that im not strong,im the one to take you on~

moving on.tomoro gotta get up at 8 to go teach da dance gurls.maybe its my last prac wif dem.god im tired.so aniwae.tomoro is nearing or is here n i shud be sleeping.but nooooo.i wana go watch da brazil vs australia match.wana see MY hot,sexy n delicious brazilian n rather nice-to-look-at australian soccer players.heehee.well i shall run along now.staying happy about everything.heehee.til we meet again beautiful blog ppl.kip dose beautiful smiles on.beautiful!:)

~so here we stand,in our secret place~
~with the sound of the crowd,so far away~
~and you take my hand,and it feels like home~
~we both understand it's where we belong~
~so how do i say,do i say goodbye?~
~we both have our dreams,we both wanna fly~
~so lets take tonight to carry us through the lonely times~
~we shall treasure this moment til we meet again~

and your're in my dreams,and there you will be until we meet...

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-17T19:35:00.000+08:00

~if i should have stayed~

not much today.just.heh.not much.made a new fren.found out new tings.n lyk yeah.yet again,im still a hapi gurl.just.i dono wat to do rite now.just.i just dont know.help me kristel.help me dear god.

~kept me in the dark,now let me show you the shape of my heart~

im still holding on to your words kristel.always have and always will.ur right,never gone wrong.juz beautiful.heehee.my time will come.hee.so yeah.im stil lyk yeah wateva.so..yeah wateva.i refuse to get upset.i guess.haha.so yeah wateva.

~he says,"on my knees,i'll ask,last chance for one last dance."~

im juz at da point of wat da fuck n i dono.haha.k not rili wat da fuck.i went past dat stage oready.haha.the end is not near she says.i guess.i dont know.yes yes.my 4 months of silence.well skool's gonna start soon.now DIS wud b a good one.he says the end will b fruitful.patience.shitass lots of it is wat i need.okaaaaaay.both blind,it will come,patience,test,destiny.yeah yeah yeah.haha.

she didnt wanna end up jaded,so by keeping her heart protected,she never ever feel rejected.

~why the hell did you have to make things so complicated,i see the way your acting like somebody else it gets me frustrated~

soooo aniway,i'll be scurrying off happily now.haha.so yeah.take care now buhbye then.til we meet again my sek kebabom knights n fair nitangales.brighten up someone's day wif dat beautiful smile!!=)

~opened up and let you in~
~now all thats left of me is what i pretend to be~
~so together but so broken up inside~

*my one true love,the one who will get me through all of this.til the day im back by your side,i know ur watching down on me.u always said "time will heal".i'll hold on to that.thank you my love..*

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-16T22:35:00.000+08:00

~i know i broke your heart,i didnt mean to break your heart~

today,was supposed to haf breakfast wif azli,dan n moran at khatib macs.suppose to haf a nice talk wif him but i was soo god damn tired i was late.den ended up der was no talk.(u said next week)hehe.but da boys gave me three bars of hersheys choc.FUH.beautiful.

~"i cant believe what i just gave away.now i cant take it back",he says~

den we went to AI to watch da talentime rehearsals.der was dis good drummer guy.n dis real good singer.dis gurl.juz beautiful!den den den,we hung out for quite sum time der.den made our wae for sum soocer match.da MANGO boys.so cute da name.heehee,mango.dey played against da "apples"(dey were in fashionable red)not sure of da score though.1-0 or 2-0.but it was fun to watch.

~once again,im thinking about taking the easy way out~

moran was da DA BOMB referee.all clad in black n merrily spewing vulgarities at those hu detest he's rules n words.*"got 2 offside players la fucker",says moran*heehee.den dan is a poweeeeer goalkeeper.lyk small boy he run.so cute.heehee.den iman.he ah.run lyk girl.kick ball lyk ballerina.haha.n azli.good skills.good everyting ah.good job boy.oh oh oh. he plays gracefully by the way.really.no shit.
*no,you din lose your touch.*

~you thought you had us fooled at your beckon call,but now who's the joke n who's laughing now~

den den den,my homie fadzli got hurt.poor boy.i hope he gets beta soon.oh den,da boys were oh so dirty.everyone made deir way back.moran,dan,azhar n iman made deir way to azli's place to wash up.they were gentlemanly enuf to wait til my bus came before makin a move.dat was rili sweet.heehee.

~dont turn back my one true love,you may see me cry~(yan)

its was really nice n sweet of you ah.thank you.

now my nieces came over.amira,insyira n nadhrah.oh god im sooo tired.nonetheless,gotta find sum energy frm god noes where for dem.i miss dem a lot.gosh.but im juz so dead tired.well,i wana go spend sum time wif dem b4 dey sleep now.til weneva,kip dose beautfiul smiles on blog ppl.beautiful!!heehee.hapi hapi hapi=)

~it's plain to see if you if you stick together,you're gonna find a way~
~so dont surrender when u can win,in this thing called love~
~when your're ready to go but your hearts left in doubt~
~dont give up on your faith~
~cause love comes to those who believe it~
~and that's the way it is~

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-16T00:19:00.000+08:00

~save the last dance for me~

imans bdae.gosh so many many tings.met iman n hadi in da mornin.no wait.12.30 is afternoon.dis boy ah.one big ball of super sweetness ah.can get diabetes.he ah.lemme tel u.hadi brought us to Candy Empire aka heaven.he say wana get chocs for dis chick he lyks.he got one bag.den he took anoder bag ask me to pick.tings i lyk.apparently we gt same taste.as in me n da gurl.

~just one chance,just one breath,just in case there's just one left~

den den den.bein da pisang dat i m.i take many many.heehee.fuh.happening bebeh.den dat iman sae my hair messy.cuz HE messed it up!so i went to da ladies.den den den.i came back.iman gave me da TWO(not one) but TWO bags of chocs.i tel u.i was shrieking lyk a mad hyena.oh god i was soooo hapi.lyk haiyo dei!i was lyk melting n shrieking.so i was basically shriek-elting!so sweet daa my best guy fren.b4 we met he actuali wana buy balloons for me cuz im sick,but he cudnt find any.but hei,I DUN SEE ANIONE COMPLAINING ABOUT DA CHOCOLATES BEBEH.den we ate at long johns.n he bought me cheese.woohoohoo!
*thnx iman,for everyting.happy bdae.thnx for understanding(u noe wat im tokin abt)oh,n i tink u luk ESPECIALLY hot today.i lyk ur top.hoohoo!*

~a walk to remember~

den den den.shit happened.*literally*den iman bunga.iman iman.face lyk gurl,body lyk boy,hart lyk baby.den he emo n emo.i tot he finish oready.but noooo.he wana emo n bunga.he wanted to emo-nga.heehee.den met dan n azli.went jamming at sum funky dudes place at arabs st.gosh he was in his man panties.*oh my eyes!*got a major shock man.lyk hello!ders a gurl here.cover ur hoohoo's man!(asf sounded particularly gd for da first two song btw)den met moran after jam n we headed for sum funky murtabak place.lovely food man.heehee.

~understanding,time,patience~

den we went to AMK park.she came.spoke to dan i tink.had a looong tok wif azli i tink.n iman.heh.da tings in me.da wake up kol she gave.hopefully tings r gona change for da beta dis time.yeah wateva.she slapped da future in my face real hard.n im lyk waaaat.so yeah.

im sorry for always putting da blame on u.da fault is on both sides.but still,im sori.for not seeing.wearing u out.tings will change.go for her if dats wat ur heart wans so badly.just go.i wish u all da best.

iman...........thank u i guess..sori for hurting u..if i did.today was suppose to b ur dae.n im sori.u still mean alot to me yeah.i'll make it up to u.

dan....u noe i love u....truck N bus loads..(now dats alot)haha..thnk u for yet again..bein der..inevitably,u alwaes r.n i thnk god for dat.for u.

now ppl ppl.dun tink im sad or wateva..cuz im not..haha.im a hapi gurl.heehee.so yeah.as i haf said in da past posts.so yeah.heehee.now smile wif me k.everytings gona be just fine.time will heal.so yeah.so anihoo's,i'll end it here yeah.kip dose beautiful smiles on now.heehee.til we meet again my sek kebabom knights n fair nitangales.heehee.

it is da girl in him that made me fall in love with him,how stupid i was to ask him to man up.hoping everday now that the same girl would return.she's in there sumwhere.da one everyone loved.

*her last words,"dont forget everything i said."*

~here i go,so dishonestly~
~leave a note,for you~
~but you see right through me~
time............

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

~i'll always look back as i walk away,to where we will last for eternity~

i juz got more news.about him n her.( dun get me wrong.i dun dislike her in aniwae)oh god.wen will dis ever stop.CHOOSE?!so now im juz a mere option to him.y dun i make it easier for him by walking away?then he oni has two to "choose" from.but it wun matter now wud it.cuz he still has two more.if he likes her,if he has a crush on her,if he wans to go for her,then go ahead.i m NOT sum multiple choice option.

~he once said,"hes juz anoder player,playing in the name of love."~

im not upset.trust me.its juz dat wateva he says to me,sumtimes it juz god damn contradicts wat ppl tel me.n dis r ppl hu dun haf areason to wana lie to me.n its so god damn hard.hes tired of me,tired of us.he has a crush on her,wana go for her,go on.my 4 months of silence.right now,im at the point of yeah whatever.so..yeah,wateva.
*holding on to your words kristel*

leave me for now, just go.

im gona go get myself smiling now.heehee.cuz im a hapi gurl rememba.SAC fadhillah.so yeah.heehee.take care now,buhbye then.kip smiling!!!!heehee.
choose.....hah.

~i dowana b a fool for u,just another player in your game for 2~
~well now im saving all my love for someone who's loving me.~
u want to be free, so i let you fly.

foxy mama, out.

2006-06-14T11:59:00.001+08:00

~theres hope beyond the pain~

good morniiiiiiiiin!!!!!*tilts head to the right n waves right hand frantically* today i plan to stay at home n juz do stuff.haha.besides,im lyk still sick.even worse now.gosh.i rili hope i get better by tomoro so i can go see my hero on his 17th bdae.gona ask my mom to make sum funky get-better-fast-fast potion.haha.so here i m,stuck watchin hi-5 on nickelodeon.woopee.

~reaching for a love that seems so far~

had a dream about him last nite.woke up.wif tears welled up in my eyes.so here i am now wif thoughts of u flooding my mind.how we were.the happiness we shared.u dont know how badly i miss u.how i long to hold u.if dats too much to ask,at least juz to see u smile once again or hear u laugh.dose desires can neva be fulfilled.y did u haf to leave me here?da oni regret i haf was not telling u dat i love u enough.u r the one i love,haf always loved n will always love.the one person hu has neva made me feel aniting less den happy.

~dun pretend ur sori,i know ur not,cuz u noe u got the power to make me feel weak inside~

but now God has sent another him into my life.(i tink of him,n im reminded of u.i tink of u n im reminded of him)sumone not exactly da same,juz similar.i was given a chance.2 chances.many chances.but i was juz too scared.n i still am now.im too scared dat if i do open up wats left of my heart,history mite repeat itself once again.i dont noe if he understands.i dun blame him if he doesnt.i haf put him thru so much.tears n wat not.n im sori.now i tink back on wat i haf done n im so sori.to you.the one hu threw the lifeline juz in the nick of time.the person who created a real smile on my face.

~all of our tears will be lost in the rain,when i find my way back to your arms again~

i hear dat u r tired of us.tired of me.i dun blame u.if eva u gif up on wat we haf n wat we cud be,i dun blame u.i wont stop u.i reflect.n i realise all the test i haf put u thru.if u wan to go for another,juz go ahead.for hu m i to stop u.i once said,"we r perfect the way we r".n there u were hartbroken.i din understand y.i juz cudnt see wat u saw.wat u knew we cud be.how blind,how stupid i was.but tings keep flooding my head.people from ur past n present kip telling me tings about hu u once were.n hear i m struggling to stay afloat.struggling to not believe wat i hear.but sumtimes ur actions do send wrong signals.n u leave me confused.i noe u dun mean to.(i hope not)but u haf to understand dat its not easy to hear abt hu u once were n still b convinced dat u r not dat same person.prove it.u r doing so,bit by bit.

~isnt anyone trying to find me?~

now he has gone to a new place to start a new life.but it is hu he was wen i first met him dat captured my heart secretly.(im not saying u haf changed.)i juz dont noe how to say it.i take wat im goin thru now as a classic example of karma,of retribution.its scary how all dats happening is a mere reflection of jan-april.now its my turn.everything we r goin thru now is a test.i noe.he wans his time n i wan mine.dis fear of having my heart shattered is very much alive in me.if he walks away from me cuz of dis i dont know wat to say.if he walks away from me for another,i wish him all the best.

~in a world torn by change~

i take ur werd wen u said we r doin juz fine.im juz praying hard dat dis fear in me wud not werk us apart,dat it wun make me walk away.patience n understanding is wat i need.i guess it cud b too much.n now here i am tryin to resurrect jan-april,da part in which da word "argue" did not exist betwen us.it cud relive.but its up to us.he told me to haf faith in him.trust me,i do.everyone kips tellin me we r both blind.my sister,uztaz,kristel,juz nearly everyone.i dun understand wat dey r trying to say.maybe i wud sum day.

~the final test is yet to come~

how i feel now?happy.honestly i am.everything is juz fine.ur right.we shall keep each other smiling as we always haf.n everything will be juz fine.heehee.
*thank you,my box of hope.no,i haf not forgotten all this tings.*

~its so incredible the way things work themsleves out.~

so now i leave u all tinkin k.sumone important made me question myself wen i said i wana walk away.he said,"ask urself,if your not the one,then y does my hand fit yours this way?"im lyk waaaaaaaaat.yeah.heh.anihoo's im feeling quite fine now.haha.all happy happy but still sick.ahaha.n no.dis is not an emo post.its wat i kol HEMO-ing bebeh.(Happy Emo)heehee.kip smiling now.

~try again never stop believing~
~try again dun gif up on your love~
~stumble n fall is the heart of it all~
~when u fall down~
~just try again.~

foxy mama,out.

2006-06-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

~i wont let time erase one bit of yesterday cuz i haf learnt that nobody can take your place~

woke up to my fone ringin today.it was my dear shahruhkh khan aka Vicky on the oder line.oh god i cud juz imagine his meltalable smile.MENINGGAL!heehee.dono y dat boy kolled my,brain was practically asleep.haha.so den i took my usual hour bath.went online chat abit.den i had sum major wardrobe issues.totali din noe wat to wear den i ended up wearing my bright green polo wif my black guess jeans cuz you lyk seeing me in it.

~this experience too painful to talk about~

den den den i made my wae to ma man's aka azhars place.returned him his ipod.thnx love.ur songs r sooo my type.all whitney h n mariah c.had a BLAST getting my groove on to ur songs!gotta find a slot to catch a movie wif dat boy.goodness noes wen dat wil happen.

~"everybody knows that i was such a fool,to ever let go of you",he says.~

me goin over to azhars place i guess made you uneasy or i dono wat da word is to describe dat feeling u felt.nuting happened n nuting will happen.trust me.=)

~i'll hold it in til my heart can mend and be brave enough to love again~

den i went to admiralty to meet filzah n da oder gurls.tot dem da bollywood dance.if dey do properly.i tel u.consperm damn nice kebabom!haha.den i was suppose to meet dan n goodness hu else at orchard or sumtin.den den den tak jadi.i guess i was a lil sad but hei at least i got hm early,made my mom hapi n i cud rest.im lyk sick.down wif da stinking flu.gosh my throat feels lyk a bus ran over it n my nose feels lyk a hose.oh god.*i miss u dan*

~more than words is all i ever needed you to show you feel that your love for me is real~

so now here i am blogging.tired.n sick.but yet smiling.heehee.so i guess im gona go end here for today.brighten up sumones day wif dat beautiful smile of urs all u lovely blog ppl!!*giggles n bounces off*(u dun miss the water until its gone.)

i miss u too.yes you.
(i juz dun understand,y your running from a good man.y ur running turn ur back on love.y you've already given up)

~im not gonna cry and i wont beg you to stay~
~if your're determined to leave,i will not stand in your way~
~but in evitably,you'll be back again~
~cuz you know in your heart,our love will never end~

foxy mama, out.

2006-06-13T00:06:00.000+08:00

~dont put out the glow~

woke up,got ready,left home,met faizah at admiralty.haha.sori for my sae weird intro.well well.den we met up wif filzah n company.da AI talentime dancers i helped.tot dem sum tango cum salsa.heehee.dat was fun.

oh oh oh!den der was dis lyk grp of mats..n dey wif deir no lifeness asked dis small boy to get my no.HELLO!u no life bodoh!n i was lyk sayin im not malay n dat i wasnt frm singapore.wahahahha!we tot it wud end der.but nooo.it din.dey actuali came n walk walk around our area a few times.n everytime dey did i wud pretend im bz dancing or sumtin.den dey made stupid bird noises.retards.in da end i kolled moran n asked him to tok to me.poor boy was lost..sori babe.

~her heart is cold n has lost the will to love,like a broken arrow~

den i went over to my nieces place at yew tee.miss dose gurls.ameera dear made me a bracelet.so sweeet.den SUNDENLY i feel sick.damn it.so i dono how m i gona make it tomoro.sum more i got azhars i pod to return to ma man.how?*does funi hand ting*die.

~u kept me in dark~

now im at home..oh so tired...n oh so drained.wundering how im gona oh so make it thru tomoro..nonetheless,i still gotta smile.heehee.so ders not much to write.
*cant hear from u tonite*

~he realises n says,"u can save me from the man that i've becum."~

weell..til fate brings us together..farethewell my sek kebabom knights n fair nitangales.kip thy smiles on yeah bebehs...

~u can find love,if u reach into ur soul~
~and the emptiness u felt will disappear~
~and then a hero comes along~
~i will make it through the rain.~

foxy mama, out.

2006-06-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

~time cant erase a feeling this strong~

went for imans bdae.i had a BLAST!!made new frens!!woohoo!!nathan,sum rili funky(in a gd way)indian dude hu gifs iman massages,sum chinese malaysian dude,mimi,n dis cute afiq dude.i found a new homie today!FAZLI!he's one boy hu actuali does my beyonce victory dance n cat fight hand shake wimme!!heehee.well,da ppl hu were there was me,dan,moran,faizah,azli,hadi,irsyad,YUSMAR,azhar,nathan,hakim,FAZLI,mimi,cute afiq,n da chinese malaysian dude.we ate n ate.da food was scrumdiliumtious man!den we played games.

~what do u have to do to win this heart that's barely beating?luk in ur hart n u'll find the answer,if ur lucky.~

we played murderer first.it was GREAT!i was lyk da freakin murderer soo many freakin times.hah!father police mah.heehee.den we played telephone line.shitass funi ah.sooooo havoc man.heehee.n we realised SUM ppl i shant sae hu,nids to dig deir ear wif a freakin SPOON!haha!den we played charades.urgh.chalte chalte.u die bodoh smallfry-step-germany-tak-jadi boy.hoohoo.juz kiddin.den we had sum prayers for iman.i emo a bit.(past memories).den den den.saw da boys solat.

~just wanted you to noe how i juz love to see u pray~(dun ask,its a fadhillah ting)*eh,u beta not action u dono hu u r ah.*

den we ate yet again.den b4 we left,iman opened his gift.my hero cried at da end.i hope u lyk my gift dear iman.den den den.imans uncle sent us to tamp inter in a pretty LORRY!RADICAL bebeh!soo fun.heehee.den den den.den i went home n da northerneirs went back to where dey belong.heehee.

i guess everyting is going juz fine now.im hapi n all.i dowan get upset nimore ah.no point.let it all be.im gona stick to kristel's werds.lets juz see k.heehee.well kip smiling now all u beautiful blog ppl!til my next post then.kip smiling.

~i can make it thru the rain,i can stand up once again~
~on my own n i noe dat im strong enuf to mend~
~n everytime i feel afraid,i hold on tight onto my faith~
~n i'll live one more day,n i'll make it thru the rain~

(im sorry too for everything that we haf been through lately)

foxy mama,out.